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complex — She Hits
Published: 2002-10-25 10:58:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 290; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 6
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Description
She hits mewhen I return home
Not in the emotional (fake) sense of
weaklings
She pounds me with beastly fists,
Like heavy flail ends battering my
broken skin,
I lay,
defenselessly
in love.
There was the time in Central,
We lay together on a crumb covered
quilt,
Smiling into my ear
I told her I,
*wished*,
she'd stop,
She didn't reply,
Until we returned,
I felt her flail ends once
again.
And at work,
the next day,
I lay,
half bent over a drenched desk
In my blurry eyes -
Red spots turn to hearts
I lay,
Helplessly
in love,
Whilst someone screams,
As the juice of love sprays,
From my ear,
Without fear,
Of my love,
And her fists,
Like flail ends.
complex (S. Cheeseman, London) [ samcheeseman@yahoo.com ]
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Comments: 13
Ouch. Good job on this. I like the second stanza, especially 'crumb coloured quilt'... wait, that's not what it says. Anyway, like the second stanza, also I like the semi-random spots where it rhymes. Are they unintentional? Like on 'day' and 'lay', 'ear' and 'fear', and almost 'ends' and 'again' but the line break is different. Oh yeah, the line breaks appear to be random, but when I hear them in my head they kind of emphasize the feeling of it. Brokenness, I guess. Great job.
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It's funny how after reading this a couple of times Freddy Mercury came to mind, singing: "The things we do for love"
This is strange and familiar all the same. This is a hell of a read ... great
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i agree with everyone its great but stop with the constant commas. we get it.
lalalaaalalala love.
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damnit.
my mind is so blank write now. i can't think of anything to say.
i enjoyed this.
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--what they said--
"I lay,
defenselessly
in love."
So damn true it hurts me like fists, "like flail ends." That repetitive image of the flail imposed upon my eyes while reading so much, that each time it repeated I came closer to feeling a little bit closer to the pain, the reality.
to quote some moron I don't know... that's *hella'good*
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I think I see this differently than everyone here, other than it being a subversion of 'abuse'. Sometimes you have no where else to go.
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Well the truth is that love will turn us to fools. There's nothing you can do to escape the chains of love that bind you with a look into their eyes.
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great imagery. i like this because it's from a different point of view than i normally read.
"red spots turn to hearts" well done, again, with the imagery.
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I like what *thisboy502 said. Disturbingly realistic. Exactly.
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This is terribly unique considering you're a man. You are a man, right? It is disturbingly realistic. Like a hyperventilating squirrel ran over by the garbage truck.
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Hey
This is sooo trueee.
The truth is that fear, subsides everything else.
Break free, break out, but make the decision. that is what this poems speaks to me.
-doomit
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I love the image of her fists "like flail ends". There's something quite disturbing and nightmarish about that image. This is quite aching and disconcerting. Great subversion of the popular perception of the woman as the abused.
Great write
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