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davidfoxfire — 2013-10-25-Trust but Research
Published: 2013-10-26 03:11:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 1141; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 9
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foxfirestudios.net/johnnybriz/…Thanks go to Pory for the improved dialogue. Much better than what I had to spit out on the spur of the moment, and I can lead this conversation into the next page, and scene.
Thanks also go to JXT for the keyboard model (sketchup.google.com/3dwarehous… ) I used for this page, because it was better than any keyboard I could ever draw, either by hand or on a draw program.
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Comments: 5
I think I'll start to leave comments on dA from now on. I'm not going to give any serious critique on the art. That's Herb and Pory's department.
For me, the word "Break-In" reminds me of the (in)famous first line of Rangers of NIMH. Once you get past the grammar issues and lack of proofreading of that story, I found it to actually be pretty funny. There has been times where I considered doing a crack fic like that where there are random shout outs and references to whatever comes to mind for the sake of comedy. I also contemplated making a spiritual successor fanfic called "The Throwback of Johnny Briz" at times.
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There are parts where I can't seem to get away from. (In fact, the words were a revised version from Pory, mine were a bit more shout-outy) At least I can say that I won't have to worry about stuff like this for a while. A long while, I hope. The two vets conversation is going to transition into the next scene and some much better stuff, in my humble opinion.
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So I take it that the whole "Break-IN" line was not intended to be a mythology gag.
You did understand that the whole grammar issues and lack of proofreading statement was refering to Rangers of NIMH and not this comic? This comic reads better, especially with the help of Pory. I will say it would be a good idea to not use too many shout-outs in works you are serious about like this one. Well anyway, here's hoping that the next scene will be better like you said.
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If I wanted to throw back to the old fics, I would have put in a sub-header saying 'investigators were following leads regarding break-ins' or something. If I remember correctly, there will actually BE a 'mythology gag' coming up sometime during the comic. It will be obvious, but it won't overstay its welcome and it won't be a major plot point. Just a one-off little nod to in-universe continuity.
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The headline was purely coincidental, to be honest. I wanted to keep the story on-task, and something akin to lab mice being 'stolen' with no signs of foul play did just that; It calls back to the origins of Johnny's village and keeps the story he told Darryl and Dr. Tyler off-camera truthful.
I think what he's trying to tell you David, is that it's better to have an idea before you start working, rather than fill in the holes with random shout-outs and references to seemingly random things. The original dialogue was going on about comic books and praising the almighty Internet; something that was off-topic and best removed in its entirety.
Let's try to keep the dialogue on-task without my direct intervention next time; Submit the script first, along with what your intent is. That way, I can get an insight into your thought process and we can have a dialogue about what's happening before it gets to the final editing stages.
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