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Bluemonster140 [2017-07-31 15:55:11 +0000 UTC]

Heyyyy! I'm back at it again with another review! (forgive me for my review purge on your ocs ) So without much delay, I'll get right to it! 

First things first, in the visuals that you give us, I already spot a couple things that already get me quite confused while using a realistic mindset. The most pressing thing I'd like to talk about is her legs, you tell us that she was hit by a car with a picture of scratched up legs, which when thinking about it doesn't make much sense.When a person does get run over, they end up breaking their legs, getting flattened, or getting their head smashed open or injuries that deal with just getting things broken, which means her getting scratches all over her legs from that incident just doesn't make sense. Though if you said she crashed into another car at high speeds, then shrapnel from said car could embed themselves into her legs which makes a bit more sense, Yet this would also make her most likely immobile which could destroy the whole dancer thing. So, in theory, I feel it would be easier if you would make her arms mangled instead of her legs (Then again, that's just a suggestion ) The other thing you should look into is her eyes, though its not wrong to say after death ones pupils grow or dilate, but I believe after a while when decay sets in the eyes become milky or a whitish color.

Next is the bio, the first issue I spot is her name. You put that Laila (Dreadful Dancer) means "Night Beauty" in Arabic which is nice, but I feel as though it might be better to say she was named after a family member that had danced which could also explain why you also go into detail about her loving dancing and how she never stops, she could have been taught by said family member to dance and in honor of them she dances in their memory. Also the Arabic feels like it was throw in for a fancy factor, since you said she can speak Korean (without much explanation as to why) You could use a Korean name, and say her family has very deep Korean roots. Another thing I've found that I have a small issue with is wither her method of killing (You also don't state much reason for it, either which is also something to look into) you say at first she doesn't kill, which is fine, she can still be scary without having to kill anything. In fact all she really needs to do is show shes useful in some way, which from her personality which could be some sort of persuasive ability which would be a good way to use this hallucination ability she has that she mentions. The only issue that is brought up is that after bringing up the fact she doesn't kill, you say she runs some to suicide (which in a way is murder in its own right.)

The last things I want to bring to attention are her likes, dislikes, lack of strengths & weaknesses, fear, and personality (a lot I know, but most only have small issues, or something I have a suggestion on) I'll start with her likes & dislikes, naturally I don't really believe these are exactly needed, Though I do encourage them to helps create and develop a character more but the way there used here kind of seem like you could guess them, for example, we already can guess she like music in dancing due to her name and her friend literally being called 'Killer Dj' and of course she likes hanging out with friends (I don't, but still) so In this case I would just switch out dislikes and likes with strengths and weaknesses until you can develop the character more in that subject or you could just ditch them and not use them again, which all in all makes things a bit easier. Now her fear of dolls, now as a lost spirit you'd expect her not to be scared which in this case makes this phobia stupid, but I do remember that this bio states she doesn't remember much from a past life which you could use to say that she doesn't believe she's dead, which could also explain her personality being very cheerful due to her being in denial about her death and her brain ends up creating this world where nothing really horrible happens which can also explain her naive nature (then again this is just another suggestion)

That's about it, all in all this character just seems very vivid. I mean, there's just not much there that makes her memorable. Even her outfit just seems like an everyday persons, I feel like her outfit should be either torn up or destroyed, maybe a hospital gown even since she died in the hospital. Somethings that could emphasize her scars and cuts more could make her look more interesting and, well, dead. She's just very bland, and her temporary proxy title just doesn't make sense in her case, nothing makes her useful to him really. Not to mention her bipolar depression also doesn't make sense due to her personality (then again that's just my opinion.) Still I can't deny she has a lot of potential to her character, almost like a hidden treasure, You just need to set some times aside and make her a bit more thorough. In the end, all I can say is good luck and have a fabulous afternoon ^^ 

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DeathbatMisty [2016-09-11 23:04:09 +0000 UTC]

Wow this doesn't seem like a bad oc, sorry but a lot better then sinya Sonia or whatever, honestly she'll be a perfect Creepypasta just make sure she isn't the slutty type, I have faith in you! (^~^)

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TheMystics11 [2015-06-22 04:38:24 +0000 UTC]

...may i help with the story? i looked at the comments and saw you needed help =3

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TheCreepyPastaGirls [2015-05-06 18:09:45 +0000 UTC]

I do admit the dream is slightly confusing, logically speaking kicking hard wouldn't cause legs to rip off, But! bones could shatter, and pierce into the skin causing blood loss. There's this condition called nightmare disorder , some of this makes it so the person dreaming doesn't wake up which could explain why she didn't wake from her dream because of her injured legs. Just a idea, all up to you.

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IvyDarkRose [2015-05-06 17:56:02 +0000 UTC]

I'm sorry your receiving rude comments, I felt like I needed to say, just ignore the ones (for explain the one above mine) that don't help you what so ever. Some people are just assholes, take what you can work with and ignore the clearly stupid ones.  

I think your character has great potential! If anything it just needs a tweek here and there, I can see something interesting coming out of this ^^

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TensaiProductionz [2015-05-06 11:49:49 +0000 UTC]

I'm not trying to make fun of your oc, but I'm a little confused about her back story. For one thing, her rare disease - is it a actual disease, or did you make it up? If you're keeping the idea, I would say that you need to work on it a little more before making it official.

Also, her dream confuses me more than the disease. I really suggest working on the oc a little bit more.

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Clockblockers [2015-05-06 11:43:08 +0000 UTC]

I think you're better off in writing, although a quick sketch helps. Sorry if this seems offensive...

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MariaLoveless12 [2015-05-05 14:02:27 +0000 UTC]

Nice oc Although I don't think people would make fun of a blind person. dont be scared to make her more of a monster either

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