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TRANSCRIPT OF THE BLOOM PHARMACEUTICAL ANNUAL SCIENTIST SUMMIT, JANUARY 2015

C.E.O. Dr. Richard Bloom III:

        Welcome, everyone, welcome to the Bloom Annual Scientist Summit of 2015!

        (applause)

        Because of the amount of new employees we have hired as of late, I believe it is necessary to extend this introduction further to accomodate the fresh meat.

(laughter)

Before I begin, I'd like to extend another warm welcome to all of the new scientists on board!

(applause)

Here at the Bloom Annual Scientist Summit, or B.A.S.S. for short, we discuss your assignments. We tie up loose ends from the assignments nearing completion, monitor the progress of ongoing assignments, and most importantly, present our goals for new assignments.
First things first. I am proud to announce, just in time for the new year and the resolutions that come with it, the release of our brand new, over the counter, astonishingly effective weight loss drug, Thinzor!

        (applause)

Yes, a big round of applause to the teams responsible for the creation of this miracle drug. They have truly done their part in fulfilling the missioin statement that is Bloom's motto: "You take the happiness, we'll take care of the pursuit."
Now onto ongoing assignments. As many of you know, we are currently in the process of developing a new kind of antidepressant that does not require the person to have a genuine mental illness in order to feel its effects. The person only needs to have a desire to be happier in order to take the drug.
The drug is currently still in the trial stages of development, but it is already demonstrating promising results. But, for the sake of scientific validity and confidentiality, I cannot disclose any further information at this time until more progress is made.
And last but certainly not least, your new assignment for the year. This, we believe, is the most important assignment in the history of science.
This has never been done before, and only Bloom Pharmaceuticals was brave enough to take the challenge.
Humans are made up of three parts: the mind, the body, and the soul. In the world of pharmaceuticals, our focus has only been on two of these parts: the mind and the body. But never before has anyone dared to venture into the murky waters of the human soul…until us.
It is up to us, my friends; it is our sole responsibility to accomplish what has never been done before, perhaps the goal most important to all of humankind: making humanity complete.

Scientists, it is your job to find the key that unlocks the door to the treatment of the diseases of the soul.

A big thanks to all, and I will see you again next year.