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Lovable Bundle of Neuroses

Sleep is an escape
it is where i can live my dreams
or face my worst nightmares
where i know for a fact
you still love me.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

uncertainty lingers in my conscious,
i bow to my subconscious for wisdom,
as if it can be found anywhere within me.
dreams are the only place i don't hate myself.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

a little haiku for the curious:
hide in the jungles
away from my hurting self
hide from everyone

lovable bundle of neuroses.

i've made mistakes,
quite a few,
but the two things i fear are:
losing myself and losing you

lovable bundle of neuroses.

i fear a relapse,
this isn't worth it,
but the edge is drawing near--
how should i save myself?
why does this happen everytime i love?

lovable bundle of neuroses.

how can i tell you everything
when i don't know it myself?
i try to be logical and rational,
it's the one thing i understand,
and when i'm not, i break down.
this is tearing me apart.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

this is tearing us apart
i can feel it imploding
must it always be this way?
what happened to love?
what is love?
is this love?

lovable bundle of neuroses.

i cry,
i bleed,
i die,
and still the torture continues.
it's bad enough i can't live with it,
and neither can you.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

cut myself open,
pour my heart out,
so maybe i won't feel anymore.
but i doubt it.
the thick skin is gone,
leaving scar tissue and open sores.
i feel *everything*.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

i don't regret telling you
i regret not telling you sooner
i do regret doing what i did
i do regret living with what i've done.
why can't i ever do something right?
everytime i get something good,
i destroy it.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

like an ouroborus with my tail in my mouth,
it's all my responsibility.
everything depends on me.
i won't let you down again.

lovable bundle of neuroses.

i apologize,
but the words ring hollow in my ears.
it's not enough.
my hands won't come clean.
my soul won't come clean.
no matter how i scratch,
the stains remain,
although the skin is gone.

lovable bundle of neuroses.