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catnipkitty — Pain of a Suicide
Published: 2006-08-23 02:31:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 68; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description
That faint whisperOf a voice so near
"Don't do it"
Tears flow down my cheeks,
There is no comfort for me
My soul is weak and battered,
It's demise is here....
My demise is here....
My hands tremble,
What should I do?
I look towards the mural on my wall,
The pressure is on my skin,
Sudden pain and confusion,
Breath in short, quick gasps
That stream from my eyes,
Is now a raging river
Vision blurs, twists, doubles....
My eyes slow their flutter
And remain motionless
The last words I hear,
"Don't do it"....
Comments: 2
This is GORGEOUS. I like how you mix thoughts with physical images. And even though you clearly say that the person hears some last words, it's never stated if the person dies or passes out, so they can start again the next day. I think this is all-around good. :>
P.S.- I think the category is good, too, I wouldn't necessarily call this macabre. XD
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Thanks!! I like to add a little twist in things now and then. I was thinking of the voice as being the person's concience and I really like the outcome of it. Ok, so I put in the right spot...good!!
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