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ClickClickBangUKugly for a reason

Published: 2010-02-19 10:11:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 76395; Favourites: 1165; Downloads: 0
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Description THANK YOU SO MUCH for the inspiring comments and revelations and laying bare, many of them have left me speechless and several have reduced me to tears. thank you @leaf-lover for giving me a DD on probably the one photograph in my gallery i hate, but i do understand why!

for those who have asked, the quote that was given to me by my tutor which led to this picture is:
‘A photograph is both a pseudo-presence and a token of absence. Like a wood fire in a room, photographs – especially those of people, of distant landscapes and faraway cities, of the vanished past – are incitements to reverie*. The sense of the unattainable that can be evoked by photographs feeds directly into the erotic feelings of those for whom desirability is enhanced by distance. The lover’s photograph hidden in a married woman’s wallet, the poster photograph of a rock star tacked up over an adolescents bed, the campaign-button image of a politician’s face pinned on a voter’s coat, the snapshots of a cabin-driver’s children clipped to the visor – all such talismanic uses of photographs express a feeling both sentimental and implicitly magical: the are attempts to contact or lay claim to another reality.’ (Sontag, 1979:16)




EDIT-i'm seriously gobsmacked and touched by the lovely, positive, inspiring comments i'm getting on this image. i certainly wasnt expecting it. thank you so much everyone, it means an awful lot

college self portrait. no editing or post-processing, based on a susan sontag quote.

i nearly chickened out of using this for college at all, i found it very difficult as it has a lot of personal meaning and i find it difficult to post 'warts-and-all' images of myself.

explanation of the image taken from my college posting:

"the neck corset-relates to my eating disorder. i have suffered from bulimia for 15 years, and have recently started therapy for it, the corset represents the purging of food, and the restriction an eating disorder has over your life. i'm hoping that its almost past me, i'm getting there at least.

the invisible face/visible mouth again relating to the bulimia, it is amazing how your life rotates around your mouth and what you put in/take out of it when you have an ED, and i wanted to reflect that.

the taut string on my tummy relates to my body before and after children, i have never been a skinny girl but after having 2 very large children (both over 10 pounds) my body has taken a large toll (which in turn has influenced the eating disorder) and as a larger lady, its the one part of my body i feel isnt in proportion with the rest of me. the string represents the state of my tum before i had children, and how i miss it, but the purple heart is placed over my womb, because i may hate my belly, but i still love it because it gave me two beautiful children.

its a reflection on my body, on my life, mostly past (like in the quote) but also present, 'an incitement to reverie' and remembrance of what things were like before.

its a difficult picture for me, i rarely do full body self portraits but i wanted to, hopefully, do the sontag quote some justice. i dont know if thats been acheived but, even though its been hard, i sorta-kinda like the end result. i'd like it a lot more if it wasnt of me though

i'd really appreciate your feedback on what the image means to you after the explanation, and i am very open about my ED so dont be afraid to ask any questions "

please be nice, remember its an un-edited picture so no crit on that side of things thanks!
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Comments: 1379

WickedDetective In reply to ??? [2012-02-07 16:13:06 +0000 UTC]

You have such sensual curves and beautiful skin,I love your lips and the tattoos too....

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My-Oblivion-Key [2012-02-04 21:02:42 +0000 UTC]

This is really a wonderful artistic vision, and executed with perfection. Even though you provided your explanation, there are still many ways to look at this photo. A very moving concept. And you may have a huge gut, but so what? I personally think you're quite pretty regardless.

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pikimori [2012-02-01 23:52:20 +0000 UTC]

Oh gosh, this is beautiful... I've always wanted to be either thin, or the size of the person in this picture. I'm... In the middle. I can't gain weight where I want to. This picture is just so beautiful... I wish I could have this body to call my own.

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Miyori999 [2011-12-29 10:35:49 +0000 UTC]

This is wonderful. After reading the description, I had to wipe my eyes, particularly because of the thought you really put into this.
Every personality is shaped by personal experience, and every person with their own personality brings to the table unique qualities, and gifts that can help them in the work force--like the kid whose mom was saved after an accedent. The child may become a determined and strong willed, wanting to become a doctor and not letting anyone tell them otherwise.
Sometimes we reflect those experiences in our bodies as well-The scar you got at five, climbing a tree and having a blast--the tatoo you got when your child was born (My mom).
I was always underweight up until I was about 9 years old. I was raised in an exceptionally poor family, and sometimes we wouldn't have anything to eat the last few days of the month. Things got worse, I went into foster care, and I refused to eat because I was unhappy, missing my mother. Things got better. I went home, and mama was making enough money to support us properly. But now, for the past 7 years (I'm 17) I've been struggling to keep my weight down. I feel awful sometimes, but then I realize, I'm stubborn too. I'm difficult, better with my earnings than any person I know, and I know things can always get better, and things will get better more often than they get worse. My personality was shaped by my growing up (I haven't had time for anything besides growing up) just as my body was.
This picture really even has a meaning to me, really your explanation, that I'm having difficulty wording.
Thank you. This photo is for you, but it means a lot to me. By the way Is how I do speechless.

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Tinkerbird08 [2011-11-26 07:00:17 +0000 UTC]

wow. just wow.

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trublusky [2011-11-21 15:56:24 +0000 UTC]

I love how you put so much thought into this picture! There are so many self portraits out there that are just faces and randomness.... This is art

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MintyMojito [2011-11-16 11:09:17 +0000 UTC]

This honestly makes me guilty for trying to lose weight! I also have body dysmorphia. ;A; I've been heavier set most of my life due to medicine I needed to take for my Tourettes Syndrome. I used to be a stick (my parents were actually worried lol)! But the fact that you embrace yourself for who you are..ugg...I just can't feel any more respect for you than I do now! You are a strong strong woman and it makes me proud to have been heavier. Thank you so much for sharing this!

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D-art-K In reply to ??? [2011-10-29 12:18:35 +0000 UTC]

Art is not about what the media tells us is perfect.
THIS is true art.

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Lotska In reply to ??? [2011-10-10 18:07:55 +0000 UTC]

Don't feed the trolls

Donna this is gorgeous. Well done for being so brave and as awesome as you always are with every.single.thing you do.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Lotska [2011-10-10 20:25:39 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much lovelylovelylotska!

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PeggySooModel In reply to ??? [2011-10-10 16:09:18 +0000 UTC]

Can I comment on this?

Dear Frost727 whatever whatever.
I personally know this lady, she is the most selfless and modest person I have ever had the pleasure to meet. I've never heard her moan about her weight or her life, her humourous reply to your disgusting comment I think goes a hell of a way to showing everyone what a lovely person she is.
I've never heard her blame anyone else for anything, let alone her weight so why don't you try shutting the hell up, it wouldn't do you any harm to go shove a piece of cake in your gob rather than sharing your worthless view on internet forums.
You know what, Lady Twiglet is a lovely person, who cares what a person looks like as long as they are beautiful inside? And BY THE WAY, she's fit on the outside too, you absolute cretin.

I seriously suspect someone wasn't hugged enough as a child, poor little Frosty knickers, taking his issues out on other people just because they like eating.
I'd much rather see gorgeous images taken by (and of) courageous people such as the image above than ever read such pathetic rants anyday of the week.

KTHANKSBAI, Joben.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to PeggySooModel [2011-10-10 16:27:41 +0000 UTC]

you're awesome i loooooove you

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JossLuvsVille In reply to ??? [2011-08-30 07:17:43 +0000 UTC]

I'm on the bigger side myself. I'm young, not yet twenty, but I've grown up big. I have a medical problem that I was born with that makes it very difficult for me to lose weight. I could never - ever - do to myself what you have done and showed so much courage. You're a beautiful person inside and out. In today's society it's hard for me to be big when society is screaming for thin figures, left right and center.
You're a wonderful person.
You should never let anyone make you feel as though you don't deserve something.
<3

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Onedera In reply to ??? [2011-08-29 08:31:13 +0000 UTC]

I wish I had confidence like you, you are truly inspiring. I could never do this with my anxiety and all. You are beautiful. But once again just really an inspiration for me, thank you.

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oOriver-hushOo [2011-08-16 05:00:16 +0000 UTC]

so inspiring. i wish i had the bravery and confidence to put a picture like that on the internet, you are true beauty, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. and you are not ugly for a reason, you are not ugly at all, in my eyes and should be everyone's you are magnificently beautiful!

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moon-sorceress [2011-08-11 16:09:09 +0000 UTC]

This photo is really inspiring. I have been working towards loving myself, because I am a heavy woman. I have decided that if a person does not like me because of my weight, then would I really want that person in my life? You rock.

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Rebelflowers [2011-07-17 19:54:07 +0000 UTC]

I am absolutely stunned speechless, by such a wonderfully courageous person. This is self-art.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Rebelflowers [2011-07-17 20:25:40 +0000 UTC]

thank you

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SchwarzEngelblut [2011-05-12 00:40:29 +0000 UTC]

You are absolutley beautiful.... a true inspiration :')

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Frosty7627 [2011-04-18 16:57:35 +0000 UTC]

No, indeed you are fat. You are not chubby. You are told it's not your fault, and loads of other bullshit, but in fact, you are a fat it is most definitely your own damn fault. You wanna bitch and moan about such a hard life and you were born into this, and waa waa waa. STFU. You weren't born this much overweight, your life is a dream compared to the rest of the world, and you have the luxury of being able to do something about it, and CHOOSING not to. You fat sack of crap. You are a waste of space. Look up a little town called Mogadishu, fatty. There is nothing more selfish than choosing to be this fucking fat, while kids are dying each day because they cannot find food.


127 fat people got mad at this post, yelled, then went home and ate more than they should've.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Frosty7627 [2011-04-20 07:34:18 +0000 UTC]

hahahaha, of COURSE its my fault, i eat too much! nice try, troll

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kimathy24 In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-06-01 00:45:03 +0000 UTC]

From your desccription you seem to be ok with you weight, I love the picture. May Trolls always be Trolls, and may we always laugh at them. :}

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ro-Bart In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-04-21 07:22:29 +0000 UTC]

Yay "This person has been banned from deviantART permanently."

I love this image for many reasons!

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moon-sorceress In reply to ro-Bart [2011-08-11 16:07:40 +0000 UTC]

So glad he was banned, I have never heard such discrimination in my life. As a heavy woman, this really hit a sore spot. I felt such violence.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to ro-Bart [2011-04-21 15:04:54 +0000 UTC]

thank you trolls dont bother me none, and its a bit stupid to troll a GM

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moon-sorceress In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-08-11 16:09:36 +0000 UTC]

What a d-bag.

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Abanna [2011-04-15 14:32:22 +0000 UTC]

This is really a very powerful image. And I really admire you for having courage to put it in Internet! People usually like to judge other people only by their looks, so I do admire you.
I don't think you are ugly. We are all beautiful, don't you think? (:
I often get comments on my photos that I am too skinny, or even questions do I have an eating disorder, and some of those comments can be really offensive. But, I don't have a eating disorder, I have always been skinny. I have read your comment about bulimia. I just can imagine how terrible it must be. I am really glad that you are over with it. (:
I think we all should be happy with our body and never try to harm our self in any way. Well, it is easy to say. But it's not that easy to live with yourself if you're not satisfied.
(Sorry, my English is not really good )

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TomberFleurs [2011-04-10 03:41:06 +0000 UTC]

I know that I'm extremely late with commenting, but...

You're absolutely beautiful. Perhaps you're not a stick-figure, or a toothpick, but that doesn't mean you don't look gorgeous. Each line, dip, and fabulous curve of your body represents a girl who has been through enough to be classified a true woman. You're strong and amazing, and I hope you realize that weight, eating disorders, children, or anything else should never lower your spirits. Because there are people in the world (people like be) who think there's nothing more amazing than a woman who is proud and high-headed. Keep your chin high and your mood even higher, honey. You're fucking perfect.

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WargusEstor [2011-03-08 17:43:30 +0000 UTC]

This provoked me to think of my own self-image and I just want to say thank you. This has given me some of the courage I need to face my own demons and try to conquer them. Again, thank you, for being inspiring Keep it up

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mowaie [2011-03-03 04:26:11 +0000 UTC]

As I told my man when he said he wanted to lose his beer belly:
"No! Skinny people are like pocketless jean, there's nowhere to put your hands with these!"
In the end, he kept the beer belly ! I saved a belly~

I sincerely think curves are beautiful.

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XxDenaexX [2011-03-03 03:01:39 +0000 UTC]

This is beautiful. So much meaning and thought put into this. You are a very brave woman for putting something up like this and I'm so grateful that you did. It gives me something to look up to.

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starrenite [2011-03-01 21:07:59 +0000 UTC]

You're beautiful. <3

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Unperfectly-Toxic In reply to ??? [2011-02-18 00:28:59 +0000 UTC]

this picture reminds me of Betty Ditto, a large but yet amazingly gorgeous woman, this picture emits the same kind of beauty as hers

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to Unperfectly-Toxic [2011-02-18 01:06:05 +0000 UTC]

you mean beth ditto? she kicks ass thank you so much!!

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Unperfectly-Toxic In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-02-18 02:24:45 +0000 UTC]

ltms, yes I meant her your welcome

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LucyKitsch [2011-01-29 07:17:34 +0000 UTC]

Wow.. this is so inspiring. This is very much similar to me, in many ways.
I've never been a skinny girl/woman, but after the cesarean with my son, I definitely am even bigger than before.
And I feel the same way. I hate my belly, but am so thankful that my body was able to bear my son.
Thank you for this. I know it was uncomfortable, but you have brought so much hope and like-ness to so many of us. <3

(My apologies if anything is spelled incorrectly, it's quite late and I'm very tired!)

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to LucyKitsch [2011-01-29 19:59:12 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much for your lovely comment, you proper put a lump in my throat

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MonaLovely [2011-01-28 03:43:55 +0000 UTC]

This is one of the most beautiful pictures - and one the most beautiful bodies - I have ever seen.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to MonaLovely [2011-01-29 19:57:36 +0000 UTC]

awwwwww thank you so much!

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chaoswolf1982 [2011-01-27 20:53:47 +0000 UTC]

Oddly, one thing that stood out to me was something you forgot to list in your symbolism... the tattoos.

While I'm sure you had different reasons than this for getting them, the two horned skulls have their own possible context when seen in the light of the other symbols. This is how I see them:

They symbolise the cruel words and harsh looks of others, looking critically over your shoulders, hiding close to the ear, just out of sight, not looking right at you. But at the same time, they're not really there - they are just images, scribbles of ink, and no truly harmful demons. Likewise, the bitter words of others are not sharp knives to wound you, despite how some might wish them to be, rather, they too aren't real, and nothing more than empty sounds.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to chaoswolf1982 [2011-01-27 21:01:45 +0000 UTC]

actually, they represent my children but i totally see where you're coming from

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chaoswolf1982 In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-01-27 22:40:36 +0000 UTC]

Demonic skulls representing your children? Oh my, now that's an explanation I simply must hear.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to chaoswolf1982 [2011-01-28 08:45:54 +0000 UTC]

i just like skulls hahaha! nothing particularly interesting, i actually have a full chest piece now too [link]

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OuijaBoardum [2011-01-16 18:32:05 +0000 UTC]

I've just noticed the similarity between this and the Venus of Willendorf! D:
The large breasts, and the non-descript face :3
You're so artistic~ ;D

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to OuijaBoardum [2011-01-16 18:38:51 +0000 UTC]

thats actually a strange kinda compliment, i love the venus of willendorf and i totally see it now lol

thank you sweetheart <3

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OuijaBoardum In reply to ClickClickBangUK [2011-01-16 18:43:51 +0000 UTC]

I'm glad! n.n
You are a symbol of fertility~ ;3

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to OuijaBoardum [2011-01-17 22:57:00 +0000 UTC]

huzzah!

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darkpoetsheart [2011-01-12 17:42:18 +0000 UTC]

I know you have heard it often but never think yourself ugly, I actually find this pic quite attractive and the symbology is amazing even if somewhat tragic.

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ClickClickBangUK In reply to darkpoetsheart [2011-01-12 18:09:47 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!

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gwenthefreaky [2011-01-09 15:33:02 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for posting this . . . there are a lot of people in my life that would be amazed and blessed to see this photo and your explanation of it. It's beautiful.

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