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Here's the video that goes with it: youtu.be/-ANuEhs2mEk

A long time ago- when I started Deviant Art, I ran into two people;

Turkish Phantom, and PC1073.

I first encountered Phantom via some picture that made as a gift for him. I was currently too much of a fool at the time to know who he was, or anything about him.

PC, I ran into (no thanks to and ) not even a couple days after my accidental run-in with Phantom. Well, PC was cracking some joke about abortion, I didn't get that he was joking, and in the end I said some thing that I honestly don't want to remember. I dug through PC's gallery, no doubt he dug through mine. Thanks to God that neither of us found out much about the other. At the same time, the Phantom tried to warn me to stay out of this. Did I listen? No. And in the end, I got exactly what I had coming to me. However my pride and ignorance prevented me from acknowledging it. After I found out about it, I made a "vent" in a journal entry, but it only proved to the world that what PC said was correct. That's when I met him. That's when I met the Green Horse known as Epickitty.
He told me his side of some story that stated his experience with PC. He said that he wanted to "prevent" this from happening to me, and I was idiot enough to believe him. He gave me a block list, I applied it. Then he told me to go to the DA pages of the Pessimist and the Phantom, and tell them off on their own profiles.
Only to find out that during some conversation, a number of people were talking shit about me. Believe it or not, Phantom defended me (and it will probably be the last time he'll do so for anyone not of his own).

After a while, one of PC's friends sent me a friend's request via Steam (because he was on the green horse's block list). At first, I thought it was a trap, but I couldn't be sure. I literally unblocked his DA and asked him. He said that he wanted to "help" me and at first I didn't believe him, but my curiosity got the best of me- which in this case was a good thing.

Over all of some time, I said that the picture was made by . Here's the REAL picture, and it was made by ALMarkAZ .
Here's the picture;

almarkazimagination.deviantart…

For some time, I was confused. After showing me, Cassey told me to seek advice from someone that already knew. Looking back on it now- Why the hell did I take orders from the most hated gmodder since Arthuurs? The answer is simple- I was too blind by rage, pride, ignorance and deceit to know any better.

It took me a while to process what was going on, but when I did, I turned to my first DA watcher- the first person on DA that I could call "friend". I turned to . No doubt about it, he saw the whole thing from a distance. Because he was neutral and didn't want to get involved, he told me that the only thing I could do at that point was just unblock people from EK's block list, and one-at-a-time just "apologize" to them in notes. As you can imagine, it was very pride-swallowing, and a painfully patient process.

As it turned out, there were so many people on that unholy blacklist that I just didn't know who to start with. I should've just went "from up to down" but some of the names looked like they were blocked for a reason. I couldn't tell if they actually were worth apologizing to, or if it was a good way to get more angry people up my ass than there were already. Well, to make a long story short- I went back to the picture that PC made, and read the comments- looking for people that were like AwesomeCassey. Basically, looking for anyone that said things like "I never talked to the guy, and I got blocked." or anything related to that.

For some people, it worked and went by smoothly. For others on the other hand? NOT so smoothly.

After a while, I got impatient and wrote a huge-ass apology in a journal entry. I think it nearly had about 100 views before D.A. took it down when I left.
I also unblocked everybody so they could dump all of their anger on me. Extremely weird enough, I never got any. Next, I talked to the Green Horse- told him what I was doing.
Do you want to know what that fool said? He said that I should just "block them".

Well, guess what? Blocking people doesn't solve your problems. Don't believe me? I have seen pages upon pages of both hate-comments, and regular comments to prove that it only makes your problems worse than they already were.

After that, I waited about another month. During that time, I remember having microscopic panic attacks every time I saw a feedback message. The feeling alone- that someone, somewhere, was angry at me, and would proceed to give me shit at anytime, of any day. Then, in order to keep myself from going deeper into the shit-hole I already was in, I had to play this "Mr. Nice Guy" facade to keep things calm. However it has been a long while since the last time that's happened. What else can I say? Shit happens. It's not like I'm gonna cry "boo hoo" about it especially when it happened about a freaking eternity ago simply because I couldn't get over it until now.

Back then, it just felt like that I was in a "Cold War" with absolutely everyone. Not knowing who would do what to me despite the "why" being obvious.

As ChaoticLord44 advised, I left PC and Phantom as the last people on my "to apologize" list. Took me a while, yet I finally "Manned up" and did it.
Until then however, I never actually saw anything on Phantom's page, let alone gallery. While I looked, I came across his "account deactivation" pictures. The one that first caught my eye was titled "One Last Card to Play". While reading it, he said a good amount of statements about this place and I practically agreed with him on about every statement he laid down. At the time, he recently went through a break-up with his girlfriend- I dunno, someone named "IlluMint" or something amidst that. From what I read, Phantom cared for her. He also mentioned his body feeling pain every second of every day. The moment I finished reading it, I was more than partly confused...And wasn't replaced with other feelings until after he replied to the apology note that I sent him. I did what I could to make it as good as I can.

In the apology, I added some extra words- acknowledging that the whole thing was my fault. I did what I could to go the extra mile. When he replied back, I was half expecting it to be hate mail. It wasn't. If you want to know what he said- then you can either take it up with the Phantom who spoke them, or watch the video on my channel. Either way, you find out what he said.

When I sent him that note, a fear rose in me- a fear that I was going to be struck down.... No.

When playing "The Lonesome Road" DLC for Fallout: NV, if you get the "good" ending, you can talk to Ulysses at the beginning of the road after you complete the DLC. There's a part in his dialogue where he says when a "Marked Man" approaches the gate of the Divide, he says that he'll talk to him- see if there's anything in him worth saving. If not, then what he does is Mercy. Not murder.

In the same likeness, Turkish-Phantom saw something in my repentance- something worth saving. As of forgiveness, he just asked me to be content that he was talking to me calmly instead of...Well, you know. He also said that in a way it'll speak for itself. I know not why, but I took it as a symbol that I was taking my first steps to the road to be redeemed- as if he was giving me a second chance despite the fact that he didn't forgive me. It was at that moment- the arrogant, prideful, and ignorant "thing" you all knew as "the SpectreScout" died.

All of my bitterness, unreasonable anger, and pride... It was all replaced with misery, self-hatred, sorrow, internal bitterness for what I've done. All replaced with a pain- a pain of guilt that even to this day, emotionally drags me into an abyss that I deserved to be imprisoned in. That my reader, is why I left Deviant Art- to escape the guilt. Escape the pain. But even now, it still tears at me.

I understand now.

Epickitty saw my arrogance, then used my pride and anger against me. He used me to get at Phantom. Not just that, but also to become his replacement on "Gmodders most hated" list.

I have just as much reason as anybody to hate this Green Horse as most people already do. This pic was originally gonna be me, sticking my light saber through Epickitty's gut, but something Phantom said caught my memory.

He told me to not bother with Epickitty- that he's biased and arrogant. Dug his own grave for his transgressions not just against the Turkish Phantom but all... And deserves no respect whatsoever.

Phantom is right.
If I made this picture as a sign- a symbol of hate towards The Green Horse, I'd be no different than him. He already has mountains of self-induced "hate art" pinned on himself. Do I really need to add on to the fact that he's lying to everyone- deceiving them into thinking he's the victim when in pure reality- it's him that has caused the problem in the first place?

It wasn't me that spared E.K.'s ass here. Phantom's the one who prevented me from making the mistake of proving that EK's a victim. He's not. What the green horse is getting is not any less deserved than what I got.

I use to stand forever unaffiliated...And I knew it wouldn't last forever.
My allegiance would've eventually been with Phantom, but I never expected it to turn-out like this.

I drug myself into this...
Now I will drag myself out of this- whatever the cost.

Even if I must fight against my inner-demons forever.

Description
Featuring and

Here's the video that goes with it: youtu.be/-ANuEhs2mEk

A long time ago- when I started Deviant Art, I ran into two people;

Turkish Phantom, and PC1073.

I first encountered Phantom via some picture that made as a gift for him. I was currently too much of a fool at the time to know who he was, or anything about him.

PC, I ran into (no thanks to and ) not even a couple days after my accidental run-in with Phantom. Well, PC was cracking some joke about abortion, I didn't get that he was joking, and in the end I said some thing that I honestly don't want to remember. I dug through PC's gallery, no doubt he dug through mine. Thanks to God that neither of us found out much about the other. At the same time, the Phantom tried to warn me to stay out of this. Did I listen? No. And in the end, I got exactly what I had coming to me. However my pride and ignorance prevented me from acknowledging it. After I found out about it, I made a "vent" in a journal entry, but it only proved to the world that what PC said was correct. That's when I met him. That's when I met the Green Horse known as Epickitty.
He told me his side of some story that stated his experience with PC. He said that he wanted to "prevent" this from happening to me, and I was idiot enough to believe him. He gave me a block list, I applied it. Then he told me to go to the DA pages of the Pessimist and the Phantom, and tell them off on their own profiles.
Only to find out that during some conversation, a number of people were talking shit about me. Believe it or not, Phantom defended me (and it will probably be the last time he'll do so for anyone not of his own).

After a while, one of PC's friends sent me a friend's request via Steam (because he was on the green horse's block list). At first, I thought it was a trap, but I couldn't be sure. I literally unblocked his DA and asked him. He said that he wanted to "help" me and at first I didn't believe him, but my curiosity got the best of me- which in this case was a good thing.

Over all of some time, I said that the picture was made by . Here's the REAL picture, and it was made by ALMarkAZ .
Here's the picture;

almarkazimagination.deviantart…

For some time, I was confused. After showing me, Cassey told me to seek advice from someone that already knew. Looking back on it now- Why the hell did I take orders from the most hated gmodder since Arthuurs? The answer is simple- I was too blind by rage, pride, ignorance and deceit to know any better.

It took me a while to process what was going on, but when I did, I turned to my first DA watcher- the first person on DA that I could call "friend". I turned to . No doubt about it, he saw the whole thing from a distance. Because he was neutral and didn't want to get involved, he told me that the only thing I could do at that point was just unblock people from EK's block list, and one-at-a-time just "apologize" to them in notes. As you can imagine, it was very pride-swallowing, and a painfully patient process.

As it turned out, there were so many people on that unholy blacklist that I just didn't know who to start with. I should've just went "from up to down" but some of the names looked like they were blocked for a reason. I couldn't tell if they actually were worth apologizing to, or if it was a good way to get more angry people up my ass than there were already. Well, to make a long story short- I went back to the picture that PC made, and read the comments- looking for people that were like AwesomeCassey. Basically, looking for anyone that said things like "I never talked to the guy, and I got blocked." or anything related to that.

For some people, it worked and went by smoothly. For others on the other hand? NOT so smoothly.

After a while, I got impatient and wrote a huge-ass apology in a journal entry. I think it nearly had about 100 views before D.A. took it down when I left.
I also unblocked everybody so they could dump all of their anger on me. Extremely weird enough, I never got any. Next, I talked to the Green Horse- told him what I was doing.
Do you want to know what that fool said? He said that I should just "block them".

Well, guess what? Blocking people doesn't solve your problems. Don't believe me? I have seen pages upon pages of both hate-comments, and regular comments to prove that it only makes your problems worse than they already were.

After that, I waited about another month. During that time, I remember having microscopic panic attacks every time I saw a feedback message. The feeling alone- that someone, somewhere, was angry at me, and would proceed to give me shit at anytime, of any day. Then, in order to keep myself from going deeper into the shit-hole I already was in, I had to play this "Mr. Nice Guy" facade to keep things calm. However it has been a long while since the last time that's happened. What else can I say? Shit happens. It's not like I'm gonna cry "boo hoo" about it especially when it happened about a freaking eternity ago simply because I couldn't get over it until now.

Back then, it just felt like that I was in a "Cold War" with absolutely everyone. Not knowing who would do what to me despite the "why" being obvious.

As ChaoticLord44 advised, I left PC and Phantom as the last people on my "to apologize" list. Took me a while, yet I finally "Manned up" and did it.
Until then however, I never actually saw anything on Phantom's page, let alone gallery. While I looked, I came across his "account deactivation" pictures. The one that first caught my eye was titled "One Last Card to Play". While reading it, he said a good amount of statements about this place and I practically agreed with him on about every statement he laid down. At the time, he recently went through a break-up with his girlfriend- I dunno, someone named "IlluMint" or something amidst that. From what I read, Phantom cared for her. He also mentioned his body feeling pain every second of every day. The moment I finished reading it, I was more than partly confused...And wasn't replaced with other feelings until after he replied to the apology note that I sent him. I did what I could to make it as good as I can.

In the apology, I added some extra words- acknowledging that the whole thing was my fault. I did what I could to go the extra mile. When he replied back, I was half expecting it to be hate mail. It wasn't. If you want to know what he said- then you can either take it up with the Phantom who spoke them, or watch the video on my channel. Either way, you find out what he said.

When I sent him that note, a fear rose in me- a fear that I was going to be struck down.... No.

When playing "The Lonesome Road" DLC for Fallout: NV, if you get the "good" ending, you can talk to Ulysses at the beginning of the road after you complete the DLC. There's a part in his dialogue where he says when a "Marked Man" approaches the gate of the Divide, he says that he'll talk to him- see if there's anything in him worth saving. If not, then what he does is Mercy. Not murder.

In the same likeness, Turkish-Phantom saw something in my repentance- something worth saving. As of forgiveness, he just asked me to be content that he was talking to me calmly instead of...Well, you know. He also said that in a way it'll speak for itself. I know not why, but I took it as a symbol that I was taking my first steps to the road to be redeemed- as if he was giving me a second chance despite the fact that he didn't forgive me. It was at that moment- the arrogant, prideful, and ignorant "thing" you all knew as "the SpectreScout" died.

All of my bitterness, unreasonable anger, and pride... It was all replaced with misery, self-hatred, sorrow, internal bitterness for what I've done. All replaced with a pain- a pain of guilt that even to this day, emotionally drags me into an abyss that I deserved to be imprisoned in. That my reader, is why I left Deviant Art- to escape the guilt. Escape the pain. But even now, it still tears at me.

I understand now.

Epickitty saw my arrogance, then used my pride and anger against me. He used me to get at Phantom. Not just that, but also to become his replacement on "Gmodders most hated" list.

I have just as much reason as anybody to hate this Green Horse as most people already do. This pic was originally gonna be me, sticking my light saber through Epickitty's gut, but something Phantom said caught my memory.

He told me to not bother with Epickitty- that he's biased and arrogant. Dug his own grave for his transgressions not just against the Turkish Phantom but all... And deserves no respect whatsoever.

Phantom is right.
If I made this picture as a sign- a symbol of hate towards The Green Horse, I'd be no different than him. He already has mountains of self-induced "hate art" pinned on himself. Do I really need to add on to the fact that he's lying to everyone- deceiving them into thinking he's the victim when in pure reality- it's him that has caused the problem in the first place?

It wasn't me that spared E.K.'s ass here. Phantom's the one who prevented me from making the mistake of proving that EK's a victim. He's not. What the green horse is getting is not any less deserved than what I got.

I use to stand forever unaffiliated...And I knew it wouldn't last forever.
My allegiance would've eventually been with Phantom, but I never expected it to turn-out like this.

I drug myself into this...
Now I will drag myself out of this- whatever the cost.

Even if I must fight against my inner-demons forever.