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Published: 2005-09-11 09:40:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 97; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 9
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Description
Tom panicked, his whole mind raced as he battled to stay in the house. His eyes flickered as his brain went slowly through the order of events. He ran out the room, drawing a baton from his belt as he moved. He knew there was something different about the smell, as he composed himself again. It wasn’t the normal cooked meat smell, there was a caramel twinge to it, and he had no doubt that this was another sickening act.
Carefully returning each door to the previous positioning, he checked each room, the sickeningly sweet smell making his stomach wrench. He reached the kitchen, and fell to his knees; he couldn’t get any closer to the body and struggled not to physically throw up. He called the murder in, and had the trial adjourned as more teams were sent to aid him.
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Comments: 9
nighthawkpm [2005-09-26 05:11:29 +0000 UTC]
to paragraphs are enough to torment us loyal readers -- teasing ok at least I am loyal at reading this story.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to nighthawkpm [2005-09-26 17:44:33 +0000 UTC]
Indeed Thank you
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rastill [2005-09-17 00:48:38 +0000 UTC]
excellent, I love the way you incorperated the senses into this, I can almost feel myself there.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to rastill [2005-09-17 10:53:03 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much
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IrishNinja [2005-09-11 19:01:16 +0000 UTC]
You know, if you could write more than two paragraphs of story, I might be able to comment more constructively.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
wheyz [2005-09-11 16:14:17 +0000 UTC]
I can feel his tension. You write such vivid imagery. It's excellent.
One little note... Is it possible to throw up mentally or spiritually? If I were writing this, I would leave out the 'physically'.
Again, great job.
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clinicallybeyondhelp In reply to wheyz [2005-09-11 19:40:08 +0000 UTC]
tee hee... thank you.
And just thank you
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