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catnipkitty — Murder Beckons
Published: 2007-06-13 02:57:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 225; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 2
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Description Far from right
But not quite wrong,
In the deep dark depths
Of my mind
Thoughts like eels,
Slither through the frozen
Waters,
Corrupting my thoughts,
Urging me to
Kill...

Become the darkness,
The shadow, the faint
Shimmer of movement
In the night

Slowly stalk,
Like a black cat
That hunts it's prey,
Silent and fierce
As the cold venom within
Drives me to that final moment
Of clarity...

The unsuspecting victim,
A lamb
That has lost it's way,
In reach of my trembling hands

I am the black fog that
Surrounds you,
Engulfs you in my grasp
Of death,
Squeezes the air
From your lungs,
Suffocates...

Tense muscles become
Loose, limp flesh
In my arms

I am giddy as a child
With my fresh kill,
Ready again to snake
My hands around another neck,
Another lamb
That has lost it's way...

The dark game of murder
Beckons my name,
Sweetly caresses
My soul in its hands

The night engulfs me,
Shrouding me,
Cloaking me,
In complete, and utter
Darkness

Thoughts like eels whisper
Dark, seductive words,
Urging me to
Kill...
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Comments: 8

AshleyLeopard [2007-06-22 05:11:48 +0000 UTC]

I think you should do a part two called Murder Calls, and continue what you started here, since I think it's pretty solid. It's very Jekyll and Hyde (what I know of it), and as I read on, it reminded me of Jack the Ripper or something equally dark and sinister. Great job!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to AshleyLeopard [2007-06-22 16:32:09 +0000 UTC]

Hmm.....I'll have to think about that.....Thanks!!! I was actually shocked that I wrote such a dark piece. Normally my poetry doesn't really go that far.......I didn't even realize just how sinister it was until I read it when I finished it! I creeped myself out.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

AshleyLeopard In reply to catnipkitty [2007-06-23 01:34:40 +0000 UTC]

I think that's the mark of a good writer, though. It's good when you can write about something like you are, because sometimes it's hard to write about what you are, but it shows skill when you can write about something completely different. :3 If that made sense. :3

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catnipkitty In reply to AshleyLeopard [2007-06-23 01:52:42 +0000 UTC]

XD Yeah it made sense!! I know what you mean.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

silverquill-87 [2007-06-14 22:25:20 +0000 UTC]

In a poem like this you want lots of imagery. Let me brainstorm, take what you want and change what you want. I think you should call it...Darkness Beckons

Far from right
But not quite wrong,
In the deep dark depths
Of my mind
Thoughts like eels,
Slither through the frozen
Waters,
Corrupting my thoughts,
Urging me

Blank colorless eyes
Pale, marble skin
A slowing heartbeat
A hypnotic song
Tempting me

Crimson petals
Moaning cries
Faceless terror
Taking me

Fading world
Silence surrounds
Drowning in frigid darkness
Holding me close

Soundless echo
Thoughts drifting
Dry emptiness
Freeing me

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to silverquill-87 [2007-06-16 02:28:27 +0000 UTC]

That's good! I have to get inspired to write the rest of it. I've always been hesitant to use what other people have written. But I'll keep in mind the imagery bit! Thanks!!

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serenichi [2007-06-13 06:19:29 +0000 UTC]

I'm no expert of course, but I really like this poem. I think though, that you should keep it going instead of ending it abruptly with "Kill". For me, it was just too harsh of an ending for a poem that sounded pretty smooth.

also, I think I like murder beckons better.

Overall, I like it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to serenichi [2007-06-13 17:12:07 +0000 UTC]

Thanks!! I think I will add more onto it......but I have to get some more inspiration........

I'll have to change the title then, cause I wasn't sure if it was a little too dramatic; but if you like it then I will!!

Thanks again!!

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