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CryptRose — Eden
by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-05-19 19:44:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 287; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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Description
Wake up afraid to open my eyesAnd end this delightful dream.
(I'll keep them shut until the morning rips me open.)
Remnants of my Eden, sweet faded colours
Fluttering beneath closed eyelids.
(The morning light will chase them away.)
Unconscious imprint.
Wake up and go. Get up and go.
(Let go of this soothing darkness)
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes.
Open your eyes for you have sinned.
(I'll open my eyes and stare at the wind.)
It's orange and yellow and red, deep red, flying inside out.
Blowing in my hair.
Inside out.
Inside out.
It's in me too. I'm flowing with the orange and the red, the deep red, warm and moist.
(The yellow has frozen in my heart.)
There is green too. Green and brown, all earthly colours.
The green is staring back at me, it's in the wind.
(The wind has flown inside my eyes.)
Dark blank filled with silence.
(My Eden. Stuck inside my head.)
The green and the brown, taking me into them.
Do I want to live, do I want to smile.
Then follow them.
(Laughter like bells rippling the surface of the lake)
The green flew me away.
I opened my eyes and it was there, the green is mine.
Beautiful colours. Beautiful, sweet, faded colours.
The reds, yes. And the greens too.
The colours of my Eden, and the light ripped me open.
(My Eden, trapped inside my head, trapped inside my Eden.)
My Eden, right before my eyes.
The greens are smiling back at me, and the light has ripped me open.
More than a dream.
No fluttering colours beneath closed eyelids, morning pulled them apart.
(The green is mine.)
The green is mine.
My Eden, trapped inside my head, trapped inside my Eden.
My Eden, right before my eyes, staring back at me, and the light ripped me apart.
My heart, trapped inside my Eden, tangled with my soul.
(But the green is mine.)
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Comments: 20
I had to read this twice which is unusual but ultimately it turned out to be worth it!
The only thing i found odd was near the start, '(The yellow has frozen in my heart.)' seems to be something totally personal to you. Not a bad thing at all but it causes a pause for someone who doesn't understand that breaks your good rythm.
The rest i loved, 'My heart, trapped inside my Eden, tangled with my soul.' Outstanding line!!
Write more!
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Thank you so much. ^^ It means a lot to me.
and you're right, it's personal, and i've tried to make it more obvious, or maybe change it, but i can't...
ah well..
i am writing, seems like the only way to get things off my chest, lately.
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It's beautiful. I'm not sure I fully understand it but I have my ideas.
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Well, why don't you let me know, and I'll explain you whatever you didn't understand? ^^
I write them like this so only the people I ant to understand them can, in fact, understand them.
It's not much, more like an emotional dumping on paper. That's what was going through my mind.^^
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Okay. 
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Again very (pretty) visual poetry! ^^ To me it wasn't as vague as the last one but, I still can't figure out some parts.
Nice work, Suzy.
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Well, you know me... always being sneaky. P
Thanks sweety ^^
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wow this is beautiful.
your use of diction is extremely impressive.
PS
oh, lawd, i missed youuuu
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Thank you sweety. ^^
Diction? How so? *doesn't quite grasp the meaning of the word*
The merit isn't mine though. Every single word of it came from his eyes.
--
I missed you too! I got worried sick, silly...
Where'd you go?
Oh, you have to see my new videos. I've been singing more! I'm so happy right now. Like things just started making sense, for the first time.
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the word choice! tis gooood
where'd i go...well, i just had to take care of a lot of stuff *being all vague* XD
YAYSINGING. i must seeeee
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UUh, thanks youz!
I dont like vague!! But yeah, its ur life. People with lives.. bah. How I miss that. xP
Suzy is being overworked!! T^T
You muuust, 'tis in my youtube channel, and two more are coming up!
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search for cryptrose on youtube, there's plenty videos thar. ^^
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Everything we write shows something we feel..
And just like a melody, it's our creation.. And when we create something, we create in order with what we want that "something" to be..
There is no "you should write this way"..
Just our world, and what we feel..
And first, before anyone can see, that creation is ours..
So when we write it there is only our way to feel.. And in that exact moment, we are free cause "we rule"...
And when the "sharing moment" arrives, if you have written what you feel, each one who hears it will receive it..
That's what matters... Receiving what you feel, not what each one wants to receive..
Creating your melody.. the one you want.. the one you feel its the true one.. creating without fear.. cause there is no need to be afraid.. in the end it will be perfect..
And green is yours...
(It is pretty nice)
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It's very pretty. Par usual; poetry has to be handed to a casual observer. It is a very good poem, but I'm not sure how many people just looking at it will understand. That's not a sign of craftsmanship, the imagery is just very unusual.
Great job hun. ^_^
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Well, perhaps I'll put a sort of explanation on the description... Does that make it easier? Just explaining what the colour means?
Thanks sweety ^^
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It did make it easier to understand. It is your though if you don't feel compelled to explain it, then don't.
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