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Published: 2009-05-09 04:24:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 106; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description
Fizzy, soda-pop laughsbubble up from bottle-neck throats
as bouncy-ball children
scamper, squeal, and spring about
the vast jungle-gym outdoors,
lounging in broccoli trees
and rolling down green-carpeted hills,
dipping tiny hands into
chocolate pudding mud and
finger-painting chubby cheeks:
war paint for the epic battle of tag
between fairy princesses and
knights in shining armor,
or perhaps dragons versus dinosaurs
(both sides roaring, snarling, and clawing)
Echoing cries of "Olly, olly out in free!"
ring like humming crystal in any
pair of ears (similar to tiny caves)
about this children's paradise,
soon to find frolicking streaks of color
whizzing past saucer-sized eyes
like a prismatic explosion;
all the while that bubbly laughter
continues to bounce about in the wild -
coming from nowhere and everywhere
all at once
But come the purple-dyed twilit hours,
the sound of searching mothers permeates
this chaotic cacophony of music
and, like all melodies, the laughter fades
until all that's left are the
talkative trees speaking with the wind,
the birds and bugs bedding down
for the night, and the little critters
silently scurrying home
Only when all are abed, snuggled up tight,
does the song begin once more...
softer...
gentler...
a hazy mirage under quilted stars
twinkling a soothing lullaby...
for the realms of dreams,
my dear friends,
have the sweetest melodies of all...
Comments: 11
RockerByBaby [2009-07-08 06:08:07 +0000 UTC]
I really enjoyed this, wanna my faves from you!
Seriously, I'm proud of you for this piece. Especially the first stanza! & the ending looks fair to me.
I just finished a poem today that happened to have talkative clouds in it. I couldn't help but laugh & laugh @ the odds I've come across in your bit regarding the talkative trees.
So I've changed my stanza a tad.
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catnipkitty In reply to RockerByBaby [2009-07-10 03:58:10 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so very, very, very much!!!!
I like this one too.
Funny how that stuff happens, isn't it? I'll have to check it out! And don't worry if it's kinda similar; great minds think alike!
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RockerByBaby In reply to catnipkitty [2009-07-12 07:44:49 +0000 UTC]
Very many much so alot welcomes!
Sure thing, a trip!
Right on!
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InnocentFreespirit [2009-05-15 17:30:35 +0000 UTC]
I like the original ending, but i can see how you're torn about taking it out. The poem is fine either way.
*thinks for a bit*
Ultimately, I think perhaps the ending should go back in, only because it kinda makes it seem as the cycle will repeat with a secret confidence. (does that make sense?) With it written as just "the end of the day", it is simple closure, an ending of all things.
That's just my 2cents, i'll shut up now.
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catnipkitty In reply to InnocentFreespirit [2009-05-18 03:25:57 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for letting me know what you think! I really like the original ending too. I was just worried it would kind of confuse people because it switches gears a bit...if that makes sense.
But, since you're the only one that's gotten back to me about it and you think it would be better with the original ending, I'll go switch it now!
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InnocentFreespirit In reply to catnipkitty [2009-05-18 05:15:26 +0000 UTC]
i like to help out my fellow writers when i can. It's not easy when you have no peers to give insight. But ultimately, anything is your decision.
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catnipkitty In reply to InnocentFreespirit [2009-05-18 05:19:44 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, it can be difficult. I do have a few people who will comment and tell me what they think, but some poems just don't get as much attention as others do.
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nicole060509 [2009-05-09 04:26:16 +0000 UTC]
shit, this made me cry because it made me think of him,
is the intention to make people cry,
or am i just a one off?
x
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catnipkitty In reply to nicole060509 [2009-05-09 04:31:01 +0000 UTC]
Well, for me it's a bit of a memory from my childhood. I was trying to evoke happy imagery and the thought of being like a kid again because it would be so nice to be able to go back in time and feel that endless joy children seem to have. But whatever you take from it is perfectly fine! Interpretation is a great thing! I'm sorry I made you cry though.
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nicole060509 In reply to catnipkitty [2009-05-09 04:33:30 +0000 UTC]
oh it isn't your fault,
you're a great writer though
x
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catnipkitty In reply to nicole060509 [2009-05-09 04:39:36 +0000 UTC]
Well...ok...if you say so.
Thanks! I'm glad you think so!
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