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daimy — asphyxia
Published: 2006-04-16 20:28:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 271; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 7
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Description looking to your eyes
my sea hears your voice
your words heal
the wound they made before

sometimes a whisper
will make me drown in you
sometimes a scream will
make me burn in you

twirling water that asks
where is that i can't see
deep beyond your next lie
where is that you won't say

asphyxia in my mind
my sky prays for yours
your rain feels
unreal as my time falls

sometimes two leaves
will fall to drown in you
sometimes simply
all colors burn in you

knocking at your door asks
where is that i can't see
you and me for my life
who is that i can't find?

do i know where you live
is that faccade of now
fairy spell for our lives
is it you that i love?
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Comments: 9

Beneath-Me [2008-10-15 05:24:41 +0000 UTC]

is it you that i love?

or just me there above?


._.

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jessedee [2006-04-30 18:50:01 +0000 UTC]

alrightey, this poem has been waiting a while in my box. it's time to tell you what I think about it.
I like it. it's good. I think you've managed to express the idea of asphyxia very well, in the first 5 stanzas, with that idea of two melting into one, and becoming more than one. then, in the last 2 stanzas, the questions, add more strength to the idea. also, the language flows nicely.
you're on the good road
and a :fav:

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daimy In reply to jessedee [2006-04-30 19:36:23 +0000 UTC]

wow, thanks much!
thank you for the fav too.

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poison-girl-13 [2006-04-17 01:30:28 +0000 UTC]

aaa te odiooo! (eso entra en "advance critique"?jaja) ...es demasiado lindo! (mentira que te odio, lo aclaro por las dudas ) no puede ser que escribas tan bien en ingles. Me gusta que tus poemas sean tan extraños... alguna vez leiste las letras de Placebo? me hacen acordar a eso... sos una genia. te voy a poner en "favourite writer" jajaja

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daimy In reply to poison-girl-13 [2006-04-18 12:12:40 +0000 UTC]

ajjaj noo sos la peor OO ni se te ocurra pero NI SE TE OCURRA (??) algo como ponerme en favourite writer..
a mí me recuerdan a flowing tears, a veces ..
nunca me puse a leer las letras de placebo. salvo una vez ke leí special needs xq un amigo se lo escribió en el brazo ._.

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poison-girl-13 In reply to daimy [2006-04-20 00:32:33 +0000 UTC]

pobrecito tu amigo
sisi soy lo peorrr y no hay nada que puedas hacer para evitarlo jajaj

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daimy In reply to poison-girl-13 [2006-04-20 21:47:22 +0000 UTC]

ké pobrecito? estúpido ..estaba marcándoselo en el brazo con no sé ké cosa cortante (como raspando.. no llegaba a cortarse) en frente de todos y yo mirando con cara de .. no sé.. te odio ><

pensá lo ke kieras, ninia rosa

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daimy In reply to daimy [2006-04-22 22:30:52 +0000 UTC]

jaja, sos la nina rosa de lazos azules, te acordás?
(no importa igual, no significa nada demasiado importante)

sep.. blah, no sé

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poison-girl-13 In reply to daimy [2006-04-21 01:55:46 +0000 UTC]

...



ninia rosa?
no sabia en que circunstancias lo habia hecho....




bah

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