HOME | DD

Description
Briarrabbit3010 SapPine TottalyCatArtzz , please read this.
lately, I have been going through things. My social anxiety has increasingly gotten worse, and it’s getting hard to breathe. Nothing that people at school are saying is helping. Trust me. You’re just making this worse.
if you’re confused, know that this is mainly a message for my friends. I just keep getting more and more stressed out, it’s not helping. Seriously. You’re just making it worse on me.
sometimes, I want to cry. But I can’t. I got into this habit of hiding my feelings all the time. It’s like I’m not even myself sometimes, and I get distracted easily, or stare off into the distance. My school grades are getting low. I’m getting too stressed out, and I fear that I have nothing left sometimes.
I know that I have people who like me in my life, but my brain won’t let me think of those things; it grasps onto the bad things. I’m drowning in my thoughts all day, and it’s hard to keep some emotions down. I keep pushing them down, farther and farther into my brain, and my brain keeps doing that over and over and over.
I feel emotions, but I have lots of trouble expressing them. And it’s too bad, because I’m going to have to live with it. The therapist starts in February. I can’t wait that long.
Can we not discuss any of this at school? It only keeps getting it worse, like I’m carrying heavy books, and you keep adding on more and more.
I feel like I can’t escape, and my body doesn’t want to eat. It’s punishing itself. I did this to myself, and I need to- do stuff to myself to help me learn. That’s what my brain says, all the time.
does it have to circle back to guava? Why even bring that up? Don’t be like her, you say. Why? Why even bring that up if you know that I’m friends with her? That doesn’t help either. It’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable to be near you guys when you talk about guava and sly fox. I don’t even know why you guys hate them.
if you have gotten to this part, thank you for reading this.
I also think that you underestimate me. I know I seem innocent and unscarred, but again, this is my body hiding my emotions. I smile to hide the hurt. I smile to hide my anxiety. I smile to hide everything. Most things don’t scar me, and when you tell me not to do anything, or watch anything that you think is too scary or gore-y for me, it makes me feel like you are taking control of me.
I feel like you care a lot about me. I know that you guys do. And I get why you are trying to stop me. I know that I need to. But I don’t know how.
Please know that I will not talk about this at school. It’s much easier to type out things than say it in real life.
I also feel like I’m a tag-along. You keep talking, and when I try to join the conversation, either nobody listens to me, or they are ignoring me. I feel left out.
I need to escape the world sometimes, but it all circles back in my mind. I hope you understand, and I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings. I don’t mean it that way. You’re right. This isn’t me. I confess that I do need help. I just don’t know how. I have been getting false information. I hope you understand that you are my friends, and I’m sorry if I worry you. I don’t want you guys to feel uncomfortable around me, and I know that I need to stop. I’m trying, I really am. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m trying to become better for you, without feeling like I have to change myself so much that I can’t recognize who I am. I don’t want to lose my friends.

~leaving for a while, Abyss

Snazzy, I promise.

Description
Briarrabbit3010 SapPine TottalyCatArtzz , please read this.
lately, I have been going through things. My social anxiety has increasingly gotten worse, and it’s getting hard to breathe. Nothing that people at school are saying is helping. Trust me. You’re just making this worse.
if you’re confused, know that this is mainly a message for my friends. I just keep getting more and more stressed out, it’s not helping. Seriously. You’re just making it worse on me.
sometimes, I want to cry. But I can’t. I got into this habit of hiding my feelings all the time. It’s like I’m not even myself sometimes, and I get distracted easily, or stare off into the distance. My school grades are getting low. I’m getting too stressed out, and I fear that I have nothing left sometimes.
I know that I have people who like me in my life, but my brain won’t let me think of those things; it grasps onto the bad things. I’m drowning in my thoughts all day, and it’s hard to keep some emotions down. I keep pushing them down, farther and farther into my brain, and my brain keeps doing that over and over and over.
I feel emotions, but I have lots of trouble expressing them. And it’s too bad, because I’m going to have to live with it. The therapist starts in February. I can’t wait that long.
Can we not discuss any of this at school? It only keeps getting it worse, like I’m carrying heavy books, and you keep adding on more and more.
I feel like I can’t escape, and my body doesn’t want to eat. It’s punishing itself. I did this to myself, and I need to- do stuff to myself to help me learn. That’s what my brain says, all the time.
does it have to circle back to guava? Why even bring that up? Don’t be like her, you say. Why? Why even bring that up if you know that I’m friends with her? That doesn’t help either. It’s extremely awkward and uncomfortable to be near you guys when you talk about guava and sly fox. I don’t even know why you guys hate them.
if you have gotten to this part, thank you for reading this.
I also think that you underestimate me. I know I seem innocent and unscarred, but again, this is my body hiding my emotions. I smile to hide the hurt. I smile to hide my anxiety. I smile to hide everything. Most things don’t scar me, and when you tell me not to do anything, or watch anything that you think is too scary or gore-y for me, it makes me feel like you are taking control of me.
I feel like you care a lot about me. I know that you guys do. And I get why you are trying to stop me. I know that I need to. But I don’t know how.
Please know that I will not talk about this at school. It’s much easier to type out things than say it in real life.
I also feel like I’m a tag-along. You keep talking, and when I try to join the conversation, either nobody listens to me, or they are ignoring me. I feel left out.
I need to escape the world sometimes, but it all circles back in my mind. I hope you understand, and I’m sorry if this hurts your feelings. I don’t mean it that way. You’re right. This isn’t me. I confess that I do need help. I just don’t know how. I have been getting false information. I hope you understand that you are my friends, and I’m sorry if I worry you. I don’t want you guys to feel uncomfortable around me, and I know that I need to stop. I’m trying, I really am. Please don’t take this the wrong way. I’m trying to become better for you, without feeling like I have to change myself so much that I can’t recognize who I am. I don’t want to lose my friends.

~leaving for a while, Abyss

Snazzy, I promise.