HOME | DD

Description
Awesome friends - family combat

Often times we find ourselves at odds with our relatives and- Aw screw the philosophical crap for this one. You know something? I hate my family. They really suck. So this one's dedicated to you, mom and bro. *Sticks out middle fingers*

*Derek transports into the main square of the cyber city. Tess sees him*

Tess: Hey Derek!
Derek: Oh... Hey Tess.
Tess: Why so glum, chum?
Derek: My mom and brother are giving me hell again. I just found out my mom has been spending more time on the internet. Like on forums and stuff. Do you know how horrifying that is? My mom spending time on the only place I can get away from her? She keeps sending me those stupid chain emails and yells at me for not responding. And my brother. Well. He beat me up again.
Tess: Dude, you're family is like, messed up. I'm not even kidding. Why don't you stand up to them?
Derek: Because every time I do they just make my life worse!
Tess: Well. We're gonna fix that Derek. *Dramatic closeup* /TONIGHT/!
Derek: What, how?
Tess: You said they are spending more time on the internet right? That means we can get to them from here!
Derek: But I am powerless!
Tess: ... You can control water and turn into a kick ass robot. How does that make you powerless?
Derek: You don't know my family like I know them... Ugh.
Tess: Derek, do you know what my power is?
Derek: Umm, you can... Fly?
Tess: Derek have you been paying attention during our talks like, at all?
Derek: Um... Yes?
Tess: ...
Derek: Okay most of the time I am but then I see a cool link to a funny video and I'm pretending to listen.
Tess: Well, I can change into any weapon ever. Plus some weapons you wouldn't think possible.
Derek: That's... Well, I'll be honest. That is badass.
Tess: I know right? Anyway, pick a weapon!
Derek: Hmm... Sword?
Tess: You got it! *Tess becomes a sword* I AM NOW THE BLADE OF YOUR FAMILY'S BANE!
Derek: Okay now I'm feeling confident. Look out JC, I'm coming after you first!

*The scene is the myspace city. Derek teleports there, with the Tessblade*

Tess: Where does he usually hang out?
Derek: Usually he's with his dumb pot smoking friends talking about how they're so super cool and anyone who doesn't hang out with them is super lame.
Tess: Ugh. Let's rip him a new one.
Derek: Man I've been waiting for this for awhile.
*Derek walks towards a back alley where his brother and friends are waiting*
JC: Derek, what the fuck do you think you're doing here? Get back to your gay art sites and never come around here again or I WILL kill you.
Derek: Fuck you JC! *Derek swings the Tessblade at all of his brother's friends, they disappear*
JC: Well... Fuck. Seeya Jackass.
Tess: Oh no you don't. BISCUIT DOUGH!
JC: Wait, biscuit what, what the fuck did that sword sa- OH MY GOD! *JC is crushed by Biscuit Dough*
Derek: That makes me feel so much better.
Tess: We still have to get your mom right? Where does she usually go?
Derek: This dumb horse website.
Tess: Oh of course. Horses. There'll probably be Orcs there too.
Derek: Wait. What? Orcs? Orcs on a horse website?
Tess: Horse websites tend to follow the lord of the rings trend in cyber space.
Derek: That's... Dammit.
Tess: It's okay, it's okay! You just need a better weapon.
Derek: Axe? *Tess becomes an axe.* Awesome.

*The scene is a middle earth style battlefield. There are monsters parading around on horses.*
Tess: Get ready!
Derek: I've been ready for 5 years. I have a lot of anger to work out!
*Derek goes on a roaring rampage of revenge, cutting down the entire army. He grabs a survivor*
Derek: WHERE IS MY MOM?
Orc: In ... In the fortress!
Derek: Oh, of course she's in the freaking fortress of death. That's... Super. Can you become a laser Cannon, Tess?
Tess: Of course! *Tess becomes a laser cannon*
Derek: Awesome. *Derek fires the Tess cannon at the fortress. The fortress crumbles and a dark shadowy figure flies out of it*
Tess: Is... Is that your mom?!
Derek: Yeah. You know, she looks less evil on the internet. Probably already figured out how to change how you look.
Tess: You mean she looks worse in real life?!
Derek: One look sends a chill down your spine. She's evil.
Tess: R-right. Anyway. We're gonna need something more powerful. Pick a good one!
Derek: Hmm... PEN!
Tess: Wait wha- *Tess becomes a pen*
Derek: Everyone knows the pen is mightier than the sword!
*Derek writes "YOU ARE BANNED" in big letters next to the figure of his mom. She disappears in a flash of light*

Tess: ... I am... Honestly very surprised something so simple could beat something so monstrous.
Derek: Yeah, well, now you see why I'm so afraid to stand up to them. But... You know. Thanks. They won't be coming back to the internet for awhile.
Tess: No problem. Can I... Can I go back to being me now?
Derek: Oh, right, sorry!
*Derek lets go of the Tess pen and she goes back to being Just Tess*

Tess: Ugh, my family is sending me bizarre messages.
Derek: *Devilish smile*