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catnipkitty — Over the Edge
Published: 2008-06-05 17:17:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 309; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 5
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Description Trapped in a white train of death, I swear,
to love, have, and to hold, I swear.

That night held a foreboding wind
and clutched me with icy hands, I swear.

It tickled whispers upon my ears and
told of the vicious love you'd give, I swear.

Your grasp was rough and seething with anger;
that night, your kisses came through your fists, I swear.

When morning rang the doorbell and woke me to tears,
the Furies sent gifts of malice to me, I swear.

And though you feel so strong and triumphant,
I will bring the end of you, I swear...
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Comments: 11

scheherazadenerai [2009-01-24 02:36:11 +0000 UTC]

'your kisses came through your fists'

^Best line. Great, powerful poem

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to scheherazadenerai [2009-01-24 04:41:25 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!

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RockerByBaby [2008-06-12 06:49:52 +0000 UTC]

This is a tricky piece, but in a successfull manner. It goes from love to lust to a promise of revenge, seemingly I mean.

Few typos:

"vicious" and "seething"


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catnipkitty In reply to RockerByBaby [2008-06-12 16:34:11 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! And thanks for telling be about the typos...I'll go fix them now!

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RockerByBaby In reply to catnipkitty [2008-06-14 05:12:54 +0000 UTC]

Very much welcome!

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Infrunitas [2008-06-06 01:06:16 +0000 UTC]

Nice structure! I like how the whole piece comes to life with little emotional tidbits in between to show the speakers true intentions. My only crit would be to i swear the last one

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catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-06-06 03:29:37 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! Do you mean put "I swear" in both lines of the last couplet? I'm a little confused...

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Infrunitas In reply to catnipkitty [2008-06-07 12:11:15 +0000 UTC]

italisize one or two of them. Make it feel more like a whisper

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catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-06-07 17:54:47 +0000 UTC]

Ohhhhh...gotcha! How do you put stuff in italics on here? I've tried, but I can't seem to figure it out.....

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Infrunitas In reply to catnipkitty [2008-06-11 21:27:28 +0000 UTC]

you use < i > and < /i> without the spaces between the < and the >

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catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-06-12 03:22:25 +0000 UTC]

Ok, thanks! I'll go do that now then!

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