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complex — Vivification
Published: 2002-11-08 19:41:32 +0000 UTC; Views: 614; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 106
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Description
Inclement weathering rips through the streetEach step is met with a sharp crack
As the ice snackles and snivels the silver scene,
Those old, tatty brown shoes.
Awash in a warmth of fur
That Caresses glittering cheeks
The sharp air vivifies frozen senses,
And so, the greyness of the street,
Will so be admired
For the colour of raw beauty,
Does so reflect from its icy frame.
The wisping wind whistles a tune,
Past appreciative ears,
Tinted with light frost,
Tainted by the scene.
The tempest bites sharply,
Unscathed as I am,
I realise that days like these,
Will always be...
The mortalization of man.
S. Cheeseman
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Comments: 19
scratch what I said before
creating new words is essential to the english language, its that very flexibility which makes it such a powerfully versatile language
I like how this piece lets the mind linger on it. Because I remember having gone on to read another piece from some other poet then I came back here because my mind was still on this though my eyes held the other's words.
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Wonderful flow, and the alliteration works beautifully. Couldn't help but think fo Frank Sinatra when I read the line "Those old tatty brown shoes" tee hee....I love the way you managed to use onomatapaeiaaiudidhiuwehfiuhwe (however you spell it) to such good effect.
Snackles...hmm, that shall be my word of the day!
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i like the onomatopoeic (sp?) phrases w/ all the alliteration, like "wisping wind whistles", and the way you link them up. i love the fact you used the word raw in a poem about cold weather that turns out to be about mortality and subjectivity. this is very very tasty.
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very cool, had to read it through a few times out loud, but that's how poetry is meant to be read.......out loud I mean, and reading it over, it's just really awesome. I sensed some rhythm in it, maybe that's just me wanted to read in rhythm with something....anywho, i like the bit about fur caressing cheeks, really gave an image, and the phrase "icy frame". Very wicked....
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Wow...I could actually feel this imagery--
got a jacket?
Anyway, this is a beautiful piece. I loved every second of reading it as I shivered through each word. Excellent work. Ube.
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Oh, I forgot.........Would you view some of my other work and comment? I really like your critiques!
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I like "vivicate". And "snackles"! What does it matter if the words do not exist.........They do now!!
I see what you mean by "using more descriptive words".
You rule in that department!!
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First off, I like it a lot.
But now the rough comments
"Each step is met with a sharp crack"
If this line were written without the "be" verb it would be a whole lot better:
"Each step meets a sharp crack" --also shortening the sentence to perhaps give room for an adjective without messing the flow
"The sharp air vivificates frozen senses,"
I'm 99% sure that vivificates is not a word. Vivifies is...perhaps you could replace it? (check first, not 100% sure--just sounds weird)
With that said, I really like the rest of the poem. If it weren't for those two points to slightly distract me, I'd say it's one hell of a poem.
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Cold weather inspires me sometimes. Good stuff though. And yes, you are special.....
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I can picture a day like this perfectly. You display weather and setting without getting in a tired trite place.
And the pic makes it perfect.
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I love how you use colours throughout, everchanging. Good use of words, poem feels cold to read.
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I love the way you've really used language to work to your advantage. "snackles" is the most perfect word for the feeling. Such great sensory imagery. Crikey, I'm shivering, and not just because it's bloody freezing today.
I wish more mornings were like this. Winter is great, when it's not raining!!
good write!
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i feel like i'm at an ice skating rink at midnight on christmas eve all alone.........i love his poem!
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I almost feel like I'm walking in those old tatty brown shoes.
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I love days like that, I can picture it perfectly.
This is your best one yet. ^_^
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ooo i love the sensory provided here.
"As the ice snackles and snivels the silver scene"
and
"The wisping wind whistles a tune"
great alliteration!
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