nicetry-badluck [2005-08-08 02:08:58 +0000 UTC]

the mood and flow of this work suggest slow- peace.
i can feel the tranquility you felt during this write,
much enjoyed, most of what i read is not so serene-
good write.

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zshzn [2004-05-04 03:09:03 +0000 UTC]

Very smooth. I like how it is set up visually. Soothing.

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fallingsilver [2004-05-02 12:46:22 +0000 UTC]

I love the subtle feel and the blend of hues.
My weak suggestions is as follows: "upon" the skyline seems weird. I can't find a better word, but it caught my eye. Also the last line seemed awkward (maybe because "flight" is repeated or maybe the syllables...not sure.)

anyways, enjoyed the read very much

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-henrique- [2004-04-13 16:57:33 +0000 UTC]

I like it, but don't know where it's going. Sure, there can be a deeper meaning in that too, but I'm too lazy to look for it -- probably something about the freedom of flight and once having wings youve wished for so long you may not even know what to do except just fly back and forth.

words are nicely used though, vivid.

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rebelchic [2004-03-29 22:09:40 +0000 UTC]

Very soft tone.

I loved the first stanza the best. The imagery in this is like sugar, and made me smile. The last stanza, "clouded top skyskrapers/with a light song lulled gently", it sounds a bit awkward when read. I think it could be the lack of punctuation, but I am a punctuation whore.

Anyways, it was nice to read something of your again.

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