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catnipkitty — Pity for the Damned
Published: 2009-10-01 03:26:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 87; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description Plug headphones into my ears
and listen to the
music in my head
as the trees shimmer
in the wind -
a myriad of greens,
reds, and golds -
and autumn paints a
blush across my cheeks.

Unlock my voice box
and hear my screams
vault themselves into a cold fog
hanging limply in the air,
as if waiting for some
distant response.

Pluck the hairs on my head
and play along with these
haunting melodies -
the dissonant echoes
a soft whisper in the mind -
'till the end of time
laughs and applauds a
job well done.

Open the pages of my eyes
and read the hidden meaning
behind such melancholy lyrics,
so that you might lament my
descent into Hell...
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Comments: 2

Alchemy-of-the-Heart [2009-11-12 04:50:19 +0000 UTC]

Hmmm... I like it. I too am unsure that I like the title.
I'm trying to decide if there is an unspoken "I" at the beginning of each stanza or if it is in fact imperative, demanding someone to do these things. Which did you intend?

I like the line "unlock my voice box" - it makes me think of Pandora's box. I also like the speaker's hair being the strings of an instrument - it's an unusual image, and I like it very much.

I'm not sure where the descent into hell comes from - I don't understand how the poem leads up to such a thing. The rest of the poem seems perhaps mystical, but still benign. Suddenly it transitions into the realm of the demonic, and I'm at a loss for how those last lines connect to the rest of the poem. You may want to either change the end or hint at it through the rest of the poem.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to Alchemy-of-the-Heart [2009-11-12 19:44:08 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! My intention at each stanza was to invite the reader to do those things in order to see the narrator's true self (hopefully that makes sense).

What I had in mind when I wrote it was this unraveling of control over the narrator's path...so, the narrator knows their time for correction is running out, but they can't find a way to go back. And in this, the narrator invites others to take a look at what has happened, so they can pity the narrator in a sense. My intention wasn't to make the ending seem demonic in any way. It's more of a falling from grace, as it were.

Hopefully I haven't confused you as I tried to explain my thought processes.

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