HOME | DD
Published: 2005-07-27 06:48:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 127; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
Redirect to original
Description
How blind can one be I wonder,like all is black, a silent abyss.
Is there another me I ponder,
like there’s something amiss.
This voice I hear is it my own,
are mine these dried out tears?
Is it midnight or an early dawn,
is it due to face my petty fears?
This breath I take who is it for,
who will this breath finally hold?
Do I remember you from before,
why haven’t I ever been told?
As if thousands of years passed,
hidden inside a fleeting moment.
As if all the other voices hushed,
true sign of the parting torment.
Steps taken forward, light as day,
free for once, my head held high.
All my doubts now aside I lay,
the time to be full again is nigh.
The me in me is the you in you,
as childish as it may now seem.
I know, you’ll see this through,
you’ll see your first true dream.
Related content
Comments: 4
DeathRages [2005-07-27 10:52:36 +0000 UTC]
hmmm.... very intresting attempt... I for one, wont be able to do something like this... definately nono... lol GREAT JOB!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catalyst2069 In reply to DeathRages [2005-07-27 10:56:32 +0000 UTC]
for reading and posting
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
RebeccaA [2005-07-27 10:50:23 +0000 UTC]
why haven’t I never been told? Should be "ever been told".
The last half of the poem needs more iamgery in it I feel.
You overuse commas, expecially in the first stanza. Your words will give you the line breaks.
Well done, with a bit of tightening this will be great
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catalyst2069 In reply to RebeccaA [2005-07-27 11:01:09 +0000 UTC]
thanks for the feedback hon
i was wondering about the never thing...wasn't sure till now...u r right
as for commas,well...i kinda did overuse them this time...mostly because i didn't want to form many separate sentences...which would be all questions...but i will look into it to see what i can salvage...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0