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Darzall β€” Reality: Chapter One
#magic #alternateuniverse #chapter #dragon #dragons #dragontf #fantasy #fiction #literature #newlife #reality #shortstory #transformation #wyvern #tfstory #tfstories #tfdragon #dragontfstory
Published: 2014-10-27 03:45:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 11739; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 0
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Description *Reality: Chapter One (Dragon TF)*
*An Interesting Day*

Please keep in mind this was my first story so go easy on it, enjoy

[12:00:00 PM] James: text --> *Skype Message*
James: "text" --> *Speech*
Darzall: 'text' --> *Telepathy* (Or a thought when, 'text', is seen)

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We go though our lives oblivious to the world around us, reality is relative...
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James was a dreamer from a very young age, it was one of the main reasons he decided to become an animator. One night after work he decided to take a short cut home through an old alleyway situated next to his workplace. It was a series of long winding paths with multiple out-coves and alternate roots, one could get very easily get lost in there if they did not pay attention, and because of this most people tended to stay clear of it (Well law-abiding people at least).

As he was walking through the alley he noticed three dark figures standing off in one of the many alcoves, 'Probably some crack-heads hoping to get lucky', this thought made him pick up his pace. The three figures stopped whatever they were doing and just stared at him until he had passed by, afterwards James swore they had been taking about him. The rest of his trip was uneventful but even so he couldn't get those people out of his head. He decided it was not worth worrying about and got to work on his latest project.

He had always been fascinated by fantasy and the stories associated with it. His friend, Hunter, was a programmer and had offered him a side job helping to animate a game he was working on. This was the first project his friend had been involved in so the story was rather generic, well except for one thing. It was a light-fantasy title were everything one might consider magic was carefully written to appear as plausible in the real world as possible. The main character was an orphan who was taken in by an exiled knight, again rather run of the mill. The catch is, when the orphan grows up it is relieved to him that he was not really an orphan but instead a dragon who's parents had left to the knight for protection.

Most of the animating was done except for the dragon and the dragon's transformation. James was having trouble creating a realistic animation, being that he had little to base it off of. He had spent months working on it trying to prefect the perfect animation and Hunter was starting to get frustrated. He had given James a dead-line for the end of month to get the animations finished. The model was almost done, then he just had to work on animating it and fitting it into the game. Although before he could begin he received a message from Hunter,

[7:16:08 PM] Hunter: sup
[7:18:45 PM] James: just got home, what do you want?
[7:19:17 PM] Hunter: talk?
[7:21:05 PM] James: can it wait please
[7:21:58 PM] Hunter: no
[7:22:34 PM] James: fine, give me a sec

James grabbed his headset and threw it on, 'Why the hell does he want to talk now? I need to get these stupid animations finished', was all that went though James' mind. A few minutes later he received a call from Hunter,

James: "What do you want Hunt?",

Hunter: "Hello to you too",

James: "I'm not in the mood, can you just tell me what you want? I got work to do so I can go to bed",

Hunter: "Touchy aren't we?",

James: "I'll ask again, what do you want?"

Hunter: "FINE, I'm "sorry", I just thought I would tell you I got your animation package and just wanted to congratulate you, that's all".

James: "Umm....?",

James just sat back and stared at the screen scratching his head, 'Did I send him something by mistake'.

James: "I didn't send you anything, bro. I haven't even gotten to animating it yet",

Hunter: "Yes you did, I got it right here, look",

James looked at Hunter's screen capture and although it was lagging quite a bit he could see a near perfect animated dragon, it was like someone had pulled it out of his dreams. After a while he snapped out of what could only be described as a trance and said,

James: "That looks like my model but I never got around to animat...".

James was cut short because at that moment all the power in his house went out. When he spun around he saw three hooded figures staring at him, they began to speak in a hissing voice that made James very un-easy.

Hooded Figure Two: "Yesssss, look what we have here",

Hooded Figure Three: "Now we were worrying you wouldn't sssshow up",

Hooded Figure Two: "Do you like the animation, my brother here worked very...hard on it",

Hooded Figure One: "I ssssaw your work on the digital web page called Your-Tube and basssed it off that",

James nearly fell out of his chair, 'What the fuck, what the fuck, did they follow me home', upon thinking that he felt a sharp pain in his head,

Hooded Figure Two: 'We can here you know?',

James: "How the...".

Before James could finish, one of the figures punched him in the gut knocking him out. When he came to he found himself in the back of a moving van chained to the wall, 'Why do I deserve this? I never did anything wrong to these people', the van was pitch black and James couldn't see ten centimetres in front of him. Both his feet and arms were chained to the side of the van, it must have looked like some kind of medieval torture method. Some time passed (James couldn't be sure how much) before the van came to a screeching halt.

He heard a group of guys, girls, he still couldn't really tell only they had the same hissing voice as his attackers. It sounded like they were arguing about a block in the road although he could barely make it out. A few seconds later the van flipped over on its side leaving James hanging in the air. He was sure he heard gunfire followed by the most ear-wrenching screams he had ever heard. After a while the doors to the van flung open and James was blinded by the light for a few seconds.

When he could see again a man in a black trench coat and a large rimmed western style hat was standing in the entryway. The man threw probably the weirdest gun James had ever seen aside and began unlocking his chains, when the last of the chains was unlocked James fell face first into the ground. The man helped him up and then said,

Mysterious Stranger: "That looked like it hurt. You aright?",

As soon as he got up James ran out the door as fast as he could. He kept running for what seemed like hours, never looking back, before face-planting straight into a tree. This time when he came to he was in the back of a Jeep with bandages around his head. When he looked to see who was driving he saw the strange man who had saved his life. James jumped up and tried to run but before he could the man turned around and hand-cuffed him to the side of the car.

Mysterious Stranger: "Next time don't go running off, I'm not your enemy",

James: "Easy for you to say, you aren't the one cuffed to the side of a car",

Mysterious Stranger: "True, but like I said before I don't want you running off again so just stay put.",

When James looked over at the clock in the car it said 11:37 AM, 'How long have I been out, and who the hell is this guy'. Once again, although less painful this time, James felt a sharp pain in his head,

Mysterious Stranger: 'You can call me Darzall and look before you say anything. Yes I can read your mind, and no I'm not working with those...things',

James nearly had a heart attack, he tried desperately to get out of the cuffs but to no prevail. Darzall simply looked over at James and shook his head, he then reached over and turned on some music. As they continued to drive James couldn't help but admire the scenery, his city was located in the centre of a valley surrounded by mountains and a forest. Living within the city one rarely has time to stop and observe the beauty around them. The rest of the ride was for the most part un-eventful (As un-eventful as kidnapping can be) and when the two of them arrived it was nearly 3:30 PM. They got out at an old cabin on the top of one of the mountains over looking James' city.

Darzall pulled out the weird gun again and un-cuffed James, he then lead him into the cabin. When they got inside Darzall set the gun down and locked the door behind them. Seeing an opportunity James grabbed the gun and pointed it at Darzall. When he turned around it almost looked like he was amused.

Darzall: "Now then, what do we have here, and I thought you a chicken",

James: "Wha...what do you want with me and who were those people back there!",

Darzall: "First things first, put down that weapon and eat something. After, I will answer your questions",

After hearing this, James realized he was indeed hungry. He reluctantly walked over to an old chair in the corner of the room and set the gun next to it. Darzall watched as James put the gun down and after he had turned back around Darzall walked over to a metal frame bed and lifted up a board underneath reviling a satchel. He set the satchel on an old table and pulled two MREs out of it. He slid one across the floor over to James and they began making their own meals. James finished first and just sat on the chair staring at Darzall trying to piece together what had happened while Darzall finished eating.

First he takes a short cut home and sees some strange looking characters along the way, then next thing he knows they kidnap him and chain him to a van. Then this strange man he had never met similarly kills all his captors by himself and takes him to a old shack on the side of some mountain. All that James could (For the most part) wrap his head around, what he could not understand is why they kidnapped him in the first place and what this Darzall what's from him?

After finishing his meal Darzall picked up his mess and placed it in a fireplace situated in-between himself and James. Afterwards he walked over to the satchel and grabbed a bottle of alcohol from it and poured it onto the garbage. He then took off his hat and placed it on the bed before waking back over to the fireplace and leaning down next to it. What happened next put James into a frenzy, Darzall took a deep breath and opened up his mouth but instead of air coming out a great flood of blue flames came out. James grabbed the gun and ran over to the door trying to smash it down. Noticing this Darzall stood up slowly and took a key out of his pocket.

Darzall: "You know that the key is right here, right?",

James: "Your...a monster...stay away from me!",

Darzall: "That is no way to treat your host. Just sit down and we can talk about this",

James slammed his head against the door and sighed but when he turned around to face Darzall, his gaze was greeted by two dark blue reptilian eyes, James dropped the gun onto the floor and slid down against the door in a haze.
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Comments: 11

Enerin [2014-11-17 07:29:51 +0000 UTC]

One thing that really put me off is how you did conversations. I get the digital one, and somewhat the phone call, but the rest should really follow a more book-style sort like "[speech]" he said. It's hard to get pulled in when you have that big bold text suddenly appearing

But, apart from that this is a really good start. Moved a bit quickly but your details are solid and I could tell where you really put work into the details

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Darzall In reply to Enerin [2014-11-17 22:27:15 +0000 UTC]

I have always struggled with writing dialog in stories and that might be because I have preferred movies/games over the written word until very recently.Β The funny thing is I had someone tell me the conversations kinda looks like a script. However,Β I will probably keep this conversation style for this story in order to keep it consistent but I might try doing it the "classic" way when I start my next one.

As for moving too quickly, I really wanted to get to the meat of the story which is the dragon resistance and James' role in all of that. My initial draft had the first chapter split into two separate sections and the third (now second) chapter not exist at all but then I thought it moved too slowly.
That is how it always seems with me, either something is too much or just not enough and that makes me frequently over-do thingsΒ 
Β 
Thanks for your comment, always glad to to receive feedback

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Enerin In reply to Darzall [2014-11-18 07:55:47 +0000 UTC]

Scriptlike is a good way to describe the format, but I can't say that I've tried to write one of those. But there's always editing, best of luck on all of that

Pacing is something everyone struggles with, the trick is to find the moment when you give just enough information about the characters for a reader to care, and then throw stuff like that at them. You'll get better with practice, and happy to give some comments

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

Riamorr-Welenth [2014-11-07 21:22:53 +0000 UTC]

Great work! I like how you try to go for how people would react (not that the other transformation stories are unrealistic, but this has a degree of realism to it I like - I can imagine meeting James on the street). I look forward to how it progresses!

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Darzall In reply to Riamorr-Welenth [2014-11-07 21:37:49 +0000 UTC]

I have had other people say that, James does get more comfortable with his situation, and with Darzall , as the story progresses farther. Not sure if his adjustment is too quick yet, we will see.

Appreciate your feedback , next chapter should be coming out on Sunday.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Riamorr-Welenth In reply to Darzall [2014-11-07 21:49:48 +0000 UTC]

Ah good, good. I look forward to everything.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

saim-kurom [2014-10-28 18:53:10 +0000 UTC]

i like the beginning, and how James is freaking out.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Darzall In reply to saim-kurom [2014-10-28 20:29:31 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for adding my story to your collection, I tried to imagine how someone would react to a situation like this. Many TF stories I read have the characters reacting in often weird ways, not to say that it isn't entertaining sometimes

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

saim-kurom In reply to Darzall [2014-10-28 21:54:45 +0000 UTC]

very entertaining

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0

zellexe [2014-10-28 00:12:00 +0000 UTC]

Great beginning, I can't wait to read more.

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 1

Darzall In reply to zellexe [2014-10-28 00:14:58 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the comment, glad you enjoyed

πŸ‘: 0 ⏩: 0