kyria [2016-10-26 23:26:21 +0000 UTC]

this is pretty awesome.

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scheherazades [2014-05-27 09:00:36 +0000 UTC]

this is absolutely amazing. <3

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Wicked-Faerie [2014-04-20 20:39:50 +0000 UTC]

This is a critique and you should be satisfied to know you did quite amazingly! ^_^

The strengths of this poem are the mythology being accurately and well used and the imagery which supports it. You can tell so much is at stake for the subject of this poem, particularly with the last line, "but the mountaintop still shudders with my name and I have earned too many steps to crumble to the bottom." In two lines you explain the plight of Atlas and push it beneath you as you exemplify that of your own. The other image which is strong in this poem is the line, "it's funny that my mother always said don't slouch, your spine will stick because I am so twisted by the burden of these words that I may never stand again." However, I am failing to understand how this pertains to the rest of the poem. I do feel it could be the start to another poem. If you feel otherwise please let me know. I think it should start with "oh, atlas was a lucky fellow..." That way every piece of the poem would relate to the title of hades. 

As for feedback, you don't start a sentence with and. It would be "there was ichor in my veins, i swear." You also have no capitals at the beginning words in your sentences or in the title. However, if this is a style preference, that is fine. I would once again suggest you start the poem with the oh atlas part. The end makes the rhythm of this poem go slower and it puts an emphasis on the ending line. If that is the desired effect, then you have succeeded with your ending. 

I really believe this a strong piece overall. 

Phenomenal job! ^_^

<3

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DarkZero2109 [2014-04-14 03:57:05 +0000 UTC]

Well, if you read my last comment, you know why I'm here...same deal, let me know if I screw it up.

I'm going to start by saying that I love the mythology theme of this poem. I'm not a huge mythology nerd, but I didn't see any flaw in the elements included. On the technical side, the word choice and imagery were very well done in this piece; they really draw me in as I read it, especially the lines about Atlas holding up the world being light in comparison (how often have we all felt like that?).

Now, for the bad...well, I actually don't have much to say about this one. Nothing in particular sticks out to me as being off.

Overall, I think you did pretty well with this poem. I definitely enjoyed it, that's for sure.

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TruthisTruth [2014-03-17 14:36:16 +0000 UTC]

This is Daily Deviation material.

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insomniaplague [2014-03-13 03:56:45 +0000 UTC]

Wow! That was gorgeous...! I'll have to go through your gallery...you're rather breathtaking. I mean, that first, should I call it section (the tone shifts afterwards, so maybe), was just so utterly eye-catching.  

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