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ChikitaWolf β The Thing About Nice People
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Published: 2016-08-21 16:12:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 3214; Favourites: 7; Downloads: 0
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I think I might be hitting a semi-hiatus point now, but there's something I've wanted to mention for a while. It's not spurned on from any event in particular, just a problem I've noticed especially with our generation.
If someone tells you "I thought you were nice..." just because you told them "no", didn't let someone step on you, or you decided to voice your honest opinion, then they have a very scewed perception of what a nice person is.
Nice people are allowed to have backbones too. You can be nice to others while telling them "no." You can be nice to others while still having your own opinions/views. And you can be nice to others without letting them use you as a doormat. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Also, being nice in stressful situations and even when people aren't can be exhausting!! Don't be afraid to find a friend to privately let loose to and rant to, it won't make you "mean." Everyone needs to have a good bitch-fest at some point to relieve stress, you are not excluded just because you're trying to hold to the standard of a "nice" person.
Treat others as you want to be treated, but don't forget that standing up for yourself and treating yourself is also important!
And to anyone who tells you "I thought you were nice...", remind them that nice people are allowed to have backbones too.
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Comments: 26
After reading that, I feel better about myself for some reason. I usually am the nice person so nobody usually goes over my boundaries but if they ask something from me like a drawing I reply yes cause I don't want to cause any trouble. I should say no but I don't have enough courage to since I'm scared they might intimidate me. I don't know if that made any sense either, I'm sorry for that.
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I'm glad! <3
My bestie used to have that same problem, I totally get what you mean, no worries ;v; My point to her was that firstly, you can't please everyone, and if you try you'll probably just become a doormat; and secondly, if someone gets into a fit over her saying "no" or judges her for saying "no", they wouldn't be worth her time in the first place. Inconsiderate people don't deserve to get rewarded art if all they do is take advantage of you and treat you badly over one "no." They aren't people worth being around :T
But most people are understanding if you do say "no" while giving a reason why, it's pretty rare to have someone pitch a bitchfit over it.Β It can be really hard getting used to saying "no", but the more you do, the easier it gets - and the less stressed you'll be too!
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so freaking true.
People say I've changed, and I have in my ACTIONS but not my values. I used to get stepped on all the time, and now I just don't allow it. I stand up for myself. I stand up for others too. I've had people who used to mean a lot to me block me for it, and I just don't care. That doesn't mean I wouldn't accept them back into my life. I'm a forgiving person, but I'm also not the kind of person who will take a lot of crap anymore. That is past Lauren. Just because I didn't SAY what I thought back then doesn't mean I enjoyed being taken advantage of or viewed as this perfect little princess who couldn't do anything wrong. It was a difficult stereotype to live up to tbh and good riddance.
Meds absolutely suck but I'm SO GLAD you have a good balance. Rn my meds are causing me to have daily meltdowns and the brain fog is so much that I hurt myself doing things like forgetting about stairs and walls and not noticing furniture. Hoping my new psych I get to see in approximately 3 weeks will sort that out.
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LOVE THIS SO MUCH. WHAT A GREAT STANCE TO TAKE YESSSS.Β
I had a lot of trouble making friends when I was little bc I always spoke my mind, I quieted down pretty quickly around middle school but I still didn't let anyone step on me and could give quite the tongue-lashing if someone tried to make fun of me. I found that even if I didn't make much for friends in those years (well, if any), it was definitely for the better, because it's the friends who will accept you for who you are and who are open to communicating honestly with you that are the ones you wanna keep!Β
And I think it's really cool you're able to accept people back too. I've always felt holding a grudge can just take way too much effort and salt xD Plus, people make mistakes, and as long as they eventually learn from them, I've got no issue with them.Β
SAMMME. Oh goodness, I really hope you're able to find your balance soon!! That sounds absolutely terrible D: If it's possible you should definitely call in and see if you can get in earlier, they ought to see you if the side effects you're having are that severe. That's what I did with my psych!
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I had no trouble making friends when I was little because I was outspoken and outgoing and I tried to find something in common with everyone, but yeah it was around middle school too when I got shy and quiet and no one really knew anything about me anymore. I have natural like really bad resting bitch face so a lot of people I've found out recently just assumed I was in a bad mood all the time or didn't like them when I was literally just off in ADD-land not paying attention to anything haha. But they sure didn't hesitate to ask for pencils and paper and stuff, and my mom always fussed at me for needing new school supplies so often, but I couldn't say no. And I didn't get bullied exactly, but I was a teacher's pet and got treated differently so I didn't feel like I fit in. But the friends I did have were amazing, and I still have most of them. And since I've started going to cons and frequenting a small anime store in our mall I've gotten more friends because y'know, people with common interests gather in a place and you get to know them. I go to the mall now fully expecting to run into at least 3 or 4 of my friends... partially because the employees are my buds too haha. Now I can recognize warning signs of a toxic person, though, and ease myself out of their lives usually before things start getting too buddy-buddy.
Ahh thanks :> I go to a different (hopefully better) psych in like 2 weeks so hopefully he'll look at my chart and do the "HUH?" thing that I've been doing all along and take me off some crap and test me for other stuff that I really probably have (call me a hypochondriac but I've never gone to the doctor for a problem I didn't end up having). I'm unemployed and trying to get temp disability now so it doesn't affect a work/school schedule and they're not in any rush plus they're really busy and I've heard they're amazing and I was lucky to get in at all.
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I really needed this hahaha! I usually salt like a fishstick :'D
I agree with you about this!!! I been told I am 'mean' when I have a opinion.Β
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LOL
I think it really just depends with how the opinion is delivered xD At least that seems to be the main contributing factor of how people take it?? Of course sometimes there's just no way NOT to offend someone, so who knows xD
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I usually try not to offend someone qq but I agree!!
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One of the many reasons why I'm somewhat anti-social lol
Can't say anything or do anything without people taking it the wrong way. They think you HAVE to be a certain way and can't have any variations. No one is black and white.Β
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I've noticed a lot of bluntly (but not inconsiderate) honest people have that problem too?? I dunno, it's easy to take things too personally nowadays (I know I've done it before!). It'd be nice if people didn't assume the immediate worst, as hard as that can be.
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I always want to seem like a nice person, but that makes me not want to be honest with people most of the time. Most people will think I'm being a jerk if I tell them the truth, even if I say things in a kind way. Which is why I sometimes think it's better not to try 
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This was incredibly reassuring to read : D Thanks, Chi!
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No problem, I'm glad!! <3
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Nice people also have claws when needed. Nice people can become jaded and corrupted just as easily by telling us "I thought you were nice". We are people too, we're not flawless, we make mistakes, we get so exhausted from 'being nice' to people who don't deserve our kindness. Β
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Veryyyyy true. Only so much shit can get tolerated. I know quite a few people who used to be total cinnamon buns to almost everyone but got tired of being taken for granted. They're a lot saltier now bc of it.
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Exactly. Saltier than the Dead Sea; my comrades and me.
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*paps chi*Β
One not-nice act or at least an act percieved as not-nice (by these people incapable of differentiating being niceness and personal opinion) does
not erase a history of niceness!
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The whole "I thought you were nice" in this context, it's just plain bratty. I remember once I open requests, but they were very specific. I was very adamant on what type of characters I wanted to draw, and for the most part people read my rules and preferences and followed pretty well. Now I do have a lot of younger kids following me ( between 14 to 16, so a lot of young teens) so I wasn't too surprised when I had someone ask me to draw something that was not in my preferences. I informed them that is not what this request group was for, and she just got so nasty. It ended with her blocking me, saying that I wasn't as nice as I tried to appear.
IDK it irritates me when people assume your demeanor is facade because you didn't say what they wanted you to say. I find it happens a lot in the critique field as well.
I had a former friend basically tell people you're not allowed to vent in anyway because it makes the situation public. Even if it's a private Skype call or chat on Google Hangouts. I find that notion absolutely stupid, it's not healthy to bottle up if you're frustrated especially if you have really good friends who will sit there and let you vent for a few minutes.Β
Sorry for such a rambling comment XD I've just run into this problem quite a few times. I try to be as friendly as possible but I guess that comes across as push over sometimes, so when I show someone of a backbone I guess it makes me not friendly? Whatever XD really good journal Chi
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Venting is a great way to clear your mind too! I actually have a sta.sh folder filled with unposted vents, it can really help reorganize your thoughts and refocus. But it's easier with friends since they can give you their perspective to help pacify you or just a shoulder to lean on until you use up those negative emotions. Bottling it up will only result in an eventua explosion or meltdown :T
Thanks xD And no problemo!
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