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Published: 2009-11-05 22:59:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 175; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 1
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Description
no moments to last forever becausei will always be terrified if you pull me closer
to you with cold hands and shaking body.
--
i think the words you should hear
yet i speak nothing but silence.
i see the beauty in you, but dare i voice it,
unconscious rejection meets my every word.
--
you may ask me to stay but i'll always wonder
do you mean it at all?
i'm scared to death of staying close – falling deeper.
--
I'll whisper never just to hear you say forever
to the air next to my neck. i really wish that you would feel it.
and your head on my shoulder is pressing the button
that tells me to say the words i never can.
--
my skin is warm because you make me alive
spears of ice are puncturing at my insides
as a frozen heart is dripping.
--
it's all i can do to keep you from noticing
how i sometimes break in beautiful ways
to the sound of your words.
--
you are beautiful as you are real,
and your eyes remind me the ice i made myself out of
is awfully transparent.
i have a pulse and i cry.
--
of course you're wonderful.
in no other way, could you make me
just as miserable.
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Comments: 6
Garzla [2009-11-08 19:55:49 +0000 UTC]
I really like this one as well.
Nice imagery and a good word choice
The one thing I'd change though would be the line "but i speak nothing but silence.". The two "but"s sound a little strange together. perhaps adding another word like "Yet I speak nothing but silence"?
Great work overall, I quite like your writing ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
CryptRose In reply to Garzla [2009-11-08 22:19:30 +0000 UTC]
thank you. i've taken your advice, you were right.
i dont like this much... i think i need to improve it, but idk how.
thank you darling.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Garzla In reply to CryptRose [2009-11-08 22:27:43 +0000 UTC]
Ooh, I like it really. You do have some pretty original ideas in your writing.
And you're welcome
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
CryptRose In reply to ljscribbles [2009-11-08 01:34:00 +0000 UTC]
thank you... i dont really like it anymore.. seems very awkward.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ljscribbles In reply to CryptRose [2009-11-08 05:52:30 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome .
Aww, I'm sorry you don't like it though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0








