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Published: 2010-07-03 10:07:13 +0000 UTC; Views: 942; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 8
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Steel flashed. Voices roared. Leather soles skidded in protest on the slick marble as the two warriors struggled on, fireplace poker skidding along the side of the blade. Lassic pulled back his make shift weapon, parrying Hayte's long weapon high. "Remind me why this thing's in Kara's room?""I think Keily was using it to practice swordplay earlier!" Hayate grunted, staggering back from the force of the parry. He dove, careening away from a sharp stab that had been directed at his chest. Lassic pursued him, poker raised high for the finishing blow. Hayate struggled to recover, barely managing to lift the hilt of his weapon in a desperate gambit as the poker started to descend-
"Lassic! Hayate! Quit screwing around! I'm trying to concentrate on my memories over here!" Kara's voice roared, her expression livid as she scowled down at the pair. She stomped forward, her hands on her hips as she leaned forward. Hayate and Lassic both glanced up, their faces flushing as their mouths gaped open. Their eyes locked on, watching as Kara's breasts strained against her bra, gazing into the soft flesh that threatened to spill at any moment.
"Hayate, did we die and go to heaven?" Lassic wondered, staring dreamily up at the spectacle before him. "I'm quite sure we did…" he shuffled uncomfortably as he brushed a stray strand of hair from the side of his face as he glanced up shyly from the corner of his eye.
"Hey, Lassic? Is it just me or does it look like something's moving in Kara's cleavage?" Hayate wondered, nonplussed by the view as he raised a hand over his head to make sure he was seeing right. He tilted his head to the side, blinking curiously as he saw something red fly from between Kara's breasts, impacting against the ground in front of him.
A bright flash of light blinded Lassic and Hayate, Kara squealing in surprise and shock as she stood straight up. "What was that!?" Lassic and Hayate both screeched, holding their faces as they tried to get their vision back.
Mist yawned sleepily as she poked her head out, eyes half lidded in another gaping yawn. "Hiro said I should have those… he called them flash grenades…" she shook her head blearily as she kicked her legs, pushing herself free. She stood unsteadily on Kara's left breast, trying to keep her balance on the heaving surface as Kara tried to steady her breathing. "Do you two mind quieting down? I'm sleepy…"
"Excuse me m'lady, but I've been meaning to ask… why IS it that you sleep so much?" Lassic queried, his tone again adopting that of an English gentleman. He stood up, closing his eyes as he straightened his miraculously undamaged clothes. He seemed nonplussed by the grenade as he looked up. "It's certainly unusual to need so much sleep, is it not?"
"You recover fast," Hayate commented, letting his blade go. A bright flash of light momentarily brightened the area, and a bright silver collar with a big jewel glittering under Hayate's neck. Spikes ringed his throat, giving him a tough edge that did little to help his feminine countenance. "Anyway, I have been wondering about that for a while myself. Why DO you sleep so much? Where are you from?"
Mist smiled, giggling as she yawned again. "Ok, since you asked! If you wanna know, I'm from the world of Joren, just like Kara is! Um… I was born in the city of Seinza, on the continent of Shora. I was born to a middle class family! You know, one of those families that can pay their own way-"
"Excuse me, m'lady! What's Shora?" Lassic interrupted, tilting his brow in curiosity.
"That's a very good question Lassic!" Mist nodded, seeming braver and more awake then usual as she reached down into Kara's bust, feeling around. Kara yelped in surprise and embarrassment, raising her hands up to hug her bosom in response to Mist's probing fingers on her sensitive areas.
"M-Mist!? Stop that!" she whimpered, shaking her head wildly. "T-That's not something you should do in front of company!" She eeped, her face flushing deeper then a tomato as she felt Mist grab something long and thin, trying to pull it out. "Just let me get my graph and-" Mist tittered, giggling in embarrassment as she was picked up by Kara, lifted up towards her mouth.
"Mist! I'm supposed to be telling them myself!" she whined, pouting in a manner that was reminiscent of a kitten begging for attention. Her lips quivered, and she whimpered slightly as her eyes started to water.
"About yourself? What's there to know? You're just a big catgir-" Hayate, having piped up idiotically, was rather quickly silenced when Kara threw her long handled wooden hair brush at him. It clattered to the ground right in front of him, making him skitter back rapidly in reflex. "Nevermind, I'd love to hear more about you Kara!"
Kara smiled, nodding as she started to talk…
Only to be interrupted as Lassic spoke again. "That reminds me Mist. How did you meet Kara?" He asked, paying Kara no mind. He leaned back, smiling warmly at Mist as he waited for her to speak.
"Oh! That's easy! We met when Kara burst into my troupe when we were relaxing for a show the next night. I was the songstress of the group, and I was actually getting ready to start sing-" Mist stopped, frowning when she heard Kara starting to growl. "Oh dear…" she giggled, not looking worried at all.
Lassic and Hayate both simply stared in shock, blinking wide-eyed in terror as they saw Kara's mouth open wide right behind the small catgirl, which only seemed to make her giggle more. "A-Are you insane Kara?? Don't eat her! You'll kill her!" Lassic shouted in distress.
"Kara, don't do it! Don't eat your lover!" Hayate squealed. They both gaped in horror as Mist waved, completely nonchalant as she found herself being set down in Kara's immense humid maw, sitting calmly on her tongue as Kara moved the little kitty to her throat with a flick of her tongue. Outside, Hayate and Lassic gasped in collective shock, going pale with fright as they saw Mist's faintly wriggling bulge travel down Kara's throat, disappearing at the collar bone. They both took a step back in terror as Kara smiled.
"Sorry for the suddenness, but I'll let you out later, I promise Mist," the big cat murmured, smiling as she rubbed her stomach.
"KARA!!! Why'd you eat her!? Let her out before you digest h-" Hayate started to shout when he heard echoing from her stomach.
"It's ok Hayate, really! I'm fine! I'm not going to die in here!"
"Oh god, she's in denial! Hayate, hurry, get some anti-acid tablets!" Lassic yelped, grabbing his own head as he felt himself panicking.
"Denial? But Lassic, we're not in Egypt…" Hayate muttered, scratching at his ear in response.
"NOT IMPORTANT! Get some tablets before-"
"Lassic! I'm ok, really! Just calm down and listen to Kara while she talks, ok? I'm gonna take a nap…" Mist murmured, still audible from the big stomach. Despite the doubtless dark, humid, and wet confines she was in, Mist seemed to fall asleep right away, to the boys reckoning.
"Nooooooooo!!!!!"
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Comments: 20
Mindless-Spctr [2010-07-04 04:10:25 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
I ought to bash your head in for forgetting the first rule of story telling; each character gets their own paragraph. When Mist is telling the others about herself, Kara interrupts her in the same paragraph. This is a cardinal sin in writing, one you would do well to remember in the future.
Do not think that I'm nit-picky. No, no, I am a grammar nazi when it comes to stories. These kinds of mistakes are very serious as far as I'm concerned and it must be clipped in the bud right away. The sooner I let you know, the easier it'll be for you to spot and correct it yourself.
All in all, I do like how this is going. I do feel you could have spent a little more time describing things but you can rest easy that it is enough to satisfy me for now. You did well but don't pat yourself on the back too hard, I'm always lurking in the shadows.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
kira-onichigura [2011-02-25 00:27:50 +0000 UTC]
Hey! I would love for you to join and share your Original character literatures! This group just got adopted and we are trying to bring the fun back into the club by a wide range of original literature people! It would be an honor for us if you would join!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
daimondstrike In reply to kira-onichigura [2011-02-25 01:07:26 +0000 UTC]
Sure, send me an invite. :3 I'll be happy to sign up! If you need any contributors, I'll be glad to help out there as well. ~_^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Kuja48 [2010-07-27 12:53:11 +0000 UTC]
>.> Misty nuuuu!!!
I did love the reaction by Hayate and Lassic XD its like " Wait shes not food, dont!"
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
PrincessKooh [2010-07-15 05:52:35 +0000 UTC]
Lol 4 hours and yet i find no errors and in this case random works XD at least you gave us more kara
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
AmethystMuse [2010-07-05 19:15:37 +0000 UTC]
No problem with randomness. Sometimes it works well in a story or RP. By the way, wanna RP with me? I don't think I've asked you yet.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
daimondstrike In reply to AmethystMuse [2010-07-06 02:43:13 +0000 UTC]
Sure, I don't see why not. You got MSN?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AmethystMuse In reply to daimondstrike [2010-07-07 01:03:53 +0000 UTC]
Yes, but it's not up-to-date. Do you have Yahoo?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
daimondstrike In reply to AmethystMuse [2010-07-07 01:54:56 +0000 UTC]
No, sadly. I'm strictly an MSN user.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AmethystMuse In reply to daimondstrike [2010-07-07 02:03:49 +0000 UTC]
Well, we could RP on the coment or the notes. There's also the Chat room that we can use that's on here, too.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
daimondstrike In reply to AmethystMuse [2010-07-07 02:31:08 +0000 UTC]
We have a chatroom? I never knew that.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
AmethystMuse In reply to daimondstrike [2010-07-07 02:32:52 +0000 UTC]
I do. It's called Emeraldmidnight. here's the link:
[link]
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Indiewayne [2010-07-04 15:16:50 +0000 UTC]
Yes, random indeed. And, unless the next chapter saves it, somewhat pointless oO
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
JoeyTheNeko [2010-07-03 22:31:19 +0000 UTC]
very interesting. can I ask we RP on notes sometime? and I want to see if the next chapter is as random as this one, randomness is lol.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Lassic In reply to daimondstrike [2010-07-04 11:40:48 +0000 UTC]
because i'm no writer like you
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
daimondstrike In reply to Lassic [2010-07-05 07:17:07 +0000 UTC]
Personally, I really think I took far too long.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0