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CrimsonHarlequinn — Tug of war
Published: 2018-02-16 17:15:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 142; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 0
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All through my more recent years.
My peers.
My family.
I couldn't make anybody happy.
Not them.
Not me.
I'd put on a smile like a cheap dollar store mask.
I'd say I'm fine when anyone would ask.
I'd try to make that fake smile real.
Try to give something that would appeal.
If you hide it eventually it will go away.
If you smile hard enough eventually it'll stay.
The thoughts that surround me will disappear.
Everything will be better next year.
Everything will be better next year.
I said.
I rinsed and repeated.
Again and again
Now I'm still here. And so are the thoughts.
If I keep lying here eventually I'll rot.
I can't keep crying about what I'm not.
But it's so hard to push through.
Take pill after pill but it's no use.
They make me dizzy.
They make me sleep.
They give me headaches.
I can't keep.
Doing this to myself
What other choice do I have?
I'm trying.
Damn it all.
I'm trying.
But the thoughts grip my mind with clawed hands and pull me back to the start.
I'm defeated in this battle but you will not win this war.
You will not control me.
I will bite and fight my way out.
No matter how long it takes.
I want more.
From life.
From myself.
Piece by piece I'll put myself back together.
Leaving out that cheap plastic smile.
From the dollar store.
