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catnipkitty — Time Turns
Published: 2008-06-05 17:07:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 55; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description Blazing heat from the
sky; blessings and renewal
past the still, dark night.

A child's paintbrush drip-
ping on the leaves of trees and
the sweet scent of musk.

A cage to live in,
without mercy the ice grows:
an end to loved life.

Melted winter brings
brick-colored mud and fertile
soil for the flowers.
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Comments: 2

Infrunitas [2008-06-06 01:09:16 +0000 UTC]

First off, a lovely addition to your gallery.

Crits (as always, feel free to ignore. Or print them off and spit on them while saying in a french accent "I don't like you, silly comments")

Hmm, the punctuation toys a bit with me. I keep wanting to read the third stanza's ; as a ,

Also, in the second stanza, I really like the image you create with dripping, but my brain keeps aches for drips for the complete 'sentence' structure you have going there.

Interesting, and thought-painting piece!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-06-06 03:36:20 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I told you I wasn't that great with haikus.....I might rework the punctuation at some point....hmm...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0