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complex — Crowns for Helmets
Published: 2003-01-12 02:43:25 +0000 UTC; Views: 394; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 14
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Description
Lurid petals blast through tattered, blackened soil.Beaten by blasts not forgotten, recorded and regretted,
Repressed to the expulsion of ammunition that expels a
terrifying tale of soulful expedience - and reddened royals.
They're all royals.
Crowning an infested trench of infant courage - those
who chose to chance fate, brimstone and fire.
For their master of courage and bravery,
Who battles beside them. - From his white mansion.
He who walks on woven, red stained stairs.
The tapestry of mankind confuted and unrested,
Faded and foregoing.
Ending at the steel viet fate, regretting.
And starting at the winged dusk, presenting.
The last post sullenly plays over tears,
To the cradled, sunken child, who chokes;
Mummy, daddy loved his country, I know.
So why did they choose to ignore...
That his princess, his one baby,
That I, I needed him more.
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Comments: 16
very nice and complex. many big words... yeah but very good and i love title and screenshot!
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Pretty damned good poem I think. I didn't expect much after I read your journal... figured it would be fair-to-middling, at best, but I'm gonna call my own bet and raise. Good piece of work. Thanks for sharing it.
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Even the words in the description of the poem strike me. It doesn't matter which side. Sometimes, they're both right.
I have some powerful feelings about war, and your poem seemed to reflect some aspect of all of them. My insides resonate with this poem in many ways.
Favorite lines:
Crowning an infested trench of infant courage...
...Who battles beside them. - From his white mansion.
The last post sullenly plays over tears,
This last one I list because my immediate thoughts when I read it were "the last post" as in, the last letter posted somewhere, msg board, livejournal, blog etc... (my geek brain wanted to help). But it caused me to have this unexpected emotional reaction... because to me, a letter left unread is more devastating than the last military post...
Anyway... awesome poem.
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Most poems with brimstone and fire in it get to me. It must be because of a lullaby sorta song from my homeland (Faya siton no bron' me so - Firestone (bullet) don't burn me).
Apart from that this is a well orchestrated piece. You are quite a "general", "poet".
In contradiction to *ignite I particularly liked the last stanza where all came to one, where all was explained, leveled with, reasoned to a deep emotional level. Great poem.
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I honestly loved this. I'm running on a lack of words.
But know I love this.
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i like in the last stanza, how you made it rhyming, as a child would say it...b/c a child is saying it, right? eh, that's what i got out of the rhyme scheme, tell me if i'm wrong.
"Repressed to the expulsion of ammunition that expels a
terrifying tale of soulful expedience"
say that ten times fast..hehe. i love the use of the prefix ex-. the placement within those lines is perfection.
the only thing that bothers me is "- From his white mansion." it's just kinda...there. i think i understand the purpose that it is serving; however, it somewhat interrupts the flow of that stanza into the next.
once again...wow. it's worth the wait with your poetry. your words never cease to amaze me. the imagery, the style, everything is...mind-blowing. the entire flow...darn you and your talent! ::seethes with jealousy:: ::breathes:: ok. yes, you did an excellent job on this. your use of words is so beautiful and powerful...not to forget inspiring.
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i once asked the same question for different reasons.
this is a really great entry....and the timeline...i loved that too.
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This is complex... (heh heh, natch!) but it's kind of like trying to make sense of a battlefield. I like the way it comes down to the children in the end. I'm not sure I understand the crowns and royalty metaphor, but that could be cos I'm still a bit woozy today.
Good luck with the contest...
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I wish they had a category for *loves deviation*.
It is truly marvelous and you have such a great gift for the printed word.
Your word picture is graphic in the extreme. You/we are there and sharing the pain, terror and deprivation of these men/boys.
Good luck with the contest!!
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I'm in awe of your talent, your wonderful word imagery that speaks volumes, one can cleary visualize what you write, this is a well written metaphor for loss, yes, no matter which side, the loss is still there, left living, physically, or departed.
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The pictures here, really dead, really living, really graphic
really perfect
-doomit
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"The tapestry of mankind confuted"
bam--this part is a blast in its own right.
This really blows (or will) my entry out of the water...can't say anything except that this is very mesmerizing. After reading it my eyes went straight back to the start w/o my leading them--that signals a well-scripted poem...when even my body reacts with my mind.
I do have a concern for you though--this is sort of vague as to what decade it is. I mean, I have it definitely down to one or two decades but I can't be certain through your words here--not sure if thats a problem for utro.
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if you changed 'darkened' to something more creative/metaphorical i think it would add to the beginning of the poem. nice alliteration in the second line. the last stanza seemed the weakest to me..possiby because of the rhyming, but i'm not sure.
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