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ClockworkGoth — Lit Smoke
Published: 2008-01-30 09:38:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 368; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 5
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Description
Lit smoke hangs from my bottom lippockets full of promissory notes and a receipt from a late night hotel.
Memories of buses and trains,
I hide in the shadows of subway tunnels and corner booths
Always moving with the shifting light of a hanging lamp.
Wet streets move under my feet
moving me even as I stand still. Umbrellas beat the rain
and their constant fight keeps me in constant contemplation.
A life of bad eggs and refillable cups of coffee and a jacket that will never get washed,
except with the falling rain.
But now its last call and I leave the sound of eight ball
for another cheap motel.
I beat the streets with the sound of my feet
and the constant rain beats its way through my coat
like the steady drum of a beat poet.
Windows open to the sound of the street
to let the smoke that hangs on the ceiling of my room to move on.
I should move on.
But there's nowhere to go but a midnight diner or a two dollar peep show.
So I crawl into bed
and listen to the death of the falling rain.
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Comments: 4
i think you've picked your way through a "depraved" feeling night pretty well. I could see this being titled "empty" if that gives you an idea of the feeling i got from it...
read back over it, read outloud some. there is a bit of trimming i think would do the poem good (ie:Wet streets move under my feetmoving me even as I stand still. :: weigh the options, i don't think it is particularly detrimental or enlightening, that line struck through.).
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I loved this.
Such a dreary feeling and the repetition of the word 'rain' brings down the mood dramatically.
This could be related to in a number of ways and you've managed to catch my feelings and make me sad..Which is in fact, very good..in the sense of how powerful this poem is.
Great concept and rhythm..+fav
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I was listening to Tom Waits at the time so that might have had a little effect on it. But I'm glad you like it. It turned out to be one of my favorites. I just had the image of a guy down on his luck with nowhere to go trapped in constant rain.
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