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Copywright — Divinity Soul-Chapter Four
Published: 2010-09-28 01:27:17 +0000 UTC; Views: 254; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description Divinity Soul

James "Copywright" Joseph


Chapter 4

The next morning, having been tired enough to sleep somewhat decently, Zach woke up with a content yawn and opened his eyes. As soon as Zach's eyes were open, they met the view of a priest looking down at him.
Shocked and horrified, Zach's defensive instinct kicked in immediately and he punched the priest in he jaw before landing a kick to his ribs as well. Once the priest lost some of his balance due to the kick, Zach took the opportunity to put him in a headlock while focusing on the unknown mystical powers he'd been granted just recently.
"Heh, nice moves kid, but guess what..." the priest growled, "I'm still way better!" With those last words, the priest reversed Zach's headlock and flung his leg against Zach's. The blow was strong enough to knock Zach's legs out from under him and the unstable surface of the bed caused him to fall clear off of it and onto the floor.
Once he was lying on his back on the floor, the priest pointed a bizarre crucifix at his head and laughed. "Game over," he said as he lowered the crucifix.
Zach stared in confusion at the priest's lowered cross, wondering if he was missing something because the priest hadn't killed him.
A female laugh rang through the room and the priest took off the mask he'd been wearing, to reveal no one other than Benji. Neariah, looking quite amused, got off Zach's desk and walked over to hang on Benji's arm.
"Hmm, your labyrhythm must be developing quickly, Zach. Not bad punk, not bad," Benji said, seeming to pay little attention to the woman hanging on his arm.
"Are you staying now, Zach?" Neariah asked while snuggling herself up against Benji's side.
Zach growled while wiping his face and tried hard not to barf or act rudely at his sister's flirting happening right in front of him. "Yes, I'm staying sister."
"Soon enough it seems that you'll be the one on the floor, baby," Neariah said while looking up at Benji and smiling sweetly at him.
Zach had a hard time not to pull a face as he surveyed the scene in front of him while wondering if he had missed something somewhere. He didn't know his sister had her eye on someone, least of all this guy. "Ugh, c'mon guys, can you please not do that in my room? Go flirt somewhere else, Neariah. And can one of you explain to me why YOU," Zach said, glaring at Benji before continuing, "Attacked me!?"
"Don't hate like that, playboy. The reason I attacked you was to see if you can defend yourself enough to survive in an unexpected situation, punk," Benji said in his southern accent, making Zach roll his eyes.
"Zach, Debby is waiting in the Intelligence Chamber for you. Use the elevator; Floor 3, second room on the right. Go to her at once," Neariah ordered without letting go of Benji.
"Fine, whatever, sis. Just get out of my room you two so I can get some fresh clothes on," Zach said.
"Um, little brother. You don't have any clothes here or anything, remember?"
Zach stared at his sister in horror, realizing that she was right. "Damn!"
"Hey, don't sweat it kid, literally please," Benji said while throwing a white shirt at Zach. "You can use one of mine for now. Your sister and I will go out to get you some clothes soon. You'll have to wear that with your old pants though, I'm sorry but mine wouldn't fit you."
"Err, thanks Benji," Zach said while turning to look at him.
"Hey punk, don't you look at me like that. Your sister forced me," Benji said with a growl before making his way out of the room. Neariah tagged right along with him, still not having released him from her grip, and closed the door behind her.
Zach sighed and gave a disgusted shudder before changing shirts and running a hand through his hair in an attempt to make it seem a little less like bed head.
Once he was done, he grabbed a mint out of the packet that was in his pants' pocket and headed for the door. 'Well, can't exactly go around with morning breath...' he thought as he placed the mint in his mouth.
Closing the door behind him again, Zach headed down the hall towards the elevator. As he passed Sarah's room, he stopped at the sound of soft sniffling noises.
Zach walked closer and peeked at a part of Sarah's room that was visible through the partly closed door. Sarah was hunched on her bed and quietly sobbing while clutching a silver locket in her hands. Though Zach was unable to see if there was a photo in the locket because of the distance, he assumed there must be one of someone who had meant a good deal to Sarah. His heart sank to see the young girl look so hurt and broken, but he knew it would be best to act as he knew nothing of this and head to his lesson with Debra.
As Zach got into the elevator and pushed the button for his destined floor, he tried his best to push the curiosity and worry from his mind. The elevator soon reached its destination and he got out and walked to the room Neariah told him about.
The door to the room was wide open and Zach walked inside to find Debra sitting behind a large desk.
"About time you got here, Zach. Did seeing Neariah and Benji in your room this morning scare you into the speed of an elderly person?" Debra said in a joking tone of voice.
Zach shuddered a little and grinned as a reply came to his mind. "Nah, it was seeing that Benji's face was even uglier than the mask he was wearing."
Debra gave a quick laugh at his words and smiled. "Eh, you're not bad at all, Zach. But we should really begin with teaching you the basics now," Debra said.
Zach took a seat on the chair in front of the desk as Debra turned around in her chair and turned on the large projector screen behind her.
"To be an Avenger isn't always easy and there are some things you will need to know," she said while turning her attention back to Zach.
"The so-called priest that you had seen yesterday was part of the Deceivers. The Deceivers are a secret organization that is in control of about everything you can think of. Educational facilities, the Media, Business organizations, you name it. But the strongest corruption lies in the Government where they have the firmest grip of all. We do not have much inside info on them, but we believe that they are in service to a strange entity. And whoever that entity is, he is no friend to you and me," Debra said while giving Zach a warning look.
Zach felt chills crawl slowly up his spine as Debra explained all this to him.
"We as the Avengers, guard the world against any threats. For the last thousand years, we have safeguarded the world from every single threat we could. We are the Soul Guardian Quadrant," Debra said proudly.
"Our technology is advanced much beyond our actual time and we have the most advanced and trained infantry in the world..." Debra trailed off while noticing Zach's attention seemed to be focused on her hand.
"Zach?" Debra asked.
"Oh, sorry, Debra. Yes, I heard everything you said. I was merely wondering about that strange symbol on your hand. Is it part of this?" Zach asked.
Debra turned her hand over and looked at the symbol. Smiling, she replied, "Yes. This is my Avenging Motive. It signified the reason and goal of why you are in the Avengers. Hmm, come to think of it... You should soon be able to analyze them and gather the information that each one holds."
Zach looked at his hands, turning each one over at a time and noticed a faint shimmer on one of them. "I think I have one coming too..."
"What!? Already?" Debra asked in an astounded voice. "It's only been a day. Hmm, you pick up quite fast, considering that you haven't even passed the entrance test yet. This should mean that your labyrhythm must also be progressing just as fast."
"My... Labyrhythm? Everyone's using that word... What does it mean?" Zach asked while completely confused over the matter.
"Well, each labyrhythm is different and comes with a special power. Mine for example, is Determined Intelligence, Benji's is Unfaltering Will, Sarah's is a Pure Soul and Neariah's is Telepathy, the ability to hear thoughts of the mind, desires of the heart and intentions of the brain," Debra explained.
Zach nodded in understanding and wondered what his would turn out to be but his thoughts were interrupted all of a sudden by Benji's voice sounding on the intercom.
"Yo, punk! Yes, I'm talking to you Zachie-boy. Get your butt down here, it's time for you to get started on Physical Training! NOW!"
As soon as the intercom beeped off, Zach sighed and got up from his chair. "He can be such a jerk," he said with a soft growl.
Debra smiled at Zach's reaction and got up to give him a hug. "Oh, don't worry about that Zach. That's just how he is. Just keep strong and you'll be fine. I'll see you later then, do kick Benji's butt for me though."
Smiling at her comment, Zach went off to find the Physical Training rooms and begin on a new chapter of his new life.
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Comments: 3

Darkehtehepic [2010-09-28 22:03:02 +0000 UTC]

This is a great story but there are a few things that I would like to point out that I personally noticed. I would have critiqued, but sadly cannot do that. And I hope that you do not take this as a flame, as I do not enjoy making people feel bad about there artwork but there's just a few tips.

I would like to point something out that I felt about the point of view. It feels as if the story should be in first person instead of third person due to the fact it's mainly about Zach and the readers are not feeling what the other characters are feeling. It might be a good idea to change through character's point of views every other chapter or so.

Also about the character Zach; he feels like an overly powerful character to me, or as most writers put them as 'Mary-sue' or 'Gary-stu' ( [link] scroll down to Mary-sue section) I'm not flaming the actual character if that's what you're thinking but you may want to think about adding some flaws to him. Why I say this is that many people search for characters that are overly powerful and 'Mary-sue' characters than flame the writer due to that reason.

I hope that you don't take this a flame, as I do not enjoy making other writers feel bad. And you might be asking yourself (if you have read my profile) why you should take advice from a twelve year old girl than please consider this, I have been writing for at least five to six years now and have come across this problem millions of times. I would also consider taking into thought about adding some twists to the plot. Happy writing!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Copywright In reply to Darkehtehepic [2010-09-28 22:13:49 +0000 UTC]

I hear what your saying, but you have to consider that it is still just getting off the ground. Trust me there are lots of twists and such to come, and other point of views. Zach isn't exactly over-powerful, and trust me, he's quite a weakling. It's the beginning, so I'd rather not just go crazy with twists and such as of yet. Also, I don't mind about your age. I'm 14, not too much older, also I wish I'd started at 12. You've got quite the vocab for a twelve year old, I'm impressed. Thanks for the comment, I appreciate it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Darkehtehepic In reply to Copywright [2010-09-28 22:33:27 +0000 UTC]

No problem, and I have thought about it getting off the ground but I thought I should point some things out that most flamers look for.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0