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The news about the future turtles' upcoming arrival may have helped lessen Leo's and Donnie's sentence. Sensei seemed more interested in hearing the details—almost excited, in his own reserved, lofty way—and only briefly lectured Leo and Donnie on honor, responsibility, and consequence. But even that lacked the heat that Leo had expected. In fact, he could swear Splinter seemed… happy the Lotus was leaving.
When it came to the narration of the night's events, obviously they left out the part about Tang Shen being the evil ghost who had attacked Donnie. To think, even in this very moment, she remained trapped inside Hachisu's pendant, just outside the dojo...
No… Splinter didn't need to know that just yet.
Of course, despite Splinter being in a relatively good mood, and even though the ghost attack hadn't been all their fault, they had dishonored their guest and taken possessions without consent. So it was almost dawn before either he or Donnie had finished their exercises and katas. By then, the Lotus were done packing and ready to leave.
Had the relationship between the clans ended on a happier note, Leo's entire family would have been there, bidding them farewell and good luck. As it was, only Leo and Splinter went to see the Lotus off at the turnstiles.
"I do not suppose there is a chance you might reconsider your mission," Splinter told Hachisu-no-Hana in a hush, sober voice—one last attempt at saving this clan from certain extinction.
"No," Hachisu replied flatly, and Leo couldn't help notice the spiritless look on some of the Lotuses' eyes, knowing what awaited them. It made Leo think their resolution wasn't as firm as their kashira's. And yet he never saw the smallest gesture of rebellion or hesitation. They were so different from the Hamatos. Leo couldn't remember all the times he had complained that his brothers didn't always follow orders like he wished, that they weren't a little bit more like the Lotus. Now he found himself wishing these soldiers would speak out. Then maybe the Lotus Clan would have a chance
Splinter nodded gravely. "So be it. Good luck."
The two clans aligned, ready to bow, but Hachisu stalled.
"Hamato-sensei, one thing I promise," she began with the faintest urgency. "I did not intend to put your family in danger."
Remembering what April had said about Hachisu speaking the truth, Leo could've believed that much, and be grateful for the apology. But he just didn't know if he trusted her at all anymore. He covertly searched Splinter, and after a couple of seconds, his father simply offered an unassuming nod.
Hachisu was the first to bow, followed by her clan, and Leo and Splinter. Just like that, they turned and passed through the turnstiles in somber silence.
Watching the Lotus clan disappear down the tunnel, Leo realized in a gut-wrenching bout of sadness that it might be the last time they saw any of them alive.
"Whoa…" Raph frowned as he stared down at his untouched bowl of cereal, hands flat on the table.
Leo nodded, still munching on the information himself. Last night had been wild even by their standards. With Karai still in her bedroom, and Splinter enjoying his bathroom hour, he and Donnie had a few minutes to catch Raph and Mikey up on the Tang Shen revelation, as well as the future turtles' arrival time. April had left for school just after the Lotus, looking sullen and sleepy, and hanging her head.
Across the table, Mikey was wide-eyed, stunned, though never speechless, and never too preoccupied to eat. "Holy chalupa, dudes. Tang Shen tried to kill us!" His words were muffled by the breakfast pizza in his cheeks. "And Splinter didn't recognize her?"
"Well, Hachisu keeps her inside the talisman." Donnie's voice was steady enough, but his eyes were hooded and blood-shot as he kept watch at the door, slurping down his third mug of coffee. At this point, Leo didn't bother asking how long since the last time his brother got a good night's rest, knowing the answer would just be a dismissive shrug.
"Not even April realized there was a ghost at first," Donnie continued. "Splinter could barely sense that there was something in there at all."
The weight of the new knowledge blanketted the breakfast table like a thick winter fog. Even Mikey was quiet, the vacant stare and jaws working on autopilot making him look like a pastured cow. With so much going on, it seemed impossible that the Lotus had only arrived in the lair not even two days ago.
Raph's bitter chuckle broke the silence. "Man, you can't expect to keep something like this from Splinter, let alone Karai."
Mikey snorted, though he seemed far from amused, even as he soaked the pizza in his milk. "Yeah, do you not know Karai?" he said, as he absently took another wolf bite.
Their words plucked at Leo's heart. Even with all the precautions, he knew his brothers were right: Karai and Splinter would have to find out eventually. He just doubted there would ever be a right time.
At least he had hope that today would be better. Karai had seemed in a better mood the previous evening, having fun at girls' night with April and Mikey. Although disgruntled with the way things turned out with Hachisu-no-Hana, he suddenly felt relief that the Lotus were gone. Ever since they arrived with talks of revenge, Karai had been more difficult than ever. He had to wonder if this was the same reason why Splinter wasn't angrier. Maybe now Karai would settle down and forget about suicide missions—at least until they came up with an actual plan. Wishful thinking?
"Just keep your mouths shut on the topic until the future turtles arrive. They have a plan," Leo said, managing to sound more confident than he felt and ignoring Raph's scoff. "You guys can manage one day without mentioning Shen, right?"
"You just mentioned her, Cap'n," Mikey retorted.
Leo glared. "Starting now."
"Hey, but what if Karai was supposed to leave, but because future us warned us, we can work it out so she doesn't?" his optimistic brother suggested, more pensive than Leo usually got to see him. "Maybe that's what it was? They were warning about Karai leaving because of her fight with Master Splinter? You guys think that's what happened in their universe?"
Leo shrugged wistfully. "Could be."
Another fear crept into the back of his mind. He snuck a glance at Donnie and Raph, and saw the same concern etched on their brows. What if Karai leaving wasn't the worst of it? He kicked the thought out, shut the mental door behind it, and restrained himself from saying it out loud.
"So what are we gonna do about this?" Raph asked. He still hadn't touched his cereal. "This pendant—are we gonna try to get it back or what?"
Leo shook his head at the floor. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"But it's Tang—" Raph closed his mouth at Leo's warning glare, and his next words were merely a whisper. "It's You-know-who!"
"I know," Leo said. He didn't like leaving Shen in the hands of a stranger clan either. "But it's too dangerous to have around for now. And we don't even know where the Lotus will be hiding. We'll see what the future turtles have to say on the matter."
Raph gave a dissatisfied grunt. "Man, these future guys better deliver. We're betting a lot on them."
"Yeah, all this not knowing is really getting on my nerves," Mikey confessed, picking up the leftover crumbs from the plate and table and licking them off his finger.
"I think it's getting on all our nerves," Leo agreed.
"At least we finally have a date of arrival," said Donnie, holding his mug under his chin, the wisps of steam licking his snout. "We're finally gonna find out what this whole thing is about." He chuckled, and Leo couldn't be sure if it was sarcastic. "This is gonna be a ride."
"Oh shit, I know right? The hype is real!" Mikey exclaimed. His ability to go from worry to excitement within a finger snap never ceased to amaze Leo. And even in the face of uncertainty, when Mikey said it like that—the radiant smile, that glimmer in his clear blue eyes as he served himself another plate—Leo was inclined to believe him. He allowed one corner of his mouth to curl upwards, warmed by the ember of hope inside him, rekindled by the fresh perspective.
"It kinda is, yeah," Donnie agreed, and a timid smile appeared on his face as well.
"It's tonight, dudes! I can't wait to see future me!"
"Well, I'm not so sure." Raph's grumble tore through the budding excitement like a lawn mower.
"It's them, Raph," Leo said. "We've established that much. And they're coming to help."
"Whatever. Even if that's true, you can't deny this is kind of messed up! I mean, isn't anyone worried about what this might do to our heads? What if they're not what we want to see? What if it sucks? Then we gotta live with the knowledge that that is our future."
"For example?" Mikey asked casually after washing down the ball of food with a large swig of his orange juice.
"Like, what if I'm missing an eye or something? Or you could be missing an arm."
The image Raph conjured sent a shiver up Leo's spine.
On the other hand, Mikey seemed completely unphased as he smeared scrambled eggs over a new pizza slice. "That's okay, I'll just ask Donnie to make me a cool bionic Swiss Army arm. Heh. Swiss arm-y." He toasted Donnie with his pizza, clearly waiting for laughter that never came. Meanwhile, Leo was trying to ignore the Mad-Max-ish picture plaguing his mind.
Donnie only gave the comments a patronizing smile, then retorted a little impatiently, his voice thick and tired, "Guys, I keep telling you. That's not how this works. Even if Raph's picture turned out to be true, our timelines are not the same: their timeline is totally independent from us, and ours from theirs. That means our future is very unlikely to be anything like their future. They are not us."
Raph rolled his eyes, stubborn as ever. "Then why are they coming here? What's the point, if our lives are so different as you say, if nothing they do here affects them?"
"Well, those are points two and three respectively in my list of questions." Donnie shrugged, and took another gulp.
"Hey, I didn't know we could make a list!" Mikey chimed in, then quickly kicked his stool back and ran to grab the first paper he could find on the counter. "I have so much to ask them!"
Leo clicked his tongue, unable to contain himself even in a time like this. "I told you a hundred times not to doodle on the shopping list!"
"And why are you so cheerful?" Raph demanded irritably, watching Mikey scribble, Leo's words once again unheeded.
Mikey paused to ponder for a moment, like that was actually a pretty good question. "I dunno, I guess I like these future dudes." He smiled, and proceeded to stuff his mouth once more as if he didn't expect to have to speak again, before continuing to write.
"You haven't even met them yet—!"
"Hey-y-y, morning, sleepy head!" Donnie announced with an overstated cheerfulness over Raph's impatient screeches, which signalled the end of the conversation.
Leo put a finger to his lips, Raph jabbed a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, and Mikey stuffed his list in his shell under his armpit. A few seconds later, Karai walked in.
"Looks like someone slept…" Leo was going to say 'well', until he caught sight of her. His hopes that today would be a better day than yesterday banished in a puff of smoke.
Karai looked ill. Her face was pasty and gaunt as she passed by Donnie, who shared an uncertain look with Leo, and went straight for the fridge with a dull "Hey."
Concerned, Leo slowly stood up. "Karai? Are you feeling okay? You don't look so good."
To his surprise, Karai straightened and scowled at him, her lip curled in disbelief. Then she quickly turned away, grabbing a can of soda and slamming the fridge door shut. Leo could only stare, confused, as Karai started chugging down the soda with her back to him. He had no idea what he'd said to offend her. He was just worried about her.
Until half an instant later, when it dawned on him.
"She's just not wearing her makeup," Raph stated casually before getting back to his cereal, and Leo repressed a facepalm, trying to ignore Mikey's 'ooooo' face.
Karai's make-up was just as much a part of her face as that little beauty mark under her tear duct. But today, for some reason, she hadn't put it on, and the lack of sleep was obvious in the dark shadows around her eyes.
Before he could contain himself, he blurted out, "Is this because of what I said about Hachisu?"
It had occurred to him for a second that Karai was simply jealous. She'd heard him praise the way Hachisu pulled off the modest, no makeup look, and probably thought he would like to see it on her as well.
But as soon as Karai turned around, stabbing him with her death glare, he knew for sure he'd screwed up big time.
"I just didn't feel like it today, alright?" she snapped, and Leo ducked, because for a moment he thought she would fling the empty can at him. But it only hit the bin with a loud bang, and she headed out. "So dojo, or what?"
Leo's brothers all turned to him with undisguised looks of 'yikes'. He sighed and ordered a move-on.
So now she was angry at him again, and all because he worried about her and wanted to be nice.
Served him right, Leo thought as he followed the others to the dojo.
Leo had only just gotten out of the dojo, and there they went again. Out and in, barely any time to rest. The carpets were still pungent from their previous workout.
Karai was already kneeling in position when Leo walked in, and completely ignored him as he went to sit in line next to her as usual.
He decided to get right down to business for now, hoping she'd play along. Maybe he should bring back 'fire with fire'. It worked last time...
"Alright," he announced once everybody was sitting. "While we wait for sensei, we can discuss our next plan of action. This future thing has been occupying most of our attention lately, and we're still gonna wait for them in case they know something, but we can't forget about that missing mutagen. We need a contingency plan. Oh, uh..." He addressed Karai, realizing she hadn't heard this. "We have a time of arrival for the future turtles. They're coming tonight at 4 am."
He waited for Karai to act offended because they didn't wait for her to give the news, but Karai only glanced briefly at him, then nodded.
"So yeah," he continued in an irked monotone, not even bothering with the details seeing as she didn't care. "We still have a ton of mutagen to track down."
"But where else can we look?" Donnie said with a yawn.
"What about the Lotus?" Raph said on Leo's other side. "Did they give some kind of intel?"
"Well, if they had any, we're not getting it. Not anymore," Leo said, not even trying to downplay his discontent. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Donnie lowering his gaze to the floor. "So we'll try hacking into their databases, see if they got something." And this time, Donnie didn't object.
Then there was a loud groan, and everyone turned to Karai. She had her eyes closed, slowly shaking her head.
Already in a bad enough mood, Leo cleared his throat. "Anything you want to contribute?"
"Going after the Purple Dragons is like cutting the leaves on a weed," Karai said immediately, not with the slightest hint of cynicism or mockery, but with a long-suffering expression, like this was the thousandth time she'd had to explain it. "Shredder is the root of everything. It's him we should be fighting, and you know it."
Leo looked around at his brothers, seeking help. Donnie and Mikey seemed pretty determined to stay out of it for the time being. Raph, however…
"Actually, I have to agree with her on this one," he said squarely.
Now it was Leo's turn to give a tired sigh. "Seriously, Raph? You're doing this now? You never agree with her!"
"Well, she has a point now." Raph shrugged. "The Purple Dragons are most likely just gathering all that mutagen for Shredder. Why don't we just make peace with the Lotus, go to his lair and knock down some walls?"
Leo pinched between his eyes, summoning all his remaining patience. "First, we don't know that it's the Foot. Shredder's more powerful now than he's ever been—"
"And he'll keep getting stronger unless we do something soon!" Karai said on his other flank, cutting Raph's incoming reprisal short, and almost giving Leo whiplash. He noticed Donnie leaning slightly forward as if he'd been about to speak as well. But now Leo's brothers only looked hesitantly at Karai and him.
"My point remains," Leo said firmly. "Everytime we try to sneak up on Shredder, something goes horribly wrong."
Karai's temper was fragile as thin ice, and he was currently walking all over it, slowly, avoiding sudden moves in order to get to the other shore alive. He swallowed a ball of frustration down, where it already felt pretty packed, and lowered his voice to a gentler tone.
"Have you forgotten what happened last time?"
He didn't have to specify. She—they were all dealing with the consequences of her falling in that pool of mutagen for months. Actually, they still were. Leo was slightly surprised to see Karai look down in clear shame.
"Last time it was me alone. I know that was stupid," she admitted. "But together with the Lotus Clan we can take down Shredder, Leo. This is our chance to join forces! Why don't you see it?" Her body was fully turned towards him, almost pleading.
It hurt him to have to stand by his words.
"We can't just wing something like this, Karai. We need to be prepared, and even then we might not succeed. Even if we had the Lotus on our side, they would outnumber us, probably twenty to one. Striking the Foot at their own fortress is suicide. A frontal assault is not an option, and we don't have the necessary intel for a stealth operation. They most likely changed things a lot since you left."
"We should've attacked then."
Leo sighed. "We've been through this. You weren't well, it wasn't the right time."
Karai closed her eyes, and Leo hoped that was it. He should've learned by now it was never that easy with Karai
"One day Shredder will come up with something we won't be able to fight. While you're trying to 'know more', Shredder may already be at our door."
"The lair's the safest place in New York," Donnie chimed in merrily. "I just upgraded the grid. State of the art."
Finally some help, Leo thought, and added, "Yeah, and it doesn't mean we're forgetting about Shredder. That is why we patrol. But I trust sensei. If he chooses to wait, then we wait."
"Oh, please. Will you get down from father's lap? Splinter's not as all-knowing as you make him out to be." There it was, the point where Karai realized she was getting nowhere with measured words. Leo braced himself: now, she went for the jugular.
On the other side of Karai, Mikey looked so disheartened Leo doubted he'd be able to pick a side when it came down to it. His normally cheerful brother was a great reference to know how serious a situation was. If he wasn't laughing or cracking jokes, then you knew it was serious. And Leo had rarely seen Mikey so quiet.
Donnie didn't seem to know what to say either, and even Raph had stopped talking. Why would he, when Karai was already doing all the work?
Leo steeled himself, since apparently he would have to fight this fight alone. "There's no argument, Karai. We wait." And in the spirit of 'fire with fire', he threw in a smug, "Suck it up."
Karai's jaw muscles twitched, her eyes blazing. Leo had expected something like that. But what she said next, her voice like acid, he never saw coming.
"Why are you leader?"
He reeled. "Excuse me?"
"Why are you leader?" Karai repeated, a challenge in her forward posture, her eyes dead set on him, unyielding. "Is it because of how well you suck up to Splinter? After all, I'm the oldest, I'm more qualified. What's more, I'm Splinter's real daughter!"
Leo's breath was knocked right out. He could see his brothers' eyes on them, wide and unblinking.
He had never felt more betrayed. How long had this been on her mind?
"Are you serious with this, Karai?" Raph growled suddenly, making to get up, but Leo stopped him.
Leave it to me, he told him silently with his gaze, and Raph took a reluctant step back.
Leo turned to Karai, and gave her a disbelieving look. "I carry the Hamato name just like all of us. We are Splinter's legitimate sons, as you are his daughter. I can't believe you would say something like that. You're Japanese, you know how it works—"
She took her eyes away, and blew an irritated huff at the carpet. "You weeabo, what would you know about our culture? What do you know about family traditions, or anything?"
Something inside Leo gave way, and all his pent-up frustration came up like vomit. A sarcastic chuckle hit the back of his throat.
"I'm surprised you have the courage to say you know more about family than we do, being Shredder's daughter."
He should've seen it coming. Karai threw herself at him. All of a sudden, Leo was on his shell, Karai's blade at his throat. Instincts taking over, he rolled on the spot, managing an armlock. He twisted Karai's wrist, disarming her, and the blade fell with a soft clang on the carpets.
She came back, snarling, with a knee kick to his chin, and he fell on his side. Next thing he knew, he was pinned on his plastron, immobilized by Karai's legs, his neck in a tight chokehold.
"Take it back!" she growled in his ear.
"Karai!" he heard the others yell. "Let go!"
Karai shook him once. "Take it back!"
Leo would've taken it back, if his windpipe hadn't been compressed like that—not a killing move, by far: it was about dominance.
About to make his move, he felt a struggle above. Suddenly the pressure on his throat receded, and Karai's weight lifted from him. The others must have yanked her off him. He rolled over to see Karai stomping towards the exit.
"Always a pleasure speaking with you, Karai," he called defiantly over his shoulder as he pushed himself back to his knees.
"Leo, come on." Mikey's voice and expression said please don't make it worse.
"Oh, what? Now I'm the bad guy?" Leo groaned, rubbing his throat, stomach churning with a nauseating cocktail of anger and regret. "Thanks for backing me up, by the way."
"Don't pin this on us, dude. You didn't even want the help," Raph said with all the kindness of a collapsing building.
They all looked at Leo like a balloon that had been blown up too tight, and Leo bristled, Karai's words still resonating in his ears.
"She practically said we're not Splinter's sons!" Forget the chokehold: that had hurt the most.
"Leo, calm down," Donnie said, so carefully it felt like an insult.
"No," Leo snapped, determination welling inside him, born out of pure frustration. "I'm not calming down. Not this time."
As Leo stood, Donnie made to stop him. "I'm not sure that's-"
"I know, Donnie. I got this," he retorted, but collected himself to assuage his brother's worries before walking calmly past him with a nod.
"Tell Splinter I'll be right back."
Leo liked to think, in terms of serenity and self-control, he was a master among his brothers. He really didn't lose his patience often. But if they kept poking the sleeping mizuchi, it was bound to wake up eventually and take a chomp out of someone. And today the mizuchi had been poked, kicked and pulled on its tail. And it was now too riled up to go back to sleep.
He was tired of being careful, of treading on the fragile eggshells of Karai's temper with his metaphorical bunny slippers. So this time he wasn't going to wait for her to cool off, and then act like everything was okay. This time he would not shut up, he would get her to talk to him and figure out what was going through her head, even if he had to be choked again in the process.
As he climbed down the stairs, he heard Mikey moan. "These family fights bum me out so much, dude…"
"It'll be okay, Mikey. We have pork rinds in the kitchen," Donnie's voice offered tenderly.
"Pork rinds would be good."
Leo could almost hear the roll of Raph's eyes.
As Leo approached Karai's door he could hear sounds of clatter and shuffling at the other side, until he made it halfway down the hall, and they abruptly died. When he reached the door, it was so quiet anyone else would've thought it empty. Unlike the other bedrooms, this one didn't have an opaque window. But Leo knew: Karai was only listening.
He balled his hands into fists, furious, not just with Karai but with himself, and with how hard things were. He wasn't sure who to blame for things being this difficult. Remembering the future turtles' warning, if it could even be called that, he was suddenly terrified of having triggered whatever might happen to Karai, and his anger started to ebb away.
Who would've thought fighting fire with fire would make more fire? You idiot, Leo thought, wanting to slap himself.
After a few moments of wondering whether he should just turn around and walk away, he took a deep breath, and knocked softly.
No answer. Well, no surprise there.
"It's Leo," he said into the wood, obvious though it was.
"Tottoto dete ike, Baka ka!" came Karai's voice from inside. Insults. No surprise there either.
He heaved another deep breath. "I just want to talk."
There was a thumping coming closer, and the door opened to reveal Karai's seething face.
"What are you, deaf or just dumb? You want me to say it in your language? Go. The flying—"
"Karai."
"—fuck. Away!"
"Karai, please! This gets us nowhere," Leo insisted, gritting his teeth. He raised his hands, pleading for calm. "I think we can work this out like adults. What I said before, I take it back. There. Now can I come in? I'll let you choke me some more if that'll help."
She shot him a disbelieving glower. "You're an idiot."
"Yes! Yes, I am!" That seemed to have the desired effect as she gaped at him for about 0.7 seconds, enough to ask, "Can I come in?"
She swivelled around into her room, but left the door ajar—her way of inviting him in, he supposed. Karai wasn't one to easily apologize; Leo knew the fact that she had let him in could almost count as an apology in and of itself. A small victory.
When he pushed the door open and came in, she was already sitting on her bed, her back leaned against the wall. She had picked up a magazine, and was skimming through it like she hadn't noticed him.
Karai's room was dim and austere, already embedded with its inhabitant's touch—and her smell; it smelled different than when April was using it. More spicy, with shades of sandalwood. The walls were decorated with some rock band and J-punk posters and stickers, but there was no sight of all the CDs, comics and make-up sets that Leo knew she had somewhere.
That was the thing about Karai: she never gave away the whole story, only the bits and pieces that she considered pertinent, safe. That's why, instead of shelves and wardrobes, the room was equipped with multiple lockers and trunks they had recovered for her, and that later she had reinforced with big badass bolts. When they asked her about this, she simply replied, "Force of habit." To this day none of them knew exactly what she kept in those containers, and none were too tempted to peek in case they were booby-trapped. If Leo had to guess, a lot of it was her shōjo manga collection.
Normally Karai was relatively tidy, but today her bed was unmade, and some of her clothes scattered on the floor along with some of the usual ninja instruments. He noticed her new armor lying haphazardly at the opposite corner, as if she'd torn it off and flung it across the room.
An unexpected flash of color pulled his gaze towards her nightstand, and he couldn't help but grin at the little tsum-tsum turtle totem she'd put together. Four turtles, each with their own colored bandanas, on top of a bigger rat.
"What do you want?" Karai demanded, still not lifting her eyes from the pages. "I thought you'd said it all, oh Fearless Leader."
He'd heard that name countless times before, and it was amazing how much the meaning changed from time to time. They called him Fearless, when he was anything but. Especially in moment like this, when his heart pounded so fiercely.
He spent a few seconds just standing there, pondering on how to properly approach her, and immediately decided not mentioning Shredder was rule number one. Better shelve the game of thrones issue for later as well.
"You know? There's a saying," he began finally, injecting his voice with all the composure he could gather. "'Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive each other, begin again tomorrow'."
A slow blink, and Karai looked up, one side of her nose quirking in disgust. "Did you get that from a fortune cookie?"
"Actually, Master Splinter told me."
She let out a dry chuckle, and mumbled, "Splinter's always been like a walking fortune cookie." Then she went back to her magazine.
Unsure of whether that observation about Splinter had been unrespectful or not, Leo decided to go on as if he hadn't heard it. "The thing is, we both got a little fired up earlier…"
"Ugh, where are you going with this, Leo?" she interrupted him, but it was her voice that took him aback. She didn't sound angry anymore. Just tired.
"Hear me out, Karai. Please. I didn't mean what I said. I was trying... "
"Whatever you have to say, it makes no difference. It's clear what you think of me—what you all think of me."
Leo winced, never regretting saying something as much as he regretted reminding her of her link to Oroku Saki. Not that she would need reminding. But Leo'd never wanted her to think that it mattered, to any of them. And yet that was exactly what his words had told her.
"I promise, it's not like that. You have to understand—"
"No!" Karai flung her magazine aside, and got up to face Leo. "I've heard it all before! You're the one who doesn't understand! You don't know what this is like, wondering how much of what I do is really me or how much is… the Shredder." She grimaced in disgust, and started pacing in front of Leo. "He still has an influence on me, I can feel it. I hate it! I hate knowing that he'll always be a part of me. And you know the worst thing?"
Leo couldn't tell if she wanted him to answer her question or not, as she paused to stare at him, her expression practically supplicating.
"Sometimes I miss it—I miss being Foot," she said at length, taking her eyes away. "The Foot was my life. I had power, I knew my place. I knew who I was. Now I don't know anything." Her shoulders sagged. "I feel like I don't entirely fit in here. I can see it in the way father looks at me. Like I'm a stranger. It's just… It's something I can't live with anymore."
At her words, Leo's stomach clenched. From the moment they rescued her, took her in, a part of him always feared she'd one day come to the conclusion that she didn't belong here, and leave them again.
"I get it—" he started to say, unable to bare the pain in her eyes, but she interrupted him again with a groan.
"You don't get it, or you would support me on this."
"I do get it! But this isn't the way!" How could he make her understand? What else could he say?
She squinted at him, unbelieving, head tilted to one side. Then her expression hardened, and Leo faltered.
"I know about Tang Shen," she said, the name turning Leo's blood cold. "I heard you, and Donnie and April, talking in the lab. All of it. And I know you tried to keep it from me."
Oh, man… Leo thought with a hundred mental facepalms. He didn't bother trying to come up with an explanation. She had been right there. She knew.
"So don't try to tell me you get it," Karai finished, with a derisive toss of her head.
Nearly panicking, Leo racked his brains, urging his inner strategist to find a way to out of this mess. Everything was going so wrong.
Forget fire. Just tell the truth.
"I'm… I'm sorry we didn't tell you, it's just… We were worried you might do something..." don't say stupid "—hasty." Dammit, too slow, he groaned to himself, suppressing a cringe.
Karai shook her head with an impatient sigh.
He insisted, taking a step towards her. "Listen to me. Vengeance will not bring you peace."
She scoffed. "There you go again, quoting dad on everything like he's never wrong. Well, he's wrong about this."
"All Splinter wants—what we all want—is for you to be safe."
"And what are you gonna do? Keep me in a little padded room until I die of old age? It doesn't matter if I'm miserable, if I can't sleep at night, as long as I'm alive and living by your rules?"
"Of course not, but you don't have to go on a suicide mission to prove yourself!"
"You know I still have nightmares?" she blurted out, Leo's brain screeching to a halt at the way she was looking at him, as though this was also his fault. "I dream that I'm under Shredder's control, and I'm attacking you guys, seeing it all happen, but I can't stop myself. Other times I'm strapped to a lab table, and when I wake up, I still can't move. And I keep hearing your screams, and Shredder's voice ordering me to kill you. And it feels so real that for a few moments I believe it's all happening again."
Leo could only listen, horrified by the sheer desperation in her voice, the weight of her story pressing on his chest, and he felt the urge to embrace her. Just take her in his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to tell her how much he cared for her, to reassure her that this was her place now, and they would do anything for her.
He stopped himself with a jerk, afraid to mess things up even more, and she looked at him as if she could see right through. —
"I'm so sorry, Karai…" was the only thing he could think to say. She didn't reply, but let her gaze fall to the floor, arms crossed. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Karai's throat worked. "Because it shames me. I just…" She straightened up, and turned to Leo, imploring. "I have to face Shredder. I need to. It's the only way I can be free. Why can't any of you see that?"
Leo moved forward, grasping her arms. "Karai, you have a family now. We want you to be happy. We'll help you," he promised, even though he had no clue how they would do that just yet. But somehow they'd find a way. He remembered something. "The future turtles are arriving tonight. They're here to help, they'll have some answers," he offered in an attempt at being optimistic.
But Karai only looked blankly at him, unconvinced, and so thoroughly unimpressed, even at the prospect of their own future time-travelling selves. She just looked way beyond caring right now, which made him feel all the more useless.
He so desperately wanted to help her, but Karai had always kept just out of his reach. Now that Leo knew what set them apart, she seemed further than ever. Now he could only beg. "Just… let it settle, please. Don't rush into anything. Please, promise me."
He tightened his hold just slightly and she sighed, a tiny release of pressure from a monstrous geiser that was long overdue. Then, for the longest three seconds, she only looked at him.
Her voice was soft and oddly serene when she spoke again. "I'll think about it."

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The news about the future turtles' upcoming arrival may have helped lessen Leo's and Donnie's sentence. Sensei seemed more interested in hearing the details—almost excited, in his own reserved, lofty way—and only briefly lectured Leo and Donnie on honor, responsibility, and consequence. But even that lacked the heat that Leo had expected. In fact, he could swear Splinter seemed… happy the Lotus was leaving.
When it came to the narration of the night's events, obviously they left out the part about Tang Shen being the evil ghost who had attacked Donnie. To think, even in this very moment, she remained trapped inside Hachisu's pendant, just outside the dojo...
No… Splinter didn't need to know that just yet.
Of course, despite Splinter being in a relatively good mood, and even though the ghost attack hadn't been all their fault, they had dishonored their guest and taken possessions without consent. So it was almost dawn before either he or Donnie had finished their exercises and katas. By then, the Lotus were done packing and ready to leave.
Had the relationship between the clans ended on a happier note, Leo's entire family would have been there, bidding them farewell and good luck. As it was, only Leo and Splinter went to see the Lotus off at the turnstiles.
"I do not suppose there is a chance you might reconsider your mission," Splinter told Hachisu-no-Hana in a hush, sober voice—one last attempt at saving this clan from certain extinction.
"No," Hachisu replied flatly, and Leo couldn't help notice the spiritless look on some of the Lotuses' eyes, knowing what awaited them. It made Leo think their resolution wasn't as firm as their kashira's. And yet he never saw the smallest gesture of rebellion or hesitation. They were so different from the Hamatos. Leo couldn't remember all the times he had complained that his brothers didn't always follow orders like he wished, that they weren't a little bit more like the Lotus. Now he found himself wishing these soldiers would speak out. Then maybe the Lotus Clan would have a chance
Splinter nodded gravely. "So be it. Good luck."
The two clans aligned, ready to bow, but Hachisu stalled.
"Hamato-sensei, one thing I promise," she began with the faintest urgency. "I did not intend to put your family in danger."
Remembering what April had said about Hachisu speaking the truth, Leo could've believed that much, and be grateful for the apology. But he just didn't know if he trusted her at all anymore. He covertly searched Splinter, and after a couple of seconds, his father simply offered an unassuming nod.
Hachisu was the first to bow, followed by her clan, and Leo and Splinter. Just like that, they turned and passed through the turnstiles in somber silence.
Watching the Lotus clan disappear down the tunnel, Leo realized in a gut-wrenching bout of sadness that it might be the last time they saw any of them alive.
"Whoa…" Raph frowned as he stared down at his untouched bowl of cereal, hands flat on the table.
Leo nodded, still munching on the information himself. Last night had been wild even by their standards. With Karai still in her bedroom, and Splinter enjoying his bathroom hour, he and Donnie had a few minutes to catch Raph and Mikey up on the Tang Shen revelation, as well as the future turtles' arrival time. April had left for school just after the Lotus, looking sullen and sleepy, and hanging her head.
Across the table, Mikey was wide-eyed, stunned, though never speechless, and never too preoccupied to eat. "Holy chalupa, dudes. Tang Shen tried to kill us!" His words were muffled by the breakfast pizza in his cheeks. "And Splinter didn't recognize her?"
"Well, Hachisu keeps her inside the talisman." Donnie's voice was steady enough, but his eyes were hooded and blood-shot as he kept watch at the door, slurping down his third mug of coffee. At this point, Leo didn't bother asking how long since the last time his brother got a good night's rest, knowing the answer would just be a dismissive shrug.
"Not even April realized there was a ghost at first," Donnie continued. "Splinter could barely sense that there was something in there at all."
The weight of the new knowledge blanketted the breakfast table like a thick winter fog. Even Mikey was quiet, the vacant stare and jaws working on autopilot making him look like a pastured cow. With so much going on, it seemed impossible that the Lotus had only arrived in the lair not even two days ago.
Raph's bitter chuckle broke the silence. "Man, you can't expect to keep something like this from Splinter, let alone Karai."
Mikey snorted, though he seemed far from amused, even as he soaked the pizza in his milk. "Yeah, do you not know Karai?" he said, as he absently took another wolf bite.
Their words plucked at Leo's heart. Even with all the precautions, he knew his brothers were right: Karai and Splinter would have to find out eventually. He just doubted there would ever be a right time.
At least he had hope that today would be better. Karai had seemed in a better mood the previous evening, having fun at girls' night with April and Mikey. Although disgruntled with the way things turned out with Hachisu-no-Hana, he suddenly felt relief that the Lotus were gone. Ever since they arrived with talks of revenge, Karai had been more difficult than ever. He had to wonder if this was the same reason why Splinter wasn't angrier. Maybe now Karai would settle down and forget about suicide missions—at least until they came up with an actual plan. Wishful thinking?
"Just keep your mouths shut on the topic until the future turtles arrive. They have a plan," Leo said, managing to sound more confident than he felt and ignoring Raph's scoff. "You guys can manage one day without mentioning Shen, right?"
"You just mentioned her, Cap'n," Mikey retorted.
Leo glared. "Starting now."
"Hey, but what if Karai was supposed to leave, but because future us warned us, we can work it out so she doesn't?" his optimistic brother suggested, more pensive than Leo usually got to see him. "Maybe that's what it was? They were warning about Karai leaving because of her fight with Master Splinter? You guys think that's what happened in their universe?"
Leo shrugged wistfully. "Could be."
Another fear crept into the back of his mind. He snuck a glance at Donnie and Raph, and saw the same concern etched on their brows. What if Karai leaving wasn't the worst of it? He kicked the thought out, shut the mental door behind it, and restrained himself from saying it out loud.
"So what are we gonna do about this?" Raph asked. He still hadn't touched his cereal. "This pendant—are we gonna try to get it back or what?"
Leo shook his head at the floor. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"But it's Tang—" Raph closed his mouth at Leo's warning glare, and his next words were merely a whisper. "It's You-know-who!"
"I know," Leo said. He didn't like leaving Shen in the hands of a stranger clan either. "But it's too dangerous to have around for now. And we don't even know where the Lotus will be hiding. We'll see what the future turtles have to say on the matter."
Raph gave a dissatisfied grunt. "Man, these future guys better deliver. We're betting a lot on them."
"Yeah, all this not knowing is really getting on my nerves," Mikey confessed, picking up the leftover crumbs from the plate and table and licking them off his finger.
"I think it's getting on all our nerves," Leo agreed.
"At least we finally have a date of arrival," said Donnie, holding his mug under his chin, the wisps of steam licking his snout. "We're finally gonna find out what this whole thing is about." He chuckled, and Leo couldn't be sure if it was sarcastic. "This is gonna be a ride."
"Oh shit, I know right? The hype is real!" Mikey exclaimed. His ability to go from worry to excitement within a finger snap never ceased to amaze Leo. And even in the face of uncertainty, when Mikey said it like that—the radiant smile, that glimmer in his clear blue eyes as he served himself another plate—Leo was inclined to believe him. He allowed one corner of his mouth to curl upwards, warmed by the ember of hope inside him, rekindled by the fresh perspective.
"It kinda is, yeah," Donnie agreed, and a timid smile appeared on his face as well.
"It's tonight, dudes! I can't wait to see future me!"
"Well, I'm not so sure." Raph's grumble tore through the budding excitement like a lawn mower.
"It's them, Raph," Leo said. "We've established that much. And they're coming to help."
"Whatever. Even if that's true, you can't deny this is kind of messed up! I mean, isn't anyone worried about what this might do to our heads? What if they're not what we want to see? What if it sucks? Then we gotta live with the knowledge that that is our future."
"For example?" Mikey asked casually after washing down the ball of food with a large swig of his orange juice.
"Like, what if I'm missing an eye or something? Or you could be missing an arm."
The image Raph conjured sent a shiver up Leo's spine.
On the other hand, Mikey seemed completely unphased as he smeared scrambled eggs over a new pizza slice. "That's okay, I'll just ask Donnie to make me a cool bionic Swiss Army arm. Heh. Swiss arm-y." He toasted Donnie with his pizza, clearly waiting for laughter that never came. Meanwhile, Leo was trying to ignore the Mad-Max-ish picture plaguing his mind.
Donnie only gave the comments a patronizing smile, then retorted a little impatiently, his voice thick and tired, "Guys, I keep telling you. That's not how this works. Even if Raph's picture turned out to be true, our timelines are not the same: their timeline is totally independent from us, and ours from theirs. That means our future is very unlikely to be anything like their future. They are not us."
Raph rolled his eyes, stubborn as ever. "Then why are they coming here? What's the point, if our lives are so different as you say, if nothing they do here affects them?"
"Well, those are points two and three respectively in my list of questions." Donnie shrugged, and took another gulp.
"Hey, I didn't know we could make a list!" Mikey chimed in, then quickly kicked his stool back and ran to grab the first paper he could find on the counter. "I have so much to ask them!"
Leo clicked his tongue, unable to contain himself even in a time like this. "I told you a hundred times not to doodle on the shopping list!"
"And why are you so cheerful?" Raph demanded irritably, watching Mikey scribble, Leo's words once again unheeded.
Mikey paused to ponder for a moment, like that was actually a pretty good question. "I dunno, I guess I like these future dudes." He smiled, and proceeded to stuff his mouth once more as if he didn't expect to have to speak again, before continuing to write.
"You haven't even met them yet—!"
"Hey-y-y, morning, sleepy head!" Donnie announced with an overstated cheerfulness over Raph's impatient screeches, which signalled the end of the conversation.
Leo put a finger to his lips, Raph jabbed a spoonful of cereal in his mouth, and Mikey stuffed his list in his shell under his armpit. A few seconds later, Karai walked in.
"Looks like someone slept…" Leo was going to say 'well', until he caught sight of her. His hopes that today would be a better day than yesterday banished in a puff of smoke.
Karai looked ill. Her face was pasty and gaunt as she passed by Donnie, who shared an uncertain look with Leo, and went straight for the fridge with a dull "Hey."
Concerned, Leo slowly stood up. "Karai? Are you feeling okay? You don't look so good."
To his surprise, Karai straightened and scowled at him, her lip curled in disbelief. Then she quickly turned away, grabbing a can of soda and slamming the fridge door shut. Leo could only stare, confused, as Karai started chugging down the soda with her back to him. He had no idea what he'd said to offend her. He was just worried about her.
Until half an instant later, when it dawned on him.
"She's just not wearing her makeup," Raph stated casually before getting back to his cereal, and Leo repressed a facepalm, trying to ignore Mikey's 'ooooo' face.
Karai's make-up was just as much a part of her face as that little beauty mark under her tear duct. But today, for some reason, she hadn't put it on, and the lack of sleep was obvious in the dark shadows around her eyes.
Before he could contain himself, he blurted out, "Is this because of what I said about Hachisu?"
It had occurred to him for a second that Karai was simply jealous. She'd heard him praise the way Hachisu pulled off the modest, no makeup look, and probably thought he would like to see it on her as well.
But as soon as Karai turned around, stabbing him with her death glare, he knew for sure he'd screwed up big time.
"I just didn't feel like it today, alright?" she snapped, and Leo ducked, because for a moment he thought she would fling the empty can at him. But it only hit the bin with a loud bang, and she headed out. "So dojo, or what?"
Leo's brothers all turned to him with undisguised looks of 'yikes'. He sighed and ordered a move-on.
So now she was angry at him again, and all because he worried about her and wanted to be nice.
Served him right, Leo thought as he followed the others to the dojo.
Leo had only just gotten out of the dojo, and there they went again. Out and in, barely any time to rest. The carpets were still pungent from their previous workout.
Karai was already kneeling in position when Leo walked in, and completely ignored him as he went to sit in line next to her as usual.
He decided to get right down to business for now, hoping she'd play along. Maybe he should bring back 'fire with fire'. It worked last time...
"Alright," he announced once everybody was sitting. "While we wait for sensei, we can discuss our next plan of action. This future thing has been occupying most of our attention lately, and we're still gonna wait for them in case they know something, but we can't forget about that missing mutagen. We need a contingency plan. Oh, uh..." He addressed Karai, realizing she hadn't heard this. "We have a time of arrival for the future turtles. They're coming tonight at 4 am."
He waited for Karai to act offended because they didn't wait for her to give the news, but Karai only glanced briefly at him, then nodded.
"So yeah," he continued in an irked monotone, not even bothering with the details seeing as she didn't care. "We still have a ton of mutagen to track down."
"But where else can we look?" Donnie said with a yawn.
"What about the Lotus?" Raph said on Leo's other side. "Did they give some kind of intel?"
"Well, if they had any, we're not getting it. Not anymore," Leo said, not even trying to downplay his discontent. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Donnie lowering his gaze to the floor. "So we'll try hacking into their databases, see if they got something." And this time, Donnie didn't object.
Then there was a loud groan, and everyone turned to Karai. She had her eyes closed, slowly shaking her head.
Already in a bad enough mood, Leo cleared his throat. "Anything you want to contribute?"
"Going after the Purple Dragons is like cutting the leaves on a weed," Karai said immediately, not with the slightest hint of cynicism or mockery, but with a long-suffering expression, like this was the thousandth time she'd had to explain it. "Shredder is the root of everything. It's him we should be fighting, and you know it."
Leo looked around at his brothers, seeking help. Donnie and Mikey seemed pretty determined to stay out of it for the time being. Raph, however…
"Actually, I have to agree with her on this one," he said squarely.
Now it was Leo's turn to give a tired sigh. "Seriously, Raph? You're doing this now? You never agree with her!"
"Well, she has a point now." Raph shrugged. "The Purple Dragons are most likely just gathering all that mutagen for Shredder. Why don't we just make peace with the Lotus, go to his lair and knock down some walls?"
Leo pinched between his eyes, summoning all his remaining patience. "First, we don't know that it's the Foot. Shredder's more powerful now than he's ever been—"
"And he'll keep getting stronger unless we do something soon!" Karai said on his other flank, cutting Raph's incoming reprisal short, and almost giving Leo whiplash. He noticed Donnie leaning slightly forward as if he'd been about to speak as well. But now Leo's brothers only looked hesitantly at Karai and him.
"My point remains," Leo said firmly. "Everytime we try to sneak up on Shredder, something goes horribly wrong."
Karai's temper was fragile as thin ice, and he was currently walking all over it, slowly, avoiding sudden moves in order to get to the other shore alive. He swallowed a ball of frustration down, where it already felt pretty packed, and lowered his voice to a gentler tone.
"Have you forgotten what happened last time?"
He didn't have to specify. She—they were all dealing with the consequences of her falling in that pool of mutagen for months. Actually, they still were. Leo was slightly surprised to see Karai look down in clear shame.
"Last time it was me alone. I know that was stupid," she admitted. "But together with the Lotus Clan we can take down Shredder, Leo. This is our chance to join forces! Why don't you see it?" Her body was fully turned towards him, almost pleading.
It hurt him to have to stand by his words.
"We can't just wing something like this, Karai. We need to be prepared, and even then we might not succeed. Even if we had the Lotus on our side, they would outnumber us, probably twenty to one. Striking the Foot at their own fortress is suicide. A frontal assault is not an option, and we don't have the necessary intel for a stealth operation. They most likely changed things a lot since you left."
"We should've attacked then."
Leo sighed. "We've been through this. You weren't well, it wasn't the right time."
Karai closed her eyes, and Leo hoped that was it. He should've learned by now it was never that easy with Karai
"One day Shredder will come up with something we won't be able to fight. While you're trying to 'know more', Shredder may already be at our door."
"The lair's the safest place in New York," Donnie chimed in merrily. "I just upgraded the grid. State of the art."
Finally some help, Leo thought, and added, "Yeah, and it doesn't mean we're forgetting about Shredder. That is why we patrol. But I trust sensei. If he chooses to wait, then we wait."
"Oh, please. Will you get down from father's lap? Splinter's not as all-knowing as you make him out to be." There it was, the point where Karai realized she was getting nowhere with measured words. Leo braced himself: now, she went for the jugular.
On the other side of Karai, Mikey looked so disheartened Leo doubted he'd be able to pick a side when it came down to it. His normally cheerful brother was a great reference to know how serious a situation was. If he wasn't laughing or cracking jokes, then you knew it was serious. And Leo had rarely seen Mikey so quiet.
Donnie didn't seem to know what to say either, and even Raph had stopped talking. Why would he, when Karai was already doing all the work?
Leo steeled himself, since apparently he would have to fight this fight alone. "There's no argument, Karai. We wait." And in the spirit of 'fire with fire', he threw in a smug, "Suck it up."
Karai's jaw muscles twitched, her eyes blazing. Leo had expected something like that. But what she said next, her voice like acid, he never saw coming.
"Why are you leader?"
He reeled. "Excuse me?"
"Why are you leader?" Karai repeated, a challenge in her forward posture, her eyes dead set on him, unyielding. "Is it because of how well you suck up to Splinter? After all, I'm the oldest, I'm more qualified. What's more, I'm Splinter's real daughter!"
Leo's breath was knocked right out. He could see his brothers' eyes on them, wide and unblinking.
He had never felt more betrayed. How long had this been on her mind?
"Are you serious with this, Karai?" Raph growled suddenly, making to get up, but Leo stopped him.
Leave it to me, he told him silently with his gaze, and Raph took a reluctant step back.
Leo turned to Karai, and gave her a disbelieving look. "I carry the Hamato name just like all of us. We are Splinter's legitimate sons, as you are his daughter. I can't believe you would say something like that. You're Japanese, you know how it works—"
She took her eyes away, and blew an irritated huff at the carpet. "You weeabo, what would you know about our culture? What do you know about family traditions, or anything?"
Something inside Leo gave way, and all his pent-up frustration came up like vomit. A sarcastic chuckle hit the back of his throat.
"I'm surprised you have the courage to say you know more about family than we do, being Shredder's daughter."
He should've seen it coming. Karai threw herself at him. All of a sudden, Leo was on his shell, Karai's blade at his throat. Instincts taking over, he rolled on the spot, managing an armlock. He twisted Karai's wrist, disarming her, and the blade fell with a soft clang on the carpets.
She came back, snarling, with a knee kick to his chin, and he fell on his side. Next thing he knew, he was pinned on his plastron, immobilized by Karai's legs, his neck in a tight chokehold.
"Take it back!" she growled in his ear.
"Karai!" he heard the others yell. "Let go!"
Karai shook him once. "Take it back!"
Leo would've taken it back, if his windpipe hadn't been compressed like that—not a killing move, by far: it was about dominance.
About to make his move, he felt a struggle above. Suddenly the pressure on his throat receded, and Karai's weight lifted from him. The others must have yanked her off him. He rolled over to see Karai stomping towards the exit.
"Always a pleasure speaking with you, Karai," he called defiantly over his shoulder as he pushed himself back to his knees.
"Leo, come on." Mikey's voice and expression said please don't make it worse.
"Oh, what? Now I'm the bad guy?" Leo groaned, rubbing his throat, stomach churning with a nauseating cocktail of anger and regret. "Thanks for backing me up, by the way."
"Don't pin this on us, dude. You didn't even want the help," Raph said with all the kindness of a collapsing building.
They all looked at Leo like a balloon that had been blown up too tight, and Leo bristled, Karai's words still resonating in his ears.
"She practically said we're not Splinter's sons!" Forget the chokehold: that had hurt the most.
"Leo, calm down," Donnie said, so carefully it felt like an insult.
"No," Leo snapped, determination welling inside him, born out of pure frustration. "I'm not calming down. Not this time."
As Leo stood, Donnie made to stop him. "I'm not sure that's-"
"I know, Donnie. I got this," he retorted, but collected himself to assuage his brother's worries before walking calmly past him with a nod.
"Tell Splinter I'll be right back."
Leo liked to think, in terms of serenity and self-control, he was a master among his brothers. He really didn't lose his patience often. But if they kept poking the sleeping mizuchi, it was bound to wake up eventually and take a chomp out of someone. And today the mizuchi had been poked, kicked and pulled on its tail. And it was now too riled up to go back to sleep.
He was tired of being careful, of treading on the fragile eggshells of Karai's temper with his metaphorical bunny slippers. So this time he wasn't going to wait for her to cool off, and then act like everything was okay. This time he would not shut up, he would get her to talk to him and figure out what was going through her head, even if he had to be choked again in the process.
As he climbed down the stairs, he heard Mikey moan. "These family fights bum me out so much, dude…"
"It'll be okay, Mikey. We have pork rinds in the kitchen," Donnie's voice offered tenderly.
"Pork rinds would be good."
Leo could almost hear the roll of Raph's eyes.
As Leo approached Karai's door he could hear sounds of clatter and shuffling at the other side, until he made it halfway down the hall, and they abruptly died. When he reached the door, it was so quiet anyone else would've thought it empty. Unlike the other bedrooms, this one didn't have an opaque window. But Leo knew: Karai was only listening.
He balled his hands into fists, furious, not just with Karai but with himself, and with how hard things were. He wasn't sure who to blame for things being this difficult. Remembering the future turtles' warning, if it could even be called that, he was suddenly terrified of having triggered whatever might happen to Karai, and his anger started to ebb away.
Who would've thought fighting fire with fire would make more fire? You idiot, Leo thought, wanting to slap himself.
After a few moments of wondering whether he should just turn around and walk away, he took a deep breath, and knocked softly.
No answer. Well, no surprise there.
"It's Leo," he said into the wood, obvious though it was.
"Tottoto dete ike, Baka ka!" came Karai's voice from inside. Insults. No surprise there either.
He heaved another deep breath. "I just want to talk."
There was a thumping coming closer, and the door opened to reveal Karai's seething face.
"What are you, deaf or just dumb? You want me to say it in your language? Go. The flying—"
"Karai."
"—fuck. Away!"
"Karai, please! This gets us nowhere," Leo insisted, gritting his teeth. He raised his hands, pleading for calm. "I think we can work this out like adults. What I said before, I take it back. There. Now can I come in? I'll let you choke me some more if that'll help."
She shot him a disbelieving glower. "You're an idiot."
"Yes! Yes, I am!" That seemed to have the desired effect as she gaped at him for about 0.7 seconds, enough to ask, "Can I come in?"
She swivelled around into her room, but left the door ajar—her way of inviting him in, he supposed. Karai wasn't one to easily apologize; Leo knew the fact that she had let him in could almost count as an apology in and of itself. A small victory.
When he pushed the door open and came in, she was already sitting on her bed, her back leaned against the wall. She had picked up a magazine, and was skimming through it like she hadn't noticed him.
Karai's room was dim and austere, already embedded with its inhabitant's touch—and her smell; it smelled different than when April was using it. More spicy, with shades of sandalwood. The walls were decorated with some rock band and J-punk posters and stickers, but there was no sight of all the CDs, comics and make-up sets that Leo knew she had somewhere.
That was the thing about Karai: she never gave away the whole story, only the bits and pieces that she considered pertinent, safe. That's why, instead of shelves and wardrobes, the room was equipped with multiple lockers and trunks they had recovered for her, and that later she had reinforced with big badass bolts. When they asked her about this, she simply replied, "Force of habit." To this day none of them knew exactly what she kept in those containers, and none were too tempted to peek in case they were booby-trapped. If Leo had to guess, a lot of it was her shōjo manga collection.
Normally Karai was relatively tidy, but today her bed was unmade, and some of her clothes scattered on the floor along with some of the usual ninja instruments. He noticed her new armor lying haphazardly at the opposite corner, as if she'd torn it off and flung it across the room.
An unexpected flash of color pulled his gaze towards her nightstand, and he couldn't help but grin at the little tsum-tsum turtle totem she'd put together. Four turtles, each with their own colored bandanas, on top of a bigger rat.
"What do you want?" Karai demanded, still not lifting her eyes from the pages. "I thought you'd said it all, oh Fearless Leader."
He'd heard that name countless times before, and it was amazing how much the meaning changed from time to time. They called him Fearless, when he was anything but. Especially in moment like this, when his heart pounded so fiercely.
He spent a few seconds just standing there, pondering on how to properly approach her, and immediately decided not mentioning Shredder was rule number one. Better shelve the game of thrones issue for later as well.
"You know? There's a saying," he began finally, injecting his voice with all the composure he could gather. "'Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Forgive each other, begin again tomorrow'."
A slow blink, and Karai looked up, one side of her nose quirking in disgust. "Did you get that from a fortune cookie?"
"Actually, Master Splinter told me."
She let out a dry chuckle, and mumbled, "Splinter's always been like a walking fortune cookie." Then she went back to her magazine.
Unsure of whether that observation about Splinter had been unrespectful or not, Leo decided to go on as if he hadn't heard it. "The thing is, we both got a little fired up earlier…"
"Ugh, where are you going with this, Leo?" she interrupted him, but it was her voice that took him aback. She didn't sound angry anymore. Just tired.
"Hear me out, Karai. Please. I didn't mean what I said. I was trying... "
"Whatever you have to say, it makes no difference. It's clear what you think of me—what you all think of me."
Leo winced, never regretting saying something as much as he regretted reminding her of her link to Oroku Saki. Not that she would need reminding. But Leo'd never wanted her to think that it mattered, to any of them. And yet that was exactly what his words had told her.
"I promise, it's not like that. You have to understand—"
"No!" Karai flung her magazine aside, and got up to face Leo. "I've heard it all before! You're the one who doesn't understand! You don't know what this is like, wondering how much of what I do is really me or how much is… the Shredder." She grimaced in disgust, and started pacing in front of Leo. "He still has an influence on me, I can feel it. I hate it! I hate knowing that he'll always be a part of me. And you know the worst thing?"
Leo couldn't tell if she wanted him to answer her question or not, as she paused to stare at him, her expression practically supplicating.
"Sometimes I miss it—I miss being Foot," she said at length, taking her eyes away. "The Foot was my life. I had power, I knew my place. I knew who I was. Now I don't know anything." Her shoulders sagged. "I feel like I don't entirely fit in here. I can see it in the way father looks at me. Like I'm a stranger. It's just… It's something I can't live with anymore."
At her words, Leo's stomach clenched. From the moment they rescued her, took her in, a part of him always feared she'd one day come to the conclusion that she didn't belong here, and leave them again.
"I get it—" he started to say, unable to bare the pain in her eyes, but she interrupted him again with a groan.
"You don't get it, or you would support me on this."
"I do get it! But this isn't the way!" How could he make her understand? What else could he say?
She squinted at him, unbelieving, head tilted to one side. Then her expression hardened, and Leo faltered.
"I know about Tang Shen," she said, the name turning Leo's blood cold. "I heard you, and Donnie and April, talking in the lab. All of it. And I know you tried to keep it from me."
Oh, man… Leo thought with a hundred mental facepalms. He didn't bother trying to come up with an explanation. She had been right there. She knew.
"So don't try to tell me you get it," Karai finished, with a derisive toss of her head.
Nearly panicking, Leo racked his brains, urging his inner strategist to find a way to out of this mess. Everything was going so wrong.
Forget fire. Just tell the truth.
"I'm… I'm sorry we didn't tell you, it's just… We were worried you might do something..." don't say stupid "—hasty." Dammit, too slow, he groaned to himself, suppressing a cringe.
Karai shook her head with an impatient sigh.
He insisted, taking a step towards her. "Listen to me. Vengeance will not bring you peace."
She scoffed. "There you go again, quoting dad on everything like he's never wrong. Well, he's wrong about this."
"All Splinter wants—what we all want—is for you to be safe."
"And what are you gonna do? Keep me in a little padded room until I die of old age? It doesn't matter if I'm miserable, if I can't sleep at night, as long as I'm alive and living by your rules?"
"Of course not, but you don't have to go on a suicide mission to prove yourself!"
"You know I still have nightmares?" she blurted out, Leo's brain screeching to a halt at the way she was looking at him, as though this was also his fault. "I dream that I'm under Shredder's control, and I'm attacking you guys, seeing it all happen, but I can't stop myself. Other times I'm strapped to a lab table, and when I wake up, I still can't move. And I keep hearing your screams, and Shredder's voice ordering me to kill you. And it feels so real that for a few moments I believe it's all happening again."
Leo could only listen, horrified by the sheer desperation in her voice, the weight of her story pressing on his chest, and he felt the urge to embrace her. Just take her in his arms and hold her tight. He wanted to tell her how much he cared for her, to reassure her that this was her place now, and they would do anything for her.
He stopped himself with a jerk, afraid to mess things up even more, and she looked at him as if she could see right through. —
"I'm so sorry, Karai…" was the only thing he could think to say. She didn't reply, but let her gaze fall to the floor, arms crossed. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Karai's throat worked. "Because it shames me. I just…" She straightened up, and turned to Leo, imploring. "I have to face Shredder. I need to. It's the only way I can be free. Why can't any of you see that?"
Leo moved forward, grasping her arms. "Karai, you have a family now. We want you to be happy. We'll help you," he promised, even though he had no clue how they would do that just yet. But somehow they'd find a way. He remembered something. "The future turtles are arriving tonight. They're here to help, they'll have some answers," he offered in an attempt at being optimistic.
But Karai only looked blankly at him, unconvinced, and so thoroughly unimpressed, even at the prospect of their own future time-travelling selves. She just looked way beyond caring right now, which made him feel all the more useless.
He so desperately wanted to help her, but Karai had always kept just out of his reach. Now that Leo knew what set them apart, she seemed further than ever. Now he could only beg. "Just… let it settle, please. Don't rush into anything. Please, promise me."
He tightened his hold just slightly and she sighed, a tiny release of pressure from a monstrous geiser that was long overdue. Then, for the longest three seconds, she only looked at him.
Her voice was soft and oddly serene when she spoke again. "I'll think about it."