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catnipkitty — Gluttony
Published: 2007-08-04 19:48:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 84; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description
A disgusting displayOf greedy fingers feeding
Gaping mouths,
Devouring meat
From plants and beasts
Starving children
From far off towns
As King and Queen
Serve their feast
Chewing,
Biting,
Knawing
On delicacies
From exotic lands
That lie to the East
While garments grow small,
And seams burst
Under the pressure
Of bulbous stomachs
Unable to hold more
Of this gigantic feast
Comments: 9
Hmm. Avarice and gluttony really are not very different, ne? The wording is generally good, but I question the use of "gigantic" in the last line - it seems jarringly different than the word choice used in the rest of the poem.
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How so?
I was thinking of using enormous, but I wanted to make it sound more nasty than anything and the use of consonants as the 1st letter helps to get the feeling across in my opinion. The more you have to force the words out of your mouth, the more gross the poem becomes.
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I don't know, I guess it seems more informal or something. I tried to think of better words, but I really couldn't come up with much. And the concept of "The more you have to force the words out of your mouth, the more gross the poem becomes." is a good one; I'll remember that.
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Yeah, it is kind of informal. But I really couldn't think of a better word to use. Thanks! 
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You're really good at imagery- it really was gross!
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Why thank you!!
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I like this. It applies very well to current society too!
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Thanks!!
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