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DarlingDisaster — Skeleton
Published: 2010-02-24 04:23:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 952; Favourites: 27; Downloads: 5
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Description
I love to watch your skeletonAs it lives beneath your skin
Your ribcage pushing outwards
While you try to breathe me in.
We can't get much closer
Than the connecting of our hips
And the conversation of our tongues
Behind connected lips.
I'm content with lying
In the corners of your arms
Until the world dissolves us
And our souls take to the stars.
Comments: 27
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really nice.
the second para's the best, if you ask me
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well thank you very much
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I like the way you change the atmosphere with each stanza; it starts kind of bizzare, takes a very active turn in the second and slows down in the (very romantic) last part. The second stanza is my favorite, it's so vivid it breathes fire!
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wow i really like this and how you phrased it, its really cool
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I love the flow of the piece. Every line rolls into the other easily.
The imagery is creative, not cliched.
"And the conversation of our tongues
Behind connected lips" - what a great line.
The piece shows a thoughtfulness of craft, shows that you werent just a rambling a litany of dark pain.
Thanks!
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Thanks, I appreciate the comment.
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Nice and simple i can't say i complain and the imagery is just right, leaving just enough to the imagination to warrant the reader to beg for more
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thanks so much
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This is my first literature favourite, I think.
I really love the rhyme in this, especially in the first stanza. It's nice when rhyme isn't forced or contrived.
I like it a lot. You must really love this person, it shows in your writing.
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Well I am definitely honored, and thanks so much for the meaningful comment.
And you're right, he's incredibly important to me. If you knew him, you'd understand why in a heartbeat.
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awh thank you so much
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