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chasingcomets — Second Shift
Published: 2003-01-13 18:12:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 208; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 6
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Description Second Shift @ Ghetto Groceries

An old woman in a fur coat
Babbles about the inheritance she
Received as she gives me money to
Pay on the bad checks she wrote on
Her closed bank account.

A scruffy man with crooked glasses
Pulls out a one hundred dollar bill which
He hands me to pay for his
Basket full of Ramen noodles.


A middle-aged woman with a mesh face
Herds around three children wearing
Worn and holey shoes during the
Coldest winter in five years
Uses her government-issued cash assistance
To buy the cigarettes that
Will render those same children orphans
In three years, four months and two days.

On the phone,
An old man with a scratchy voice
That sounds like he smoked Camel
Non-filters for 60 years
Screams at me between breaths
About the nine cents he was overcharged
On a pack of hot dogs.

Deposits done, bank run, punch clock.
Back tomorrow.
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Comments: 5

dignityshrapnel [2003-05-16 05:04:56 +0000 UTC]

This is great, great stuff. The first part of and final part of it reminds me of Kevin Smith's "Clerks" -- all the frivolity of the customers. If you have not seen it, you would appreciate it to no end.

Your satire is right-on, bar nothing. And you've captured both the routine feel of it all with the chaos and intertwining nature of the customers.

The note in the middle was nice, adding a strong resounding echo of sadness and emotional force into the poem: the part about the lady with the "mesh face" (a wonderful image). The fact that she uses government-issued money to buy cigarettes is poignant in itself, but you heightened this sense by telling the exact amount of time she has left. Something indescribably saddening was added by this new, omniscient voice -- you gave her a real sense of mortality. This is what good writing is all about, endowing, with words and structure, a visceral, inner feeling that almost transcends words.

An instant favorite. Great work.

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Lady-Blue [2003-01-19 17:48:05 +0000 UTC]

very interesting... I have a friend who worked at a gas station for a little while. He couldn't stand it for more than a week. He has stories about characters that came in... pretty similar to the ones you describe. So... do these kinds of people come to the store b/c it's ghetto, or is the store ghetto b/c of the people that come to it? I love the specific imagery in this. Very clear, very good. Thanks for sharing!

Amy

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0o-elly-o0 [2003-01-15 07:56:10 +0000 UTC]

Awesome.. i love it I'll fave this one.. very very good....

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rightrealm [2003-01-15 00:44:12 +0000 UTC]

Great writing..

If you found time to write poetry while getting paid it mustnt be very bad... ehhe

good work..

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booga [2003-01-14 04:17:06 +0000 UTC]

so funny so true lol made me smile and laugh and still think that this society that we live in is crappy...

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