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Description
I think this photo could probably fit into a thousand categories here.
It is different than the normal business I post. While I am slightly worried about scrutiny and imperfection comments, I think I have more to gain than I do to lose. I know I do not have super ripped abs, I know I probably should have not attempted such a photo. I also know that I am real. It is time I start to feel as real on the outside as I do on the inside. Normally, I would have seen such a shirt, and turned my back on it. Learning to reveal myself confidently is always a struggle with me. I feel this way in class with my hidden opinions, in relationships where I try to give far too much, with my lack of comfortability with my sexuality.
Everything has a different meaning somewhere. As long as there is meaning, things matter. The problem is, meaning is everywhere for me.

What is the meaning of this revealing image you ask?

This photo reminds me of a client from long ago. I did respite care of a little boy for several years who had severe medical issues, and among them he had a permanent G-tube, as he could not always keep down medicine. We played video games, ran around the yard, played music, colored...etc. I remember my 16 year old self being so aware of the self consciousness of this boy young because of his illness. He had a BUTTON (g-tube) but no one else in his small little world had one! (sometimes it feels as though I put myself in small little worlds where I am the only one who has something too) My how he was alienated. Until one day...he asked to see my button. Oh god! going into a conservative household, and revealing a belly piercing nearly 10 years ago was quite a step. So...I thought it was only fair...to show him my belly button. To his surprise... was not that far off from his adornment.
I became part of his world (and probably his first love) because he was not alone. He was so proud of this discovery...that he proceeded to share this comparison with his mom! ahah! He later had the g-tube removed, after we were no longer working together.
This one is for you G.
Because no one should be afraid to show their button
Children can teach you the best lessons.

Life is such a beautiful discovery. It is amazing when you can pause long enough to find that you are not unlike those around you.

(for example)
This modeling world I have found myself in feels so empty and plastic sometimes.
I am so overwhelmed by looking my best, making sure my roots are dyed, finding the right outfit...etc. It is nice to find a friend to just be 'real' with. I really have not been able to do this in a way that has restored my faith in the system. Back home I have my lovely friends =JackSilver and `khavi . Both of whom I adore playing photos with. I can just bring a pile of clothes do `khavi and she makes some sort of colorful madness or optical illusion with a matching backdrop. I can just sit around in my pjs with =JackSilver and make my most ed image to date.
I miss that more than anything.

But that part of my life is gone. I have been going through a slight identity crisis in my new location adaptation. I think *rjcarroll saved me the other weekend, when he came out just to create and play. It was nice having the opportunity again to just ...be real. A month without this chance makes me go craaaazy.
Anyway...I think that is what this image is. Real.
No prepping myself with diets or exercise as I have been consumed with school, no dying my roots, no plucking my eyebrows.
But this also goes to show...that spontaneity, realism, humanism, and perhaps a tiny bit of vanity
can
have
meaning.

sorry for the rant. I am tired, and my mind is busy.

photo thought provoking and momentary confidence provided and inspired by *rjcarroll
(I was super psyched when he told me my belly was not photoshoped)

Description
I think this photo could probably fit into a thousand categories here.
It is different than the normal business I post. While I am slightly worried about scrutiny and imperfection comments, I think I have more to gain than I do to lose. I know I do not have super ripped abs, I know I probably should have not attempted such a photo. I also know that I am real. It is time I start to feel as real on the outside as I do on the inside. Normally, I would have seen such a shirt, and turned my back on it. Learning to reveal myself confidently is always a struggle with me. I feel this way in class with my hidden opinions, in relationships where I try to give far too much, with my lack of comfortability with my sexuality.
Everything has a different meaning somewhere. As long as there is meaning, things matter. The problem is, meaning is everywhere for me.

What is the meaning of this revealing image you ask?

This photo reminds me of a client from long ago. I did respite care of a little boy for several years who had severe medical issues, and among them he had a permanent G-tube, as he could not always keep down medicine. We played video games, ran around the yard, played music, colored...etc. I remember my 16 year old self being so aware of the self consciousness of this boy young because of his illness. He had a BUTTON (g-tube) but no one else in his small little world had one! (sometimes it feels as though I put myself in small little worlds where I am the only one who has something too) My how he was alienated. Until one day...he asked to see my button. Oh god! going into a conservative household, and revealing a belly piercing nearly 10 years ago was quite a step. So...I thought it was only fair...to show him my belly button. To his surprise... was not that far off from his adornment.
I became part of his world (and probably his first love) because he was not alone. He was so proud of this discovery...that he proceeded to share this comparison with his mom! ahah! He later had the g-tube removed, after we were no longer working together.
This one is for you G.
Because no one should be afraid to show their button
Children can teach you the best lessons.

Life is such a beautiful discovery. It is amazing when you can pause long enough to find that you are not unlike those around you.

(for example)
This modeling world I have found myself in feels so empty and plastic sometimes.
I am so overwhelmed by looking my best, making sure my roots are dyed, finding the right outfit...etc. It is nice to find a friend to just be 'real' with. I really have not been able to do this in a way that has restored my faith in the system. Back home I have my lovely friends =JackSilver and `khavi . Both of whom I adore playing photos with. I can just bring a pile of clothes do `khavi and she makes some sort of colorful madness or optical illusion with a matching backdrop. I can just sit around in my pjs with =JackSilver and make my most ed image to date.
I miss that more than anything.

But that part of my life is gone. I have been going through a slight identity crisis in my new location adaptation. I think *rjcarroll saved me the other weekend, when he came out just to create and play. It was nice having the opportunity again to just ...be real. A month without this chance makes me go craaaazy.
Anyway...I think that is what this image is. Real.
No prepping myself with diets or exercise as I have been consumed with school, no dying my roots, no plucking my eyebrows.
But this also goes to show...that spontaneity, realism, humanism, and perhaps a tiny bit of vanity
can
have
meaning.

sorry for the rant. I am tired, and my mind is busy.

photo thought provoking and momentary confidence provided and inspired by *rjcarroll
(I was super psyched when he told me my belly was not photoshoped)