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Published: 2008-04-17 22:48:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 106; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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Description
The dizzying flight ofa bird's eye view (if one ever
flew to the melody of Fur Elise),
Plummeting to new heights
and rebelling against the insistent wind
that pummels my face;
Throwing frozen fingers through
whipping locks of tangled hair.
My joyous prism. The single
shaft of white light
turned to a rainbow's playful youth
as it glides through hues of flavored jello.
Crisp as dried autumn leaves...
musky, but sweet scented,
dark, and rich.
Buried scrolls clutched in sweaty palms,
Laced with priceless treasures:
Haydn, Beethoven, Dvorak, Bach.
Ebony blood dripped on
creme colored papyrus,
Old, ancient even...
but classic, eloquent,
true to life.
Comments: 7
RockerByBaby [2008-06-08 06:22:52 +0000 UTC]
"turned to a rainbow's playful youth;
Gliding through hues of flavored jello.
Crisp as dried autumn leaves..." -- You've set up a colourful poetic landscape here. Wonderful job!
Oh, and "buried" and "creme-colored." Though I don't think you have to have the hyphen, I'm only suggesting that it might make it look better.
Also, you appear to be one step up, with your references and such!
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catnipkitty In reply to RockerByBaby [2008-06-08 17:18:15 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! I'll probably go back to look at it at some point and see if I want to change anyhting. Thanks for the fave too!!!
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RockerByBaby In reply to catnipkitty [2008-06-09 07:10:32 +0000 UTC]
Good deal, you're very much welcome dear!
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pardonM3 [2008-05-13 03:24:43 +0000 UTC]
I've always thought of music as multi-dimensional, and very textural, so I'm rather fond of that second stanza.
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catnipkitty In reply to pardonM3 [2008-05-13 17:20:04 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much! I've always thought the same too.
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Infrunitas [2008-04-21 12:01:27 +0000 UTC]
Beethoven's Fur Elise is a gorgeous song! They made a trance remix to it and it stayed on my ipod for 2 years. First off, a great read:
Secondly, crits (feel free to ignore)
Last stanza:
"Burried" -Burred (as in rough texture) or buried
and the "smooth parchment..." seems a bit off focus with the piece. If you chose one or the other image, it would reinforce the piece and have better flow.
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catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-04-21 17:12:46 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! And thanks for telling me about the typo too.
I think about that little critique and see if I can come up with something better.....
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