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Published: 2008-04-25 20:06:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 113; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
I inhale invisible lifeThrough pipes ablaze
With liquid fire
As robotic limbs graze
An asphalt sea
And fluids flutter
Beneath a sheet of
Flushed skin.
I race on, Olympic flame
In hand
To the chorus of
Clashing chants.
And just my luck to spy
Some frenzied man,
Face lit scarlet
Like a coke can,
Jerk my way;
His bear claws ready
To snatch up the torch.
The surrounding mob
Screams surprise
As the grizzly
Charges: his rough
Battle-cry of rage
Puncturing my
Eardrums.
One more protester,
My personal hurdle
To be conquered
Lunges towards me
(His prey,
A leaping gazelle
Frantic to escape),
Only to be
Packed into the ground
By security.
Well...that makes five.
Comments: 11
RockerByBaby [2008-06-08 06:31:43 +0000 UTC]
You have wonderful imagery and personification, and you're seemingly improving in my eyes!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catnipkitty In reply to RockerByBaby [2008-06-08 17:19:06 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I'll be revising some stuff soon, so this one will probably have more to it fairly soon!
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RockerByBaby In reply to catnipkitty [2008-06-09 07:13:13 +0000 UTC]
Sweet!
I like your source of inspiration. Interesting stuff indeed.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catnipkitty In reply to RockerByBaby [2008-06-09 17:38:59 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I had a hard time finding an article I wanted to use actually....when I first started, I had a completely different topic in mind, but I couldn't think of anything creative.
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Infrunitas [2008-04-26 23:37:25 +0000 UTC]
It's great and I have to admit that I'm surprised this is the first time I saw a reference to poetry/prose to the protests. I have a chinese TA that showed me that we're getting some truly bias information when concerning China. -Shrug.
I like the structure to the piece and feels fitting (like a jogging pace).
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
catnipkitty In reply to Infrunitas [2008-04-27 02:26:36 +0000 UTC]
Well, I'm glad everyone that's read it likes it! Thanks! I've read it a few more times and I think it's growing on me. I'll have to revise at least a little of it for my creative writing class, but if I don't like the changes, I won't change it on here. I was origionally going to write about autism and downsydrome....but it wasn't working out the way I wanted it to. I might toy with the idea again sometime though.
I personally think it's a waste of time to protest about it because they've already said they were going to still hold it in China. But that's just my opinion.
I was trying to get a jogging/running sort of feel to it, so it's nice to know that I accomplished it!
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grenedine [2008-04-26 18:10:07 +0000 UTC]
I think it's good the way it is. Very good observation on recent events.
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catnipkitty In reply to grenedine [2008-04-26 20:07:04 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! Well, it's for a class and I have to revise it at least once anyway. If I revise it and don't like the way it turns out, I'll just keep it the way it is on DA.
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Cake-Chan [2008-04-26 03:42:18 +0000 UTC]
Sincerely well written. Great imagery. I liked it a lot.
+fav
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