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Published: 2014-03-02 20:39:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 1246; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 0
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Prologue“DANNY!”
That’s all the halfa heard before it happened. A big boom was heard and a light so bright and beautiful cast over the city leaving every one and everything in it’s place.
Besides the halfa.
It was only painful for a second. Nothing more. Nothing less.
The halfa was ripped into two parts of himself. Both going separate ways in the dark dead world. Unknown of where they were going to land.
Chapter 1
It was so….so cold. The human half had landed in a snow land being buried under the snow. Shivers rushed up his body to his bone with crystallizing frost running through his blood. His body dyeing. But also re-birthing itself. His skin now blue. His body now made of the very frozen world.
His veins burning. Like he was on fire. It stung. The rocky floor hit his limp body unexpectdidly. His bones melting and his muscle turning to ash. His body becoming fire. His skin rottening and transforming to blue as well.
The ice boy awoke to the sound of fire. His blue eyes opening and looking through the snow. He sat up and looked around seeing a beast next to a fire staring into his soul. The boy tried to scream in terror. He wasn’t sure were he was. Or who he was. Instead he made odd noises with a confused but curious face.
In the beast’s mind something completely different wash working in his mind. They savior had come back. But something was off. His skin. His core. Was not the same. Whatever happened to this child was not normal.
“Nnng….I….gggghhhh” The young boy said trying to stand but immediately falling over by the beast’s feet.
“Oh my….” Frostbite gasped. Staring at the boy’s face.
All of a sudden the boy began to feel dizzy. He felt weak. And the next thing he knew he began to melt. The fire next to him. It was destroying his body. Killing him. Melting him into nothing. His eyes dropped passing out.
Frostbite quickly picked up the boy running to his village hoping to save his life.
Fire boy woke up to poking on his face. His gorgeous red eyes opening meeting face to face with a blonde haired, pajama dressed, fat boy who was….fat….
“WILL YOU BE MY FRRRIIIEEENNND!?” Klemper ask with a bright wide grin.
The fire boy just locked his eyes onto the strange being. He had no clue what the heck the thing was or who he was. In the matter of fact he knew nothing about anything.
“Uhhhhhh…” The fire boy gawked only to be grabbed and pulled into a nice big frost hug.
The boy blushed but smiled a little at the nice greeting. But then frowned as he felt a cold feeling on his bare skin. Frost began to eat him away. He shrieked out loudly struggling to get free but alast could not freezing away.
Skulker and Ember where flying through the Ghost zone. One a date of course. In fact the two had just gotten married a while ago. The day has just been so wonderful. Everything calm and romantic. Until a screech filled their heads. The quickly stopped looking around trying to find where they cry came from. Their eyes feel on a boy who looked just like- No….was it really the Phantom they knew so well from the battles? The dipstick that always shoved them in a thermos? The whelp they hated but yet were happy to battle with? What happened to him? But all those question were a blur when they heard another scream leaving him as he was freezing. Dyeing. Something clicked inside them. Something amazing but also dangerous.
Skulker raised his gun taking aim at Klemper shooting with all his might freeing the fire boy. Skulker then grabbing Klemper by the shirt raising him above the ground.
“H-HEY! LET GO!” Klemper screamed struggling.
“Stay away from the kid punk.” Skulker warned giving klemper that don’t mess with my kid look.
The fire boy shook in shock. Tears streaming down his face from fear.
“It’s ok kid” Ember said comfortingly. Pulling The fire boy into a hug rubbing his back. “Your ok” She added. Her fiery blue hair flowing down instead of her usual up look.
“C-Cold….” The fire boy gasped sniffling clutching to Ember.
“Shhh shhh.” Ember whispered leaving the fire boy gently to Klepmer. Her hair now flaming in rage and fury. “Listen creep. Mess with him again and your toast. GOT THAT!?” Ember hollered with a glare that would stop any body in their tracks with dead fear.
Klemper nodded with a whimper. Once he was set free from Skulker’s grasp he flew for his life far far far away. The two turned to the fire boy who sat there looking into their eyes with gratitude smiling slightly.
“T-Thank you.” The fire boy said shyly.
“No Problem kid. Hey…..would you like…to come with us?” Skulker asked.
“W-Where?” The fire boy asked standing on his feet stumbling slightly.
“Home.” Ember replied smiling.
The fire boy smiled with joy and nodded following the two home safe and sound. The frost on his skin melting away. His fire healing.
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Comments: 13
IvaBear [2015-01-03 11:41:09 +0000 UTC]
Sooooooo Are you gonna continue this? It looks like a good story to continue with. Good luck
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FoxyTeah [2014-03-03 09:39:40 +0000 UTC]
I can't help you with the editing, I deleted all my fics on here so I have no text to compare it to -__- There should maybe be an edit button somewhere on the right side of your text...
Otherwise, wow! That was fast! And you did it! I got like, at least 5 other dudes who said they'd write it, but you were the first who actually got a chapter out
Thanks so much for liking my story idea and acting on it
I'm gonna get critical now, but I don't wanna come off as unsatisfied, just critical Umm, okay so there are a few grammatical mistakes in here, could happen to anyone I guess. You could also add linebreaks, dA is very forgiving towards them so it won't cut them out if you just add a minus here or there. I'm also a bit... miffed about the beginning, since it wasn't explained that Danny accidentally acquired Vortex's polarization powers, which is what made him split up (by that episode he'd learned how to make clones, so he cloned himself without realizing he'd gotten the polarizing powers and the backlash of using an unknown power wrong caused an explosion that ripped a momentary portal into the Ghost Zone). Point is, it's the porization powers that made him split up. However, the beginning IS very vague, so if you explain it later on (though that would have to VERY much later on when everyone finds out about the two halves) it should be alright. Or leave it this way, for all I know you did it on purpose
Skulker and Ember are a bit OOC to me, and the story's moving a bit too fast. The halves were supposed to be slowly changing their appearance to a more ghostly one, and the Klemper scene wasn't supposed to happen until a few months into Hot being in S&E's (dubious) care, since the two of them were very wary and Phantom's (ex)enemies, but this is your version so if you want it that way, so be it. I didn't know ghosts could get married, and S&E somehow don't seem the type, but miracles can happen I guess xD
Anyway, bottom line. Thanks for writing it out The story is a bit different from how I imagined it, but that's okay since I'm not the one writing it. I did give people the choice to change things up a bit in their own versions of the story ^__^
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DemApples2598 In reply to FoxyTeah [2014-03-03 23:39:36 +0000 UTC]
I am 13 and have grammar problems here and there sorry. And yeah I plan to have Frostbite explain how Hot and Cold split up since he'll do tests on them but ENOUGH! No more spoilers XD And I was? Cool :3 And damn it. I was hoping to bull eye it with you. Though I got to excited and wanted to switch it up a little to get to action and romance before my hand started to cramp. And your welcome :3 And I'm sorry that it's different. I tried to guess on what you wanted since I wasn't completely understanding what you wanted. I hope it turns out ok. Though I'm questioning myself for a scene I want to do. What rates of pitch pearl do you read? R, M, K+, T+ I forgot some of the ratings but I think you get what I mean.
Though I am warning you for my own ideas of stories XD Beware. Pitch Pearl and I are best friends and I can go a bit wild XD
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FoxyTeah In reply to DemApples2598 [2014-03-05 00:33:00 +0000 UTC]
It's hard to pinpoint what I want unless you're living inside my mind xD I guess the main difference would be... more neutrality, ambiguity and stretching the storyline into infinity. Ya know, like making S&E not acknowledge any familial feelings towards Hot for like a year at least, or Cold being a block of ice that doesn't show any emotion (on the surface) while still being very compassionate... and NO, I am not saying you do this - you do whatever you want, I'm just saying I have this more... distant version in my head If I had my way and started writing this, I think the events from your chapter would have stretched into... 30k-40k words? I tend to overwrite things, and it takes so much time it's counterproductive
And dude, I read all rates of Pitch Pearl, but you will have to forgive me if I insist that a 13-year-old stays under the M rating in their writing xD No srsly, it would just weird me out if I read M-rated stuff in your story. Stay T or lower please, or imply but leave the actual M out :3
Go wild, it's your version It's a... 'verse of a 'verse? As long as my 'verse stays the source 'verse
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DemApples2598 In reply to FoxyTeah [2014-03-05 01:49:01 +0000 UTC]
No I wont put actually rated m parts XD And yes it is a bit odd but when it comes to pitch pearl :3 I read all rates of pitch pearl to. I love the fluff ones :3 And I kinda wanna make cold seem more alive a little an innocent and hot brave and strong and funneh XD BUT DAMN YOU THE SPOILERS KEEP COMING! XD Anything else you want me to put in it?
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FoxyTeah In reply to DemApples2598 [2014-03-09 14:25:20 +0000 UTC]
Pitch Pearl is an adorable and lovable pairing ^__^ and I get how that makes you wanna make Hot and Cold more adorable too There were barely any spoilers, no worry. And no, just go on with your version, nothing special comes to mind. Just remember that Cold will feel sick and weak once he's out of the Far Frozen, and Hot won't survive there unless Cold lights a fire for him (which he'll have to stay away from). Cold is supposed to be so-so knowledgeable about ghosts and their cores and stuff, since Frostbite surely got him tutors or something. Hot is more of a pop-culture ghost teenager, just picking up stuff as he goes along.
(Of course, this is also subject to change if you have a contradicting story plot in mind.)
(and also, sorry for late reply, but I really have some stuff going on IRL that shoves dA to the back of my mind)
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DemApples2598 In reply to FoxyTeah [2014-03-09 17:30:48 +0000 UTC]
Uh oh I don't know much about cores but I will make things up as I go along And I will add this to story. Ideas are flooding my brain
And thats ok sorry for a late chapter. I sometimes have to much home work from school or I'm a bit lazy but I will push myself to get chapter 2 going :3 And sorry if I rush some parts in the story. I like jumping to action. And I have a lot of action in my mind.
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FoxyTeah In reply to DemApples2598 [2014-03-09 18:18:42 +0000 UTC]
He doesn't have to be a scientific genius, just know how to recognize Hot's got a fire core, and that staying out in the cold would be very bad for him
And no prob, I don't think I even have the time to read right now. I'll check in ever now and then to see if there's updates, so it's not like it's gotta be done yesterday Thanks for writing it again
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DemApples2598 In reply to FoxyTeah [2014-03-11 00:18:46 +0000 UTC]
Your welcome :3 I shall get on chapter two soon just need motivation.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
DemApples2598 [2014-03-02 20:48:47 +0000 UTC]
I KNEW I SHOULD OF WAITED TO PUT A LINK FOR CHAPTER TWO! UGH! Anybody know how you can edit your uploads?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0