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chasingcomets — Orange Kittens
Published: 2002-12-09 19:50:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 82; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 15
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Description Orange Kittens

Once, a painted face he wore.
A face that intrigued me.
But long ago, he removed the paint, and washed his face.
I was sent away.
Soon, he left as well,
leaving behind tattered and burned pages of my memory,
and a fingerprint on my soul.

I thought I was rid of you.,
but you left a trace of orange paint behind.

All I wanted was for you to remain a clouded memory.
A ghost.

But orange-all-weather paint doesn't wear away
with salty tears.

If I could only speak with you,
one more brief encounter,
Perhaps then the paint would fade away.

But you are lost,
Like a kitten who runs away
and finds a new family.
You have moved on, forgotten me.
But I do not forget lost kittens.
I weep, even after I have raised a new one.
They live in me, like mold on old loaves of bread.
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Comments: 3

complex [2002-12-12 02:26:52 +0000 UTC]

The words are good, but the structure could lose a tiny bit of help. People like to read things that flow easily, but this has some short lines and some very long lines in no particular order which puts the flow off a bit. If you could solve that problem, you'd get your point across more effectively and readers wouldn't be distracted at all.

The paint metaphor was nice.

Overally nice.

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thewanderingspaz [2002-12-09 20:18:02 +0000 UTC]

Very well done and very emotional. :hugs: keep up the good work. I wish I could write now that I got others to do so lol. Have fun and all

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booga [2002-12-09 19:54:53 +0000 UTC]

yes hun it can go away. it may take time but it can go away. i love your stuff you are so good.

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