HOME | DD
colourcoded ā Untouchable
Published: 2004-06-28 15:01:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 65; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 13
Redirect to original
Description
UntouchableHe sits alone with nothing but his thoughts
Foot tapping to the music only he can hear
Does he know when Iām watching him?
Does he know that Iām wanting him?
I've waited so long just to touch him
Just to call him mine
But it seems I've declined too many times
And he wont ever be mine
If he would just look at me again
The way he used to
I just need him here again
Just to sing to me one more time
Just to see me one more time
Related content
Comments: 7
Now this I can touch down on...
Free-verse aws a good choice of style for this poem, besides the fact that I dislike the average rhyme scheme, it helps to put a more free-flowing feel to the poem, but with the seperated lines and stanzas to even syllables and line numbers gives it enough organization to balance it out. The repetition was interesting at the end of the first stanza... though I prefer it to be at the end of the poem to wrap it up, it was used effectively there. The idea is unique, it gives the reader the feel that something truely frank is being expressed, like you're in the person's head... not every thought is artisticly laid out. The second line in the third stanza leads to thought "The way he used to"
Past relationship? Or once good friends? Who knows, that's what free thought's for. This is a nice piece, my only complaint is the ending is somewhat awkward... but that's a personal call, others might love it
Nicely done
š: 0 ā©: 1
hey your cool, lol. actually, when i write poetry and stuff, i barely ever use techniques, or really think about syllobols, etc etc. i write what i feel and what comes. so i never really care about how it sounds when your reading it as long as it hits a nerve or gets my thought across. but keep commenting, its cool to here from you....i havent gotten comments since like the summer....i just got my computer back now and i just got a digital camera. lol
cc
š: 0 ā©: 1
Awesome 
š: 0 ā©: 0
and to think the girls i wrote this kind of thing about might have been doing the same... doh!
š: 0 ā©: 0
