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DestinyBlue — Procrastination
Published: 2017-10-22 19:32:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 102721; Favourites: 6092; Downloads: 496
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Description
I'm just going to sit here and pretend to look busy...So I do procrastinate. Quite a bit. Daydreaming time away, and with digital art it's all too easy to slip online and get caught in the web.
I finished this drawing a week ago. That was before I knew.
When you go to the doctors about mental health issues, they do tests, make sure it's nothing physical. Okay, they told me, nothing else is wrong, you have a mental issue.
Then I went to the doctors about my difficult physical health. They did tests. Told me it was all in my head.
I went back and again, 'it's psychological' they said.
A few days ago I find out that isn't entirely true. They missed something, and my charts have not been read correctly.
It's my blood. It's not working properly, hasn't been for a year at least; not transporting the energy I need. Leaving me feeling dizzy, faint and fatigued. I knew I was tired, knew some days I could't move properly. But I thought, I was told, it was in my head.
It wasn't. It isn't... not all of it anyway.
If mental health is a black dog, I have a grey dog too. One on either side of me. This last year I have been getting better at taming the black beast, but the grey one has been clawing, biting my heals as I sort out the black.
The good news is that I will probably be able to overcome this physical thing more easily than the mental. I'm undergoing tests with a different doctor, which should root out the cause, and when that's found, there are treatment pathways. Sit, Stay, Roll Over.
I've felt a little like life has passed me by in the last year, like I have tried my hardest to connect, but I can't get in the house, just push myself against the cold windows and look in. Occasionally I can stand on the doorstep while the door is open, smell the cooking inside, hear voices talking excitedly, and I want to go in so badly, but can't quite get past the boundary.
Depression disconnects, and exhaustion obstructs. My two dark dogs have not made this year easy. But still, I ran a marathon, exhibited at conventions worldwide, but most importantly I survived.
I've been quiet online this year, as I've had a lot to deal with. I hope to make more noise soon 😊
It's looked a lot like I've been procrastinating. But it's mostly been resting. I drew this as catharsis, only to find things are different than I thought. And that's okay, this difference turned out to be good 😊
I will get better. My blood will work again. My brain will work again, and I will work again.
Peace, Love and Second Opinions,
Blue xx
I must extend thanks to my friend Amy, as I did some referencing from a photo of her to create a more realisticdrawing for this, it was a fun challenge to do something a little different
~~I'll be at London MCM this coming weekend, where I will have prints of this for sale ~As well as a special show timed exclusive print for you all!
Here's the series so far:
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Comments: 229
Do you drink a lot of milk? A few years ago I found out I'd been drinking too much of it and it was draining all the iron from my blood, making me lethargic. I had to eat bad-tasting pills for weeks.
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My mother suffers from borderline personality disorder and schizzoaffective disorder. When we started seeing a neurologist about some mysterious seizures I suddenly started having, he just kept telling my mother she was hysterical and that I was fine. Turns out though those odd seizures were being caused by a brain malformation, and by waiting until I went half blind to do anything about it that doctor almost got me killed from his negligence and bias. Doctors really need to learn that even if someone has real mental health issues that doesn't mean they can't know what they're talking about.
I'm glad you finally got that figured out Blue, and I'm wishing the best for you getting your energy back in the future.
As for feeling kinda bad about all of it, I feel like you're discounting some of the strides you've been able to make. Sure this year wasn't easy, but from what I've seen it looks like you've been able to deepen your understanding for all of this a lot. You may not feel like you've done much, and believe me I can understand that feeling, but I believe you've actually done a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for. And in terms of connection, I don't know if you really want to focus on connections with people you can actually go and physically meet up with, but if you would be willing to try to make a friend online I would love to try and be friends with you. I've wanted to for a long time, and I admit I'm not all that great with new people, but I want to try and I'd love if you'd give me that chance.
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i love it.. its so good i though it was a real life person. I love your art so much destiny
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Very nice piece! Probably my favorite so far! Best of luck taming the grey dog!
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Absolutely BEAUTIFUL work yet again from arguably my all time favorite artist.
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I'm so so glad you discovered the grey dog, and now you can recover. I'm so proud of you. And the art is so beautiful and realistic!
Stay marvelous!
Lots of love,
Penni
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I am very sorry you are going through all this. I wish there was some way to help. I wish doctors would listen and pay attention when you say something is wrong.
This piece is so very amazing! And so very different from other works I've seen from you. I do, however, seem to love nearly everything you post. The one or 2 pieces I don't 'love', I really like, so you are amazing.
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You're a brilliant artist and your struggles are a part of that brilliance!
The challenge going forward will be determining when you feel a bit, which dog is it? That's the difficulty of grey dogs, of which I've seen a few (not all mine).
You'll be okay though. Anyone who has the strength to put their struggle in the open has the strength to overcome!
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Trying to be less and less of a procrastinator myself. I think it's working?
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You are really strong, YOu have all my respect keeping strong and getting more positiv as you were when everything was down.
YOu are amazing and this drawing is beautiful!
Its okay to be quiet, YOU ARE the first thing and then the online community is important
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This could be me. Good luck with beating procrastination. I usually just procrastinate the things that try to make me procrastinate what I want to do.
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I really like this one! ^.^ I like how this feels like a different take from your usual style. Of course it's more photorealistic, but even the overall tone feels different. The eyes, the white background, even the highlight colours are a bit more subtle. Yet it still has your brushstrokes when looking up close.
Fantastic piece! Somehow i'd missed this one in my feed, and now here i am procrastinating trying to write this comment
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It's nice to hear that the case with your blood came to light.
The colors and shading look really nice and I like the lighting as well 
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My grandmother who died thanks to cancer got told by doctors that it was all in her head when she went to them to get treated. They thought that she had hypochondria and discovered what it really was after it spread through her entire body after doing some tests. I don't like it when doctors say that you are imagining things when you are feeling pain or there are real symptoms like getting dizzy, headache or something else. I'm glad that it wasn't too late for you and hope that things will become better.
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Amazing and inspiring story and art. Your positivity is always a blessing to have in my notifications and something to wait for, thank you.
And I wish you all the best
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I'm sorry to hear about the blood issues. It's disheartening to think that they kept missing this and told you it was all in your head. I know someone who has arthritis. They kept telling her it was in her head too, until the day she couldn't walk it was so bad. She's better now, but I'll never forget how they kept insisting "it's all in your head."
I'm glad you finally got a proper diagnosis. Here's hoping for an easy recovery. In any case, we've got your back!
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I'm definitely battling with the artist block ...I feel u
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Sadly procrastination can be a real bitch to deal with, not the best thing in the world to shake off in the long run.
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She looks a lot like Sally Field with a pen. That's a compliment, as I like Sally Field.
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Good morning dia dhuit Belle DestinyGoldSunshine. i am so sorry you are going thru this stuff. i am glad you are doing ok. i understand, rest is paramount for you as dealing with depression requires much rest and self-tlc'ing: baths, self-massage, self-pampering, self-loving actions, self-indulgence (when you feel like it, sometimes having any fun treats you like to eat or drink, like bubble bubble tea, or ice cream, warm deslish cocoa, caramelly coffee drink, pumpekin ginger-spice tea or ginger-avec-warm/hot water, warm comforting apple cider, apple dapple pie/pastries, strawberry sweetberry pie, sweetbread with tea or coffee, of course lots of veggies/lettuce/green leafy vegies and other healthy foods and soups etc you like to have as the main food, whatever your inner child/heart-soul craves in moderation is ay ok, any fun activities at home etc 
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Beautiful! It's excellent, a very nice job!
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This is such a lovely drawing Blue; I find your work to always be extraordinarily beautiful.
As for your physical problems, has the doctor suggested that the fatigue and faintness may be anemia?
I had it for quite a while and got put on iron pills, which seriously helped my energy become boosted and I was more attentive during the day! Hope you feel better Blue, and good luck on your mental and physical journeys <3
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What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger
You’re very strong and courageous according to me, as you never give up, even with all those hard things you’re currently facing! I simply know you will triumph at last
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Oh blue... I'm so proud of you.
Wish I could say more, but my own pack of dogs are currently drowning me, and so I have little energy to spare.
Love, Meg <3
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The colors and lighting effects are really just amazing. It's cute and it draws you in.
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I'm sorry you've been going through a lot. But hopefully you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and start to continue to push through life and get better. I truly love this artwork and I hope to see more!
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Dear Destinyblue
I'm glad your feeling better and that they were able to find out what was wrong, I've also been through a lot of hospital inpatient outpatient tests and stuff and had similar experiences. I try to keep telling myself that I'm ok and things will be get better even when I feel like quitting. It's ok to be quiet sometimes and come back to things later, even if people tell you that you're fine trust your gut it never lies.
From Laura
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You are here. It doesn't mean things are going to go back to the way they were before, but it counts. And not only have you survived, but you have pushed through and made beautiful things out of the dark places you have seen. That means so much to people who cannot see it for themselves.
Stay strong, Blue<3
(...also my grandfather was asking about this piece and he says hello)
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Even though you say you've been quiet this year, you've made such an impact regardless <3 Even if you don't say much, your art and your words still speak so loud <3
I love your art and your words and you, you're an amazing human.
You got this <3
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I'll motivate you. I'll boop your nose until you start drawing ......
That oughta get your blood boiling enough to draw! XD I tease but I do hope you're okay.
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Love the color palette on this one. Hope your tests and treatments go well!
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beautiful piece.
Take care of yourself and I will pray for you, if that's okay.
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Glad things are getting better for you.
Also hoping you feel much better soon
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...Glad to hear that you're doing better Blue! I have been anemic my entire life (iron-poor blood), so I can empathize with your situation--what you've described sounds like stuff I've been through over the years, so I'm curious if you have a similar diagnosis.
...Just know that we're all behind you, & that you're in our prayers!
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Great piece, Blue. I really do hope your blood based issue gets better. Also that imagery with the dogs might be something you should explore further. Maybe a piece about how when we have one problem in our face we tend to ignore the bigger "dog" growing right behind us.
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My first thought upon reading the title and seeing the picture, was that it sounded like a plan! And I meant that in a full on witty way. Reading on, I'm glad that you were able to get a reassessment, a second opinion on that physical.
Hope the test pay off soon, get that grey dog all washed off and closer to pure snow white again. When your physical health is better again, it'll be easier to deal with the black one.
Good luck! <3
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Amen. It's a beautiful work and a lovely portrait of a lovely person! Awhile ago I made this for you--I know you're very busy, just mentioning it for the little encouragement/uplift seeing it might give. -Debra
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Love the color scheme , it is so gorgeous ! you draw hands really good btw
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