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ddrcoke21 — She Wants
Published: 2008-12-01 03:10:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 61; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 3
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Description
She's skipping her favorite country songsShe's replaying them in her head;
She's singing Whiskey Lullabies
To herself at night,
She's singing Our Song
To herself in the afternoon.
She can't take this anymore
She doesn't want this anymore,
She wants to live in Nashville,
Sitting at a bar, kicking off her boots
Taking off her hat and chilling with the juke.
Her favorite slogan is It's Five O' Clock Somewhere.
She square dances the night away
She goes to the rodeo alone
She gulps down margaritas and shots of tequila.
She doesn't have a fear or a clue,
Because she's living in her fantasy
Where the dirt is gold and the skies are blue
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Comments: 4
You listen to country?
Did you put in the names of different songs on purpose? Very Clever
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I sometimes do, but it's mostly my mom who does.
And yeah.
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I liked this. The characterization is good and I like your concept, and the repetition actually works really well [not an easy thing to accomplish!]
One thing that bugs me is that I'm not sure how this is supposed to flow. It kind of works without punctuation but you should put in a little bit. I don't mean go crazy and put a comma at the end of every line, but a comma or period here and there would help a lot. If you read this aloud you'll notice there isn't anywhere to pause. You need to be able to pause. First of all, so that it can be read aloud. Second of all, so that you give your reader some time to absorb what you're saying.
third line "sing" -> "singing"
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Thank you so much for the constructive criticism![:
I'll definitely take it into heavy consideration.
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