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    “Ivan! Time for breakfast!”

            My mom’s call snaps me out of my trance. I miss being at school, only having to deal with people if I actually choose to. Ever since I got home for Winter Break I haven’t had more than a few minutes of alone time unless I’m pretending to be asleep. Even then, my siblings have a habit of barging in uninvited to borrow my stuff.

            “Ivan!” my mother shouts again.

            I climb out of bed and open my door, shouting back, “I’ll be down in five minutes!”

            “If he doesn’t come down in five minutes can I have his eggs?” I hear Beth ask Mom, and I think I hear Dad telling her that she’s had enough and that cold eggs are worse than no eggs.

            I begrudgingly brush my teeth and head downstairs, where I’m greeted by my parents with a, “What took you so long?” and a, “Hurry up, we have to start getting ready for the party soon.”

            “Bethany,” Mom says, “I’m going to need you to stop by the drycleaner’s and pick up your father and brothers’ suits for tonight.”

            “Only if I can bring Ivan along,” my sister responds, giving me the look that has been giving me anxiety for the last week. “I need some more time to catch up with my baby brother.”

            “You’ll have plenty of time to catch up with him later.” Dad sips on his coffee before adding, “I need to speak with Ivan about some personal matters.”

            I swallow hard. It’s never good when Dad wants to talk to me about “personal matters.” I’m the youngest, so it’s not as if my actions will have any major effect on his life. Nonetheless, when I told him that I wanted to go to music school, he lectured me about how music isn’t a reasonable enterprise and that I’d be better off working at his insurance company as a mail boy than trying to find work as a musician. Our relationship has always been strained, but since then it’s been all but destroyed; we hardly speak, and I’m not sure if it’s because of his disdain for my choices or because he just doesn’t know enough about music to ask. Mom was always the one who took me to my lessons as a kid, and I can’t remember a time when Dad wasn’t too busy at work to come to my concerts. Sometimes I wonder if he even tried to care.

            Beth sighs. “Fine, I’ll just catch up with him when I get back.”

            “Don’t take too long, honey, I need you to be back by two so my hairdresser can start working on you,” Mom says as Beth heads towards the stairs, earning a “Yes Mother” in response.

            I head back to my room after breakfast to get dressed and brace myself for the meeting with my father. I’m running all the possibilities through my head, trying to figure out what I could have done wrong to warrant a talk with him. The most terrifying option is that Beth told him what she saw the other day, but, if she had, Mom probably would have come to my room in tears, asking what she had done wrong while raising me and Dad would have thrown me out by now. I take a little comfort in that fact, but I still dread the confrontation to come.

            I hear my phone buzz from across the room.

            Hey babe, the text reads. How’s your morning?

            Good. Dad wants to talk so I might not be able to reply for a while. I leave my phone on my bedside table and go down to Dad’s office, trying my hardest to remain calm.

            My father’s office is always dimly lit. On the walls there are several bookshelves that have been collecting dust since we moved here; Dad never reads, and I would be surprised if he opened those books in the first place. On the walls are several portraits, the most notable being the one of my grandfather, his stern face staring down all my father’s victims. He sits at his desk at the far side of the room, facing the empty fireplace.

            I knock on the door, and he turns his chair around and motions for me to sit across from him.

            “What would you like to talk to me about, Sir?” I ask, barely maintaining eye contact with him.

            “I would like for you to remain in your room for the duration of the party this evening,” he says. “This party is for the investors in my firm and for my clients, and I wouldn’t want you distracting them.”

            “What do you mean?”

            He stands up and walks over to one of the bookshelves. “You don’t know anything about the family business, so your presence isn’t necessary. None of these people are particularly interested in talking about their lives, let alone music. They just want to make small talk about insurance and the stock market and politics. Josh and Beth are much more suited for this kind of situation. I’m sure you understand.”

            “You just don’t want me to embarrass you, is that it?” I say, rising from my chair. I knew this was about my choice to study music. Somehow it always comes back to that. I can’t even pretend to be surprised anymore.

            “I only want what’s best for you.”

            I laugh. “What’s best for me or what’s best for you? Music is what’s best for me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at. You just want me to be another pawn like the rest of your kids.”

            “Don’t talk about your siblings like that,” he says harshly. “Don’t you have any respect for your father?”

    “Why should I treat you with respect when you can’t even brush aside your pride for a couple hours and let me be a part of my own family’s party?” I turn to walk away, but then I add, “Not that it matters much. I had other plans anyways.”

            Once back in my room, I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I just want to be back at school. I want to be on campus, surrounded by thousands of students and far, far away from my family. I want to be curled up in bed and nudged awake with gentle kisses and the smell of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen and a cat meowing in my ear. Most of all, I just want to be held by him. The memory of those lazy Sunday mornings starts lulling me into a light sleep.

            I hear my phone buzz again.

            Good luck! I believe in you! the first text reads. The more recent one asks, How’d it go?

            He doesn’t want me to be at his stupid party tonight, I reply.

            It takes a few minutes before I get a response. I’m on my way.

            I freak out. You’re not driving 3 hours just for one night! Stay home! It’s bad enough that Beth saw us. I don’t want this to get any worse.

            Too late. I’ll see you in a bit, the reply reads.

            I throw my phone across the room. I hate how he just feels like he has to put me first all the time. He’s on break too after all, he deserves to spend some time with his family. Besides, I’ve been dealing with my family my entire life, I can handle being alone with them for a couple weeks. But it’s too late; he’s coming over, and I’m going to have to figure out how to sneak out of the house while avoiding the party like Dad asked me to.

    What feels like an hour later, Beth bursts in and throws a dry cleaning bag on my bed. “Here’s your suit for tonight,” she says before turning to go to her room.

            “Thanks, but I don’t need it,” I say over my shoulder.

            “Why not?”

            I sigh. “Dad doesn’t want the family loser to embarrass him at his big party.”

            She sits down on my bed and pats the spot next to her. “What do you mean?”

            “He said he didn’t want me to distract his friends,” I respond, taking a seat further away from her on the bed. “Then he said that I didn’t know anything about insurance, and that his friends don’t care about music. So basically he doesn’t want me to embarrass him because I’m the weird kid that didn’t follow in his footsteps.”

            “So what are you going to do instead?”

            “I think I might go out or something.”

            Beth looks behind her shoulder for a second before giving me a sly look and asking, “With him?” I stare into my lap, trying not to blush, when she says, “It’s okay. You can tell me about him.”

            I’m silent for a few minutes. I don’t know where to start without making it sound completely absurd. I had never expected it to go this way. Ideally, none of this would have happened. But it did, and now I’m caught in a mess.

            “His name’s Theodore. I call him Teddy.”

            She smiles a little. “What’s he like?”

            “He’s an idiot,” I say with a dry laugh. “He’s obnoxious, with his piercings and bright green hair. Sometimes he acts like he’s sixteen instead of twenty-four. He’s got this weird sense of humor that’s mostly sex jokes and trying to make me angry. And he’s a really good cook. And he’s a cat person.”

            “What? How did you end up with a cat person?” she asks, the shock clear on her face.

            “I have no idea.” I sigh. “I miss him.”

            “How did you two meet?”

            I hesitate. “This is going to sound really weird.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Well when classes started it was my intention to put all of my energy into completing my major,” I say.

            She gives me a confused look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

    “I’m getting there,” I scold. “You know I love music. You know I wouldn’t risk my future by doing something stupid.”

    “You’re making no sense whatsoever.”

    “Let me speak! Jeez.” I give her an exasperated look. “He’s my violin teacher.”

    She blinks a couple times. “What?”

    “I go to his apartment three times a week for violin and cello lessons, and he taught my music theory class last semester.”

    “So you’re hooking up with your teacher?” she asks. “How did you manage that?”

            I shrug. “I don’t know, it just happened. To be honest, I hate how much I like him, and it’s making it hard to work with him.” I pause. “Are you okay with this?”

            “Okay with what? You’re my brother, nothing’s going to change that. So you’re dating your teacher. That’s not that big of a deal.” She pats my shoulder reassuringly. “I had a crush on half my professors when I was an undergrad.”

            “It’s not the fact that he’s my teacher that worries me,” I tell her, “It’s that he’s a guy.”

            “You’re gay. It’s not like you have cancer or something.” She stands up and walks toward the door. “You’re fine. You two have fun tonight.”

            I collapse on my bed, arms and legs spread wide. I hadn’t told anyone about Teddy yet. I’m scared that only the worst could come of it. He’s always so calm about the two of us being together. He’s always trying to show me off to his friends, and he keeps coming up with plans for us to go visit his family. It hurts because I don’t share that same excitement. Every time I think about bringing him home, I feel a deep sense of shame. Ever since Beth caught us kissing in his car earlier this week, I’ve been walking on eggshells. I’m thankful that she’s accepting of it, but I’m not so sure the rest of my family will be. Mom and Dad both “traditional,” so I don’t expect them to. The rest of the siblings are a mixed bag. I’ve never talked about this stuff with them, so I can’t make any assumptions.

    I end up taking a nap to pass the time. That is, I tried to take a nap. I hardly got any sleep, and I mostly stared at the ceiling. Downstairs I can hear the caterers setting up for the party. Every once in a while I hear Mom telling them to move a table somewhere else or to adjust the flower arrangements. At some point Beth got dragged off to get her hair done, and Josh could be heard making small talk with the help. Eventually I wander downstairs to find a snack, trying my best to avoid the commotion in the living room.

            “Hey, there’s the freshman!” Josh shouts at me. “How was your first semester?”

            I shrug. “It was fine. I can’t wait to get back to school.”

            “Yeah, I know the feeling.” He pats my shoulder. “Are you ready for the party tonight?”

            “No, I’m going out with a friend tonight instead.”

            “Really? Where are you going to go as a 19-year-old on New Year’s Eve?”

            “I’m not entirely sure yet,” I say. “Maybe we’ll just go get dinner somewhere and maybe catch a movie after. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

            “Well if you two get bored I’m sure it won’t be a big deal if you bring her to the party,” he says slyly, adding a wink.

            “Yeah, sure.” I head to the kitchen, half expecting him to pry, but I’m relieved to see that he isn’t.

            I return to my room with a sandwich to find that I’ve received a new text.

            Had to stop for gas and a snack. I’ll be there in like an hour or an hour and a half.

            Take your time, I respond. I came out to Beth, I send after a few seconds.

            Really?! What happened? he asks.

            I’ll tell you when you get here.

            Okay. A minute later, he says, I’m proud of you.

            He’s proud of me for doing something that seems so basic. It should be a bare minimum for me to be out, and I’m only out to my sister. There’s nothing to be proud of there. I’m ashamed of myself for hiding this part of me, for keeping the man I love a secret. Deep down I want the world to know how I feel, but I’m scared of the repercussions. I’m scared that people will define me by who I love rather than who I am. I’m a coward.

            As I’m finishing my sandwich, Beth walks in wearing a bathrobe. “Do you think I could get away with wearing this to the party?”

            “Not unless it’s lined with pearls and cost a fortune,” I say sarcastically. “Otherwise you’ll be the second child to be uninvited.”

            “That wouldn’t be so bad. I could be your third wheel instead.”

            “For the love of God, no,” I plead. “The last thing I want is for you to humiliate me in front of him.”

            “Me? Humiliate you? Do you remember that time you were my senior prom date because I couldn’t get someone my own age and you threw up on my dress because someone spiked the punch?”

            “Well it’s not my fault you had terrible acne and you broke your leg a month before the dance,” I say.

            She waves her hand as if she’s brushing it off. “I’m just saying it might be fun to blow this popsicle stand.”

            “Honestly, I just want some time to be alone with him,” I tell her. “I’m used to seeing him multiple times a week, and it’s been a bit hard not seeing him as much over break.”

            “I get it. You enjoy some quality time with your boyfriend.” She ruffles my hair. “I was wondering why my adorable little brother couldn’t get a girlfriend. I’m sorry you didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about this stuff in the past. I want you to know that I’m here for you now, even though I couldn’t be before.”

            I smile. “Thanks sis. It means a lot.” I stretch and yawn loudly. “I should probably take a shower before Josh gets in there. He spends way too long staring himself down in the mirror.”

            “Sounds like a plan. I’m going to try getting my dress on without having to ask Mom to come zip me up.”

            I return to my room after my shower and start getting dressed. Just before I finish, my phone vibrates.

            I’m outside!

            I hurriedly reply, I’ll be out in like 5 minutes!

            I quickly put on my shoes and grab my coat, ready to escape this house and feel good for the first time today. Once through the front door, I run down the driveway and across the street to where Teddy’s car is waiting for me. When I finally sit down in the passenger seat, I let out a deep breath and feel myself starting to relax.

            “Hello to you too,” Teddy says.

            “Give me like five minutes,” I tell him. “I’ve been on edge all day.”

            He leans over and kisses my cheek. “Take your time. There’s still six hours until the new year.”

            We sit in the car in total silence for about fifteen minutes. I’m trying to dispel the negative feelings of the day before I look at him, not wanting to taint the joy with the anger and confliction inside me. When I finally look over, he has his phone pointed in my direction.

            “Have you been taking pictures of me this whole time?”

            He grins. “You looked so angry! I needed to document this moment.”

            “But why?”

            “You’re really cute when you’re angry.”

            I roll my eyes and lean against him. “Ready to go?”

            “Not until you buckle up,” he says. “Where do you want to go?”

            “Well I figure we could start with dinner somewhere; that might eat up like two hours of our time. Then we could go to the movies.” I shrug. “Depending on how long the first movie is we might want to watch another one, but if it’s really close to midnight then maybe we could try finding some fireworks to watch.”

            “Aye-aye, Captain!”

            “What do you want to eat?” I ask him.

            He takes a minute to think. “We could go back to that diner you took me to earlier this week.”

            “Okay eating there does not take two hours,” I say, shaking my head. “We need to go somewhere where it takes like fifteen minutes for the waiter to show up and ask for drinks, and then at least another 15 before they ask what we’d like to eat.”

            “So any restaurant ever.”

            “Basically.” After a couple seconds, I say, “There’s a steakhouse on the opposite side of town from the movie theatre. That way we kill even more time getting from one place to another.”

            “I should start making you pay for gas,” he quips.

            “Okay, I didn’t even ask you to come over today! That was your choice!”

            He smirks. “But you like it.”

            “Isn’t that kind of the point of having a boyfriend?” I ask with a roll of my eyes. My stomach growls. “Can we go?”

            “Lead the way,” he says, putting the car in drive.

            Twenty-five minutes and several wrong turns later, we arrive at the restaurant. The host takes us to a booth in the corner and tells us our waiter will be with us soon. Teddy takes out his phone and shows me that he’s started a stopwatch. “I hope you’re ready to put your money where your mouth is, because if this doesn’t take fifteen minutes I’m going to make you buy our movie tickets.”

            “Deal,” I say.

            We exchange small talk. I ask about his mom and his brother. He tells me that his brother, Jaime, has a massive crush on one of his classmates, but he refuses to say anything about it. Every time Teddy brings the subject up, he starts blushing and stuttering and has to excuse himself from the conversation. His mom just got a new job as a domestic abuse support group organizer, and she was finally feeling like she was making a difference in people’s lives. I tell him that the siblings started showing up today, and that Josh thinks I’m out with a girlfriend tonight. That earns a laugh from him. When the waiter arrives, we tell him our drink choices, and he says he’ll return with those in a couple minutes.

            “Ooh, so close,” he says, holding up his phone. The stopwatch says thirteen minutes and fifty-five seconds. “I’ll give you this one.”

            “Wow, you’re so merciful,” I say.

            “So, what happened with Beth?”

            I cringe a little. I wasn’t ready for the conversation to turn to this just yet; I had been hoping that it would come up over desert, or even after-dinner mints. “Well, uh, I told her that we’re dating.”

            “Wasn’t that obvious though?” he asks. “She saw us making out the other day. That tends to send a message.”

            “She asked what you were like and how we met,” I mutter. I can feel the tips of my ears turning red. “I told her that you’re my teacher.”

            “What did she say?”

            I shrug. “She was really calm about it. She basically ignored the gay part and told me it was fine that I was dating my teacher. It was weird.”

            “Sounds like she took it well,” he says with a smile. “I’m really proud of you. This was a big step.”

            “But why are you proud of me? Shouldn’t being out just be the standard for us?” I inquire. “I’m doing the bare minimum required for acknowledging our relationship. Why would you be proud of that?”

            He reaches out to hold my hand. “Because coming out takes time. It’s kind of a long process. Most people don’t just come out to the whole world right away. I knew a girl when I was an undergrad that came out to our friend group freshman year and waited until her senior year to tell her parents. They build up the courage to tell one person, then some more to tell another person, then a lot before they finally tell everyone. Some people don’t ever tell everyone because it might be dangerous to tell certain people.”

            I sigh. “I guess.”

            “No matter how long it takes, I’ll always be proud of you whenever you make a coming out milestone,” he says with a squeeze to my hand. “I hope to be here for every step of the way.”

            I smile. “Thanks.”

            The waiter returns with our drinks and takes our orders. The whole time, Teddy keeps holding my hand, and I didn’t try to break our grip. When the food arrives, I try to eat especially slowly. Coming out is a process. The words keep rolling around in my mind. I guess in some ways it is. I probably wouldn’t have come out to Beth if she hadn’t seen us kissing in Teddy’s car. I probably wouldn’t have had this conversation with Teddy if Beth hadn’t caught us kissing in his car. If the circumstances varied even a little, I wouldn’t have considered coming out to my family for a very long time. My friends and classmates would eventually find out, I see them every day after all, but I avoid contact with my family whenever possible. In my opinion, they don’t need to know anything about my life besides that I’m alive. But now Beth knows. It’s only a matter of time before someone else finds out. Beth isn’t the best with secrets, and she crumbles under pressure. I could just rip off the bandage –

            “Earth to Ivan.” Teddy’s waving a hand in front of my face.

            “Sorry,” I say, swallowing my food.

            “You’ve been chewing on the same piece of meat for like five minutes,” he says. “You were pretty deep in thought there.”

            “I was just thinking about what you said about coming out being a process,” I explain.

            He smiles warmly. “I’m glad you’re thinking about it.” A few seconds later, he adds, “I feel like I’m third wheeling my own date though.”

            “Sorry.”

            “Don’t apologize. I’d rather be third wheeling a date with you than not be with you at all,” he says.

            I lean over and kiss his nose. “You’re the best.”

            We finish our meal with more chit-chat. I feel a warm heaviness in my gut, and I assume that feeling is a combination of love, confidence, and joy. As we’re leaving the restaurant, I check the time and start thinking about our plans for the rest of the night.

            “I think we should only watch one movie.”

            Teddy looks at me in confusion, then checks his watch. “It’s only 8:30. Why should we only watch one movie?”

            “Well, considering how lost you got on the way here, it’s going to take forty-five minutes to get to the theater,” I point out. “Most movies these days are about two hours long, and depending on when it starts, the latest we’d get out would be a little after 11.”

            “Okay,” comes his response. “What’ll we do after that?”

            “I have a surprise in mind.”

            He shakes his head. “Weirdo.”

            I give him a light nudge. “C’mon, let’s go!”

            When we arrive at the theater, we settle on a rom-com that starts at 9:30. We snuggle up on the reclining seats and stare up at the screen. That warm heaviness starts enveloping me, and I’m hardly paying attention to the movie because I’m planning out exactly what I’m going to say later. The feeling bolsters my confidence in Teddy, in our love, and in myself. I feel as if nothing can hold me back or shoot me down.

            “Did you even pay attention to the movie?” Teddy asks as we leave the theater.

            I laugh. “Did you?”

            “Touché,” he says. He checks his watch. “It’s only 11:20. What’s your big plan?”

            “Just drive where I tell you. It’s a surprise.”

            He snickers. “You really need to pay attention to the gas prices.”

            “You’ll get some gas money in the morning,” I promise him.

            “Wait, are we going to a sleazy motel?” he asks. “Are there even any sleazy motels in this city?”

            “Patience!” I scold him. “I told you, it’s a surprise.”

            Twenty minutes later we arrive outside my house.

            “I don’t get it.”

            I smile at him. “We’re going to my dad’s party.”

            “Wait, what?”

            “I told you, we’re going to my dad’s party.”

            He puts the back of his hand against my forehead. “Do you have a fever? Are you crazy?”

            “It’ll be fine! Dad probably won’t even notice us. He’s probably smoking cigars in his office with some big wigs. Plus there’s free drinks and appetizers and a champagne fountain for after the countdown.” I kiss his cheek. “We might even be able to sneak up to my room while everyone’s too preoccupied with the countdown.”

            He sighs. “If anything goes wrong it’s not my fault.”

            “Have I mentioned that I love you?” I say, kissing him on the lips this time.

            We get out of the car and walk up to the front door. I knock, and someone opens the door for us, then hesistates when they see that we’re underdressed. “It’s okay, I’m the host’s son. I’m just coming home from a night out,” I explain. Once inside, someone takes our coats, and I lead Teddy to the living room, where at least thirty people are mingling over cocktails.

            “Ivan!” I hear Josh yell from across the room.

            “Hey,” I reply, making my way over to him with Teddy following close behind. “Has it been as boring as I expected it to be?”

            Josh shrugs. “These are my people now. It’s surprisingly less boring when you understand what people are talking about.” He waves at Teddy. “Who’s your friend?”

            Teddy holds out his hand. “Theo. Nice to meet you.”

            “Nice to meet you too. I’m Josh, Ivan’s oldest brother,” he replies. “I don’t think I’ve heard much about you. How do you know Ivan?”

            “He’s my boyfriend,” I say, shocking both of them.

            “Really?” Josh manages to spit out after a couple seconds. “When did this happen?”

            “We started using the B-word in November,” I explain.

            Josh nods. “Ah. Okay. Well, nice to get to know you, Theo.”

            “The same to you,” Teddy replies before dragging me away. “What was that?”

            “A process,” I explain. I can’t get any further before one of Mom’s friends starts talking to us.

            “Ivan! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” she says, giving me a small hug. “How have you been?”

            “I’ve been good.”

            “Good, good!” She looks over at Theo. “Who’s your handsome friend?”

            “This is Theo,” I say. “We just got back from a night out.”

            “Well that’s nice. You young people shouldn’t be trapped at an old person party,” she says with a laugh. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your night.”

            “Thanks! I hope you’re feeling the same!” She nods and returns to the group she was talking to before, leaving me and Teddy alone together, surrounded by mostly strangers.

            “I didn’t say you had to come out to more people today!” he says with a hushed voice. “Are you actually crazy?”

            “No, I made that decision. And it felt really good,” I explain. “I’m tired of bottling us up. You’re always showing me off, it’s my turn to show you off.”

            “I don’t want you to push it, though,” he says. “I want you to take your time and make sure you want to do it. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger.”

            I open my mouth to respond when I hear my dad call my name. I turn to face him, standing my ground.

            “I told you not to come here, and I definitely didn’t tell you to invite someone,” he says sternly.

            I smirk. “We just got back from the movies. I figured arriving during the last hour wouldn’t do too much harm.”

            “Well,” he starts, “I’d rather you go up to your room before people start wondering where you’ve been. Please show your friend to the door, and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

            “If I have to go up to my room, then he’s coming with me.”

            Dad looks at me in shock. “Excuse me?”

            “He’s spending the night.” I assert. “He drove over three hours to hang out with me when I told him that I was uninvited, and I’m not going to make him drive that far after midnight with a bunch of drunk drivers on the road.”

            “He can spend the night in a hotel,” Dad says.

            “No, he won’t.”

            Teddy puts a hand on my shoulder. “Ivan, it’s fine. I can go.”

            “No it’s not!” I say to him. “It’s not fine.”

            “Ivan, what has gotten into you?” Dad asks, bewildered by my attitude.

            Mom comes over and stands just behind Dad. “Is everything alright here?”

            “I’m gay!” I say much louder than I expected to. Everyone nearby goes quiet and turns to face our growing group. Mom stares at us, mouth agape, while Dad’s face turns red. I turn to Teddy and grip his hand. In a calmer tone, I explain, “Teddy is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for the last couple months. He’s spending the night because he’s my boyfriend, and it would be rude for me to send him home. But if you insist on him spending the night in a hotel, then I’m going with him.”

            Dad stares at us for a few minutes before finally nodding and walking away. Mom continues staring, this time at Teddy. He reaches his hand out and mutters a, “Nice to meet you.” She looks at his hand for a moment before slowly walking up to him and giving him a hug. She hugs me next and says, “I’ve always known. I’m proud of you,” before turning and following Dad’s path. Once she’s out of earshot, Beth joins us.

            “Well, that’s one way to do it,” she says with an awkward chuckle. “Are you okay?”

            I nod. “I’m a little numb. I think it’s the adrenaline.” I look over and notice Teddy’s staring at his feet, cheeks and ears bright red.

            Beth gives me a hug. “I’ll leave you two alone. If you need anything, let me know.” She walks off, and Teddy and I are alone again.

            “Are you okay?” I ask.

            He shrugs. “I’m just really surprised,” he mumbles.

            I give him a tight hug. “I’ve just been worried that I’d never be able to share you with the world because I was scared about my family finding out. Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

            “We could still do things without your family finding out,” he says into my shoulder.

            “Well, yeah, we could go on dates and stuff.” I ruffle his hair. “But we couldn’t go on big trips or move in together or do other big things like that.”

            He gives me a squeeze. “I love you,” he says just as someone announces that there’s one minute before the New Year. He pushes away from me. “Hey! You planned this whole thing!”

            I laugh. “What do you mean?”

            “You planned this out so you would come out and then I’d be all sappy and kiss you!” he accuses. “I fell for it!”

            All around us people are starting the countdown. I pull him close, gaze into his eyes, and kiss him just before midnight.

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    “Ivan! Time for breakfast!”

            My mom’s call snaps me out of my trance. I miss being at school, only having to deal with people if I actually choose to. Ever since I got home for Winter Break I haven’t had more than a few minutes of alone time unless I’m pretending to be asleep. Even then, my siblings have a habit of barging in uninvited to borrow my stuff.

            “Ivan!” my mother shouts again.

            I climb out of bed and open my door, shouting back, “I’ll be down in five minutes!”

            “If he doesn’t come down in five minutes can I have his eggs?” I hear Beth ask Mom, and I think I hear Dad telling her that she’s had enough and that cold eggs are worse than no eggs.

            I begrudgingly brush my teeth and head downstairs, where I’m greeted by my parents with a, “What took you so long?” and a, “Hurry up, we have to start getting ready for the party soon.”

            “Bethany,” Mom says, “I’m going to need you to stop by the drycleaner’s and pick up your father and brothers’ suits for tonight.”

            “Only if I can bring Ivan along,” my sister responds, giving me the look that has been giving me anxiety for the last week. “I need some more time to catch up with my baby brother.”

            “You’ll have plenty of time to catch up with him later.” Dad sips on his coffee before adding, “I need to speak with Ivan about some personal matters.”

            I swallow hard. It’s never good when Dad wants to talk to me about “personal matters.” I’m the youngest, so it’s not as if my actions will have any major effect on his life. Nonetheless, when I told him that I wanted to go to music school, he lectured me about how music isn’t a reasonable enterprise and that I’d be better off working at his insurance company as a mail boy than trying to find work as a musician. Our relationship has always been strained, but since then it’s been all but destroyed; we hardly speak, and I’m not sure if it’s because of his disdain for my choices or because he just doesn’t know enough about music to ask. Mom was always the one who took me to my lessons as a kid, and I can’t remember a time when Dad wasn’t too busy at work to come to my concerts. Sometimes I wonder if he even tried to care.

            Beth sighs. “Fine, I’ll just catch up with him when I get back.”

            “Don’t take too long, honey, I need you to be back by two so my hairdresser can start working on you,” Mom says as Beth heads towards the stairs, earning a “Yes Mother” in response.

            I head back to my room after breakfast to get dressed and brace myself for the meeting with my father. I’m running all the possibilities through my head, trying to figure out what I could have done wrong to warrant a talk with him. The most terrifying option is that Beth told him what she saw the other day, but, if she had, Mom probably would have come to my room in tears, asking what she had done wrong while raising me and Dad would have thrown me out by now. I take a little comfort in that fact, but I still dread the confrontation to come.

            I hear my phone buzz from across the room.

            Hey babe, the text reads. How’s your morning?

            Good. Dad wants to talk so I might not be able to reply for a while. I leave my phone on my bedside table and go down to Dad’s office, trying my hardest to remain calm.

            My father’s office is always dimly lit. On the walls there are several bookshelves that have been collecting dust since we moved here; Dad never reads, and I would be surprised if he opened those books in the first place. On the walls are several portraits, the most notable being the one of my grandfather, his stern face staring down all my father’s victims. He sits at his desk at the far side of the room, facing the empty fireplace.

            I knock on the door, and he turns his chair around and motions for me to sit across from him.

            “What would you like to talk to me about, Sir?” I ask, barely maintaining eye contact with him.

            “I would like for you to remain in your room for the duration of the party this evening,” he says. “This party is for the investors in my firm and for my clients, and I wouldn’t want you distracting them.”

            “What do you mean?”

            He stands up and walks over to one of the bookshelves. “You don’t know anything about the family business, so your presence isn’t necessary. None of these people are particularly interested in talking about their lives, let alone music. They just want to make small talk about insurance and the stock market and politics. Josh and Beth are much more suited for this kind of situation. I’m sure you understand.”

            “You just don’t want me to embarrass you, is that it?” I say, rising from my chair. I knew this was about my choice to study music. Somehow it always comes back to that. I can’t even pretend to be surprised anymore.

            “I only want what’s best for you.”

            I laugh. “What’s best for me or what’s best for you? Music is what’s best for me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at. You just want me to be another pawn like the rest of your kids.”

            “Don’t talk about your siblings like that,” he says harshly. “Don’t you have any respect for your father?”

    “Why should I treat you with respect when you can’t even brush aside your pride for a couple hours and let me be a part of my own family’s party?” I turn to walk away, but then I add, “Not that it matters much. I had other plans anyways.”

            Once back in my room, I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. I just want to be back at school. I want to be on campus, surrounded by thousands of students and far, far away from my family. I want to be curled up in bed and nudged awake with gentle kisses and the smell of breakfast wafting in from the kitchen and a cat meowing in my ear. Most of all, I just want to be held by him. The memory of those lazy Sunday mornings starts lulling me into a light sleep.

            I hear my phone buzz again.

            Good luck! I believe in you! the first text reads. The more recent one asks, How’d it go?

            He doesn’t want me to be at his stupid party tonight, I reply.

            It takes a few minutes before I get a response. I’m on my way.

            I freak out. You’re not driving 3 hours just for one night! Stay home! It’s bad enough that Beth saw us. I don’t want this to get any worse.

            Too late. I’ll see you in a bit, the reply reads.

            I throw my phone across the room. I hate how he just feels like he has to put me first all the time. He’s on break too after all, he deserves to spend some time with his family. Besides, I’ve been dealing with my family my entire life, I can handle being alone with them for a couple weeks. But it’s too late; he’s coming over, and I’m going to have to figure out how to sneak out of the house while avoiding the party like Dad asked me to.

    What feels like an hour later, Beth bursts in and throws a dry cleaning bag on my bed. “Here’s your suit for tonight,” she says before turning to go to her room.

            “Thanks, but I don’t need it,” I say over my shoulder.

            “Why not?”

            I sigh. “Dad doesn’t want the family loser to embarrass him at his big party.”

            She sits down on my bed and pats the spot next to her. “What do you mean?”

            “He said he didn’t want me to distract his friends,” I respond, taking a seat further away from her on the bed. “Then he said that I didn’t know anything about insurance, and that his friends don’t care about music. So basically he doesn’t want me to embarrass him because I’m the weird kid that didn’t follow in his footsteps.”

            “So what are you going to do instead?”

            “I think I might go out or something.”

            Beth looks behind her shoulder for a second before giving me a sly look and asking, “With him?” I stare into my lap, trying not to blush, when she says, “It’s okay. You can tell me about him.”

            I’m silent for a few minutes. I don’t know where to start without making it sound completely absurd. I had never expected it to go this way. Ideally, none of this would have happened. But it did, and now I’m caught in a mess.

            “His name’s Theodore. I call him Teddy.”

            She smiles a little. “What’s he like?”

            “He’s an idiot,” I say with a dry laugh. “He’s obnoxious, with his piercings and bright green hair. Sometimes he acts like he’s sixteen instead of twenty-four. He’s got this weird sense of humor that’s mostly sex jokes and trying to make me angry. And he’s a really good cook. And he’s a cat person.”

            “What? How did you end up with a cat person?” she asks, the shock clear on her face.

            “I have no idea.” I sigh. “I miss him.”

            “How did you two meet?”

            I hesitate. “This is going to sound really weird.”

            “Yeah?”

            “Well when classes started it was my intention to put all of my energy into completing my major,” I say.

            She gives me a confused look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

    “I’m getting there,” I scold. “You know I love music. You know I wouldn’t risk my future by doing something stupid.”

    “You’re making no sense whatsoever.”

    “Let me speak! Jeez.” I give her an exasperated look. “He’s my violin teacher.”

    She blinks a couple times. “What?”

    “I go to his apartment three times a week for violin and cello lessons, and he taught my music theory class last semester.”

    “So you’re hooking up with your teacher?” she asks. “How did you manage that?”

            I shrug. “I don’t know, it just happened. To be honest, I hate how much I like him, and it’s making it hard to work with him.” I pause. “Are you okay with this?”

            “Okay with what? You’re my brother, nothing’s going to change that. So you’re dating your teacher. That’s not that big of a deal.” She pats my shoulder reassuringly. “I had a crush on half my professors when I was an undergrad.”

            “It’s not the fact that he’s my teacher that worries me,” I tell her, “It’s that he’s a guy.”

            “You’re gay. It’s not like you have cancer or something.” She stands up and walks toward the door. “You’re fine. You two have fun tonight.”

            I collapse on my bed, arms and legs spread wide. I hadn’t told anyone about Teddy yet. I’m scared that only the worst could come of it. He’s always so calm about the two of us being together. He’s always trying to show me off to his friends, and he keeps coming up with plans for us to go visit his family. It hurts because I don’t share that same excitement. Every time I think about bringing him home, I feel a deep sense of shame. Ever since Beth caught us kissing in his car earlier this week, I’ve been walking on eggshells. I’m thankful that she’s accepting of it, but I’m not so sure the rest of my family will be. Mom and Dad both “traditional,” so I don’t expect them to. The rest of the siblings are a mixed bag. I’ve never talked about this stuff with them, so I can’t make any assumptions.

    I end up taking a nap to pass the time. That is, I tried to take a nap. I hardly got any sleep, and I mostly stared at the ceiling. Downstairs I can hear the caterers setting up for the party. Every once in a while I hear Mom telling them to move a table somewhere else or to adjust the flower arrangements. At some point Beth got dragged off to get her hair done, and Josh could be heard making small talk with the help. Eventually I wander downstairs to find a snack, trying my best to avoid the commotion in the living room.

            “Hey, there’s the freshman!” Josh shouts at me. “How was your first semester?”

            I shrug. “It was fine. I can’t wait to get back to school.”

            “Yeah, I know the feeling.” He pats my shoulder. “Are you ready for the party tonight?”

            “No, I’m going out with a friend tonight instead.”

            “Really? Where are you going to go as a 19-year-old on New Year’s Eve?”

            “I’m not entirely sure yet,” I say. “Maybe we’ll just go get dinner somewhere and maybe catch a movie after. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

            “Well if you two get bored I’m sure it won’t be a big deal if you bring her to the party,” he says slyly, adding a wink.

            “Yeah, sure.” I head to the kitchen, half expecting him to pry, but I’m relieved to see that he isn’t.

            I return to my room with a sandwich to find that I’ve received a new text.

            Had to stop for gas and a snack. I’ll be there in like an hour or an hour and a half.

            Take your time, I respond. I came out to Beth, I send after a few seconds.

            Really?! What happened? he asks.

            I’ll tell you when you get here.

            Okay. A minute later, he says, I’m proud of you.

            He’s proud of me for doing something that seems so basic. It should be a bare minimum for me to be out, and I’m only out to my sister. There’s nothing to be proud of there. I’m ashamed of myself for hiding this part of me, for keeping the man I love a secret. Deep down I want the world to know how I feel, but I’m scared of the repercussions. I’m scared that people will define me by who I love rather than who I am. I’m a coward.

            As I’m finishing my sandwich, Beth walks in wearing a bathrobe. “Do you think I could get away with wearing this to the party?”

            “Not unless it’s lined with pearls and cost a fortune,” I say sarcastically. “Otherwise you’ll be the second child to be uninvited.”

            “That wouldn’t be so bad. I could be your third wheel instead.”

            “For the love of God, no,” I plead. “The last thing I want is for you to humiliate me in front of him.”

            “Me? Humiliate you? Do you remember that time you were my senior prom date because I couldn’t get someone my own age and you threw up on my dress because someone spiked the punch?”

            “Well it’s not my fault you had terrible acne and you broke your leg a month before the dance,” I say.

            She waves her hand as if she’s brushing it off. “I’m just saying it might be fun to blow this popsicle stand.”

            “Honestly, I just want some time to be alone with him,” I tell her. “I’m used to seeing him multiple times a week, and it’s been a bit hard not seeing him as much over break.”

            “I get it. You enjoy some quality time with your boyfriend.” She ruffles my hair. “I was wondering why my adorable little brother couldn’t get a girlfriend. I’m sorry you didn’t feel comfortable talking to me about this stuff in the past. I want you to know that I’m here for you now, even though I couldn’t be before.”

            I smile. “Thanks sis. It means a lot.” I stretch and yawn loudly. “I should probably take a shower before Josh gets in there. He spends way too long staring himself down in the mirror.”

            “Sounds like a plan. I’m going to try getting my dress on without having to ask Mom to come zip me up.”

            I return to my room after my shower and start getting dressed. Just before I finish, my phone vibrates.

            I’m outside!

            I hurriedly reply, I’ll be out in like 5 minutes!

            I quickly put on my shoes and grab my coat, ready to escape this house and feel good for the first time today. Once through the front door, I run down the driveway and across the street to where Teddy’s car is waiting for me. When I finally sit down in the passenger seat, I let out a deep breath and feel myself starting to relax.

            “Hello to you too,” Teddy says.

            “Give me like five minutes,” I tell him. “I’ve been on edge all day.”

            He leans over and kisses my cheek. “Take your time. There’s still six hours until the new year.”

            We sit in the car in total silence for about fifteen minutes. I’m trying to dispel the negative feelings of the day before I look at him, not wanting to taint the joy with the anger and confliction inside me. When I finally look over, he has his phone pointed in my direction.

            “Have you been taking pictures of me this whole time?”

            He grins. “You looked so angry! I needed to document this moment.”

            “But why?”

            “You’re really cute when you’re angry.”

            I roll my eyes and lean against him. “Ready to go?”

            “Not until you buckle up,” he says. “Where do you want to go?”

            “Well I figure we could start with dinner somewhere; that might eat up like two hours of our time. Then we could go to the movies.” I shrug. “Depending on how long the first movie is we might want to watch another one, but if it’s really close to midnight then maybe we could try finding some fireworks to watch.”

            “Aye-aye, Captain!”

            “What do you want to eat?” I ask him.

            He takes a minute to think. “We could go back to that diner you took me to earlier this week.”

            “Okay eating there does not take two hours,” I say, shaking my head. “We need to go somewhere where it takes like fifteen minutes for the waiter to show up and ask for drinks, and then at least another 15 before they ask what we’d like to eat.”

            “So any restaurant ever.”

            “Basically.” After a couple seconds, I say, “There’s a steakhouse on the opposite side of town from the movie theatre. That way we kill even more time getting from one place to another.”

            “I should start making you pay for gas,” he quips.

            “Okay, I didn’t even ask you to come over today! That was your choice!”

            He smirks. “But you like it.”

            “Isn’t that kind of the point of having a boyfriend?” I ask with a roll of my eyes. My stomach growls. “Can we go?”

            “Lead the way,” he says, putting the car in drive.

            Twenty-five minutes and several wrong turns later, we arrive at the restaurant. The host takes us to a booth in the corner and tells us our waiter will be with us soon. Teddy takes out his phone and shows me that he’s started a stopwatch. “I hope you’re ready to put your money where your mouth is, because if this doesn’t take fifteen minutes I’m going to make you buy our movie tickets.”

            “Deal,” I say.

            We exchange small talk. I ask about his mom and his brother. He tells me that his brother, Jaime, has a massive crush on one of his classmates, but he refuses to say anything about it. Every time Teddy brings the subject up, he starts blushing and stuttering and has to excuse himself from the conversation. His mom just got a new job as a domestic abuse support group organizer, and she was finally feeling like she was making a difference in people’s lives. I tell him that the siblings started showing up today, and that Josh thinks I’m out with a girlfriend tonight. That earns a laugh from him. When the waiter arrives, we tell him our drink choices, and he says he’ll return with those in a couple minutes.

            “Ooh, so close,” he says, holding up his phone. The stopwatch says thirteen minutes and fifty-five seconds. “I’ll give you this one.”

            “Wow, you’re so merciful,” I say.

            “So, what happened with Beth?”

            I cringe a little. I wasn’t ready for the conversation to turn to this just yet; I had been hoping that it would come up over desert, or even after-dinner mints. “Well, uh, I told her that we’re dating.”

            “Wasn’t that obvious though?” he asks. “She saw us making out the other day. That tends to send a message.”

            “She asked what you were like and how we met,” I mutter. I can feel the tips of my ears turning red. “I told her that you’re my teacher.”

            “What did she say?”

            I shrug. “She was really calm about it. She basically ignored the gay part and told me it was fine that I was dating my teacher. It was weird.”

            “Sounds like she took it well,” he says with a smile. “I’m really proud of you. This was a big step.”

            “But why are you proud of me? Shouldn’t being out just be the standard for us?” I inquire. “I’m doing the bare minimum required for acknowledging our relationship. Why would you be proud of that?”

            He reaches out to hold my hand. “Because coming out takes time. It’s kind of a long process. Most people don’t just come out to the whole world right away. I knew a girl when I was an undergrad that came out to our friend group freshman year and waited until her senior year to tell her parents. They build up the courage to tell one person, then some more to tell another person, then a lot before they finally tell everyone. Some people don’t ever tell everyone because it might be dangerous to tell certain people.”

            I sigh. “I guess.”

            “No matter how long it takes, I’ll always be proud of you whenever you make a coming out milestone,” he says with a squeeze to my hand. “I hope to be here for every step of the way.”

            I smile. “Thanks.”

            The waiter returns with our drinks and takes our orders. The whole time, Teddy keeps holding my hand, and I didn’t try to break our grip. When the food arrives, I try to eat especially slowly. Coming out is a process. The words keep rolling around in my mind. I guess in some ways it is. I probably wouldn’t have come out to Beth if she hadn’t seen us kissing in Teddy’s car. I probably wouldn’t have had this conversation with Teddy if Beth hadn’t caught us kissing in his car. If the circumstances varied even a little, I wouldn’t have considered coming out to my family for a very long time. My friends and classmates would eventually find out, I see them every day after all, but I avoid contact with my family whenever possible. In my opinion, they don’t need to know anything about my life besides that I’m alive. But now Beth knows. It’s only a matter of time before someone else finds out. Beth isn’t the best with secrets, and she crumbles under pressure. I could just rip off the bandage –

            “Earth to Ivan.” Teddy’s waving a hand in front of my face.

            “Sorry,” I say, swallowing my food.

            “You’ve been chewing on the same piece of meat for like five minutes,” he says. “You were pretty deep in thought there.”

            “I was just thinking about what you said about coming out being a process,” I explain.

            He smiles warmly. “I’m glad you’re thinking about it.” A few seconds later, he adds, “I feel like I’m third wheeling my own date though.”

            “Sorry.”

            “Don’t apologize. I’d rather be third wheeling a date with you than not be with you at all,” he says.

            I lean over and kiss his nose. “You’re the best.”

            We finish our meal with more chit-chat. I feel a warm heaviness in my gut, and I assume that feeling is a combination of love, confidence, and joy. As we’re leaving the restaurant, I check the time and start thinking about our plans for the rest of the night.

            “I think we should only watch one movie.”

            Teddy looks at me in confusion, then checks his watch. “It’s only 8:30. Why should we only watch one movie?”

            “Well, considering how lost you got on the way here, it’s going to take forty-five minutes to get to the theater,” I point out. “Most movies these days are about two hours long, and depending on when it starts, the latest we’d get out would be a little after 11.”

            “Okay,” comes his response. “What’ll we do after that?”

            “I have a surprise in mind.”

            He shakes his head. “Weirdo.”

            I give him a light nudge. “C’mon, let’s go!”

            When we arrive at the theater, we settle on a rom-com that starts at 9:30. We snuggle up on the reclining seats and stare up at the screen. That warm heaviness starts enveloping me, and I’m hardly paying attention to the movie because I’m planning out exactly what I’m going to say later. The feeling bolsters my confidence in Teddy, in our love, and in myself. I feel as if nothing can hold me back or shoot me down.

            “Did you even pay attention to the movie?” Teddy asks as we leave the theater.

            I laugh. “Did you?”

            “Touché,” he says. He checks his watch. “It’s only 11:20. What’s your big plan?”

            “Just drive where I tell you. It’s a surprise.”

            He snickers. “You really need to pay attention to the gas prices.”

            “You’ll get some gas money in the morning,” I promise him.

            “Wait, are we going to a sleazy motel?” he asks. “Are there even any sleazy motels in this city?”

            “Patience!” I scold him. “I told you, it’s a surprise.”

            Twenty minutes later we arrive outside my house.

            “I don’t get it.”

            I smile at him. “We’re going to my dad’s party.”

            “Wait, what?”

            “I told you, we’re going to my dad’s party.”

            He puts the back of his hand against my forehead. “Do you have a fever? Are you crazy?”

            “It’ll be fine! Dad probably won’t even notice us. He’s probably smoking cigars in his office with some big wigs. Plus there’s free drinks and appetizers and a champagne fountain for after the countdown.” I kiss his cheek. “We might even be able to sneak up to my room while everyone’s too preoccupied with the countdown.”

            He sighs. “If anything goes wrong it’s not my fault.”

            “Have I mentioned that I love you?” I say, kissing him on the lips this time.

            We get out of the car and walk up to the front door. I knock, and someone opens the door for us, then hesistates when they see that we’re underdressed. “It’s okay, I’m the host’s son. I’m just coming home from a night out,” I explain. Once inside, someone takes our coats, and I lead Teddy to the living room, where at least thirty people are mingling over cocktails.

            “Ivan!” I hear Josh yell from across the room.

            “Hey,” I reply, making my way over to him with Teddy following close behind. “Has it been as boring as I expected it to be?”

            Josh shrugs. “These are my people now. It’s surprisingly less boring when you understand what people are talking about.” He waves at Teddy. “Who’s your friend?”

            Teddy holds out his hand. “Theo. Nice to meet you.”

            “Nice to meet you too. I’m Josh, Ivan’s oldest brother,” he replies. “I don’t think I’ve heard much about you. How do you know Ivan?”

            “He’s my boyfriend,” I say, shocking both of them.

            “Really?” Josh manages to spit out after a couple seconds. “When did this happen?”

            “We started using the B-word in November,” I explain.

            Josh nods. “Ah. Okay. Well, nice to get to know you, Theo.”

            “The same to you,” Teddy replies before dragging me away. “What was that?”

            “A process,” I explain. I can’t get any further before one of Mom’s friends starts talking to us.

            “Ivan! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” she says, giving me a small hug. “How have you been?”

            “I’ve been good.”

            “Good, good!” She looks over at Theo. “Who’s your handsome friend?”

            “This is Theo,” I say. “We just got back from a night out.”

            “Well that’s nice. You young people shouldn’t be trapped at an old person party,” she says with a laugh. “I’m glad you’re enjoying your night.”

            “Thanks! I hope you’re feeling the same!” She nods and returns to the group she was talking to before, leaving me and Teddy alone together, surrounded by mostly strangers.

            “I didn’t say you had to come out to more people today!” he says with a hushed voice. “Are you actually crazy?”

            “No, I made that decision. And it felt really good,” I explain. “I’m tired of bottling us up. You’re always showing me off, it’s my turn to show you off.”

            “I don’t want you to push it, though,” he says. “I want you to take your time and make sure you want to do it. I don’t want you to put yourself in danger.”

            I open my mouth to respond when I hear my dad call my name. I turn to face him, standing my ground.

            “I told you not to come here, and I definitely didn’t tell you to invite someone,” he says sternly.

            I smirk. “We just got back from the movies. I figured arriving during the last hour wouldn’t do too much harm.”

            “Well,” he starts, “I’d rather you go up to your room before people start wondering where you’ve been. Please show your friend to the door, and we’ll talk about this in the morning.”

            “If I have to go up to my room, then he’s coming with me.”

            Dad looks at me in shock. “Excuse me?”

            “He’s spending the night.” I assert. “He drove over three hours to hang out with me when I told him that I was uninvited, and I’m not going to make him drive that far after midnight with a bunch of drunk drivers on the road.”

            “He can spend the night in a hotel,” Dad says.

            “No, he won’t.”

            Teddy puts a hand on my shoulder. “Ivan, it’s fine. I can go.”

            “No it’s not!” I say to him. “It’s not fine.”

            “Ivan, what has gotten into you?” Dad asks, bewildered by my attitude.

            Mom comes over and stands just behind Dad. “Is everything alright here?”

            “I’m gay!” I say much louder than I expected to. Everyone nearby goes quiet and turns to face our growing group. Mom stares at us, mouth agape, while Dad’s face turns red. I turn to Teddy and grip his hand. In a calmer tone, I explain, “Teddy is my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for the last couple months. He’s spending the night because he’s my boyfriend, and it would be rude for me to send him home. But if you insist on him spending the night in a hotel, then I’m going with him.”

            Dad stares at us for a few minutes before finally nodding and walking away. Mom continues staring, this time at Teddy. He reaches his hand out and mutters a, “Nice to meet you.” She looks at his hand for a moment before slowly walking up to him and giving him a hug. She hugs me next and says, “I’ve always known. I’m proud of you,” before turning and following Dad’s path. Once she’s out of earshot, Beth joins us.

            “Well, that’s one way to do it,” she says with an awkward chuckle. “Are you okay?”

            I nod. “I’m a little numb. I think it’s the adrenaline.” I look over and notice Teddy’s staring at his feet, cheeks and ears bright red.

            Beth gives me a hug. “I’ll leave you two alone. If you need anything, let me know.” She walks off, and Teddy and I are alone again.

            “Are you okay?” I ask.

            He shrugs. “I’m just really surprised,” he mumbles.

            I give him a tight hug. “I’ve just been worried that I’d never be able to share you with the world because I was scared about my family finding out. Now I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

            “We could still do things without your family finding out,” he says into my shoulder.

            “Well, yeah, we could go on dates and stuff.” I ruffle his hair. “But we couldn’t go on big trips or move in together or do other big things like that.”

            He gives me a squeeze. “I love you,” he says just as someone announces that there’s one minute before the New Year. He pushes away from me. “Hey! You planned this whole thing!”

            I laugh. “What do you mean?”

            “You planned this out so you would come out and then I’d be all sappy and kiss you!” he accuses. “I fell for it!”

            All around us people are starting the countdown. I pull him close, gaze into his eyes, and kiss him just before midnight.