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Published: 2015-06-01 17:21:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 34970; Favourites: 171; Downloads: 0
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I never expected the response I received by sharing my story and artwork about living with depression and anxiety:
www.facebook.com/DestinyBlue/p…
I couldn't have imagined I would get so much support, and hear from so many different people. I am so grateful and, truth be told, little overwhelmed. I've read every single comment (it took days XD) and replied to many, but it's because I can't reply to everyone personally that I wanted to write this and send my sincerest thanks to you all.
It took me a long time before I was able open up about my struggles with mental health, even to myself, and it's was a tough decision to share my darkest times publicly. But I'm glad I did, because I truly believe by making mental health issues more visible, open and talked about, we can reduce the stigma and deepen understanding and compassion around them. So I especially appreciate if you shared your story or mine.
I can see how mental illness is especially hard to understand if you have never experienced it, because before I developed troubles with my mental health I didn't really understand it, I actually thought I would never be susceptible to it. I was optimistic, strong willed, determined, I thought of depression as more a sadness than a sickness. Then I became depressed, and I kept being optimistic, strong willed and determined, but then the goal posts changed, it took a strong will to just get out of bed in the morning, it took determination to go to the shop and get food, I was optimistic I would feel normal again, so I didn't kill myself. But I do believe it can be understood by those who don't experience it, perhaps not in exactly the same way, but in the way that we feel compassion for someone physically ill, and with education, things like saying 'cheer up' to someone with depression will be regarded like saying 'walk it off' to a paraplegic.
Things are getting better for me now and it is because I am feeling more well and stable that I am able to talk about it. I could never have dreamed of opening up like this while I was caught in the tar. I couldn't even open up a washing machine!
I was amazed at how many people said 'Thank You' to me, even though I offered no real advice or 'what to do' wisdom, just sharing my story helped. But I get it now, just having someone else talk about an experience similar to yours makes you feel less alone. I know this now because you shared your stories with me, so thank you, for making me feel less alone
(I want to send a massive fuck you to the guy who told me to kill myself... But I'll send love, because you have to be in a pretty dark place to say something like that. I know shits good with me because I don't feel upset for myself, I feel upset for him, he almost certainly has his own demons he battles, one which perhaps run even darker than mine)
Thank you everyone, lets keep the conversation going!
Peace, Love and Compassion,
Blue xx
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Comments: 174
Tenitsu-Sanada In reply to ??? [2015-06-02 00:46:26 +0000 UTC]
I think the best thing that instance, would be to educate them. I've thought of suicide once, but I happened to be one of the lucky ones who met someone worth living for (my husband now). One of my teachers in school had the same problem, listening to a small group of other kids talking like that. He randomly opened up a big discussion mid class about it. He explained how it felt so feel so alone, so hopeless that even a permanant solution (death) to a temporary problem (very likely something fixed with help, be it medicine or intervention from an outside source).
He went so in depth to the sheer weight one felt in a situation like that to even consider taking their own life, that he had the whole class in tears. One of those kids who had been the bad mouthers in that instance, later opened up a Student Health room by permission of the school in one of the unused class rooms, where other students could talk to a certain select few students rather than teachers (its not always easy talking to adults at that age). Kid learned a very harsh lesson, and tried to better himself for it. Sadly not everyone does, but theres always the chance right?
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LazuliLupin In reply to Tenitsu-Sanada [2015-06-03 21:25:13 +0000 UTC]
Now it's just a case of if I'm socially bold enough to do just that in the middle of class. But I'm sure I'll find a way. And if I'm honest, I would probably end up ranting at them, rather than calmly educating them.
But that is definitely a method I am going to use in the future.
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RosieBees [2015-06-01 20:57:48 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Blue. You are such an incredible inspiration.
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ArtsyVana [2015-06-01 20:57:12 +0000 UTC]
Of course! Keep staying strong and don't stop doing art, because you are really good at it!
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YuYuAmie [2015-06-01 20:31:25 +0000 UTC]
I feel ya girl, I live with it every day. Im glad you decided to share with us, because nothing helps like letting it all out, right??
You are a wonderful artist and I aspire to be at your level someday And Im sure you are a brilliant person as well! So Im glad you didnt let that guy get to you. ^^
keep being strong <3
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FloWildKat [2015-06-01 20:25:11 +0000 UTC]
I admire you, Blue, I know it's not easy to talk about depression.
Flo, flirting with suicide temptation since 2011.
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KHUANTRU [2015-06-01 20:23:56 +0000 UTC]
Sharing helps a lot, I think the worst we do to ourselves is to bottle it up and allow that negativity just grow and feed on you, making your mental health go from bad to worst and wouldn't want to wish it on anyone.. to that really dark place where you only hear things that would want you to turn that light off and never wake up. What's worst about mental health or depression.. when the people you call friends, slowly just abandon you knowing that you are down in the dumps. That personally made things worst for me, but seeing you at the recent mcm expo in London, you've completely reminded not just me but others that you can recover one way or another.. for me - I still deal with it but I drown them with activities that I do everyday and I hope I keep doing them without being pulled back into that dark place, I wish my friends here would understand and encourage me to get well, but all I get is nothing but silence and they just ignore me. I think with this type of mental pain, if you fight it.. you can somehow deal with it and slowly recover. It be nice to have people to help you on that path, but there are others who don't have that luxury of friends or even family to help them.. It's hard to explain or even share this.. I don't think there are words to even describe what we go through, since everyone has their own problems.. I don't feel comfortable sharing this comment myself coz if I am being honest in the past I got so dead tired of hearing, don't worry it's just a phase, you'll get stronger etc etc - "wrong.." it was the pola opposite of that.. but for a fact I know sharing helps.. and it's the right tiny steps to a bigger steps in changing that wrong path to a better or, if not better.. a path suited for you only. There are others here who do understand and only wish people the best. ( I hope ) It's not easy.. but there's a way for each one of us to explore and endure.
Completely understand where you come from mate, and extremely happy you are in a better place now Destiny Blue.
Best wishes to you mate and everyone here too who look for inspiration and ones who are recovering and enduring.
Regards from North London, Uk.
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H-Everybody-Lies--MD In reply to KHUANTRU [2015-06-01 20:54:35 +0000 UTC]
Sharing helps a lot, I think the worst we do to ourselves is to bottle it up and allow that negativity just grow and feed on you, making your mental health go from bad to worst and wouldn't want to wish it on anyone.. to that really dark place where you only hear things that would want you to turn that light off and never wake up.
I think I could read your sentence here, over and over again. In fact, I sincerely might.
Reading this part of your comment ( for you for coping in the way that you can with people around you who may not fully understand what you're going through - and also a second
for having the courage to share your thoughts here) and some of the other comments here is infinitely inspiring to this here passerby. Genuinely, I can't thank you enough for what you said at the beginning. I'm filled with such a mixture of dread and inspiration and courage and confusion and annoyance... You've unknowingly nudged my true self along to get the help I need again and get rid of the method I was planning on using in my next suicide attempt. I feel too many different things at once, but thank you, for your words, and for your sharing, it was yet another touch I needed to make me re-evaluate what the darker side of my mind has been calling upon me to do.
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KHUANTRU In reply to H-Everybody-Lies--MD [2015-06-01 22:45:07 +0000 UTC]
Hi H-Everybody-Lies--MD - thanks for replying.. wasn't sure If I was comfortable leaving that comment here.. was planning to delete it off tomorrow until I read your comment. I'm glad my experience is pushing you in the right direction.. the best way to recover is to actually find help and share what ever 'negative' cloud we either built up or 'it' given to us from others. I wouldn't recommend what I did countless times which was to bottle it up, for some people it works, for me it sort of did but didn't - my way to recover from it was to find activities I enjoyed and set myself a schedule routine of it so that I don't listen to 'it' - and on top of that with the fake friends / mates here in london, my case they sort of left me out of the group - that's when I had to find a better ways to cope with it, find 'a way' to deal with it eventually, - - - Dealing with it for that long.. you sort of grow custom to it which somehow inadvertently makes you stronger, because you somewhat have to accept it. Some days you will be fine, some days you resort back into that downward spiral of an abyss.. but you do bounce back out of it. I think the hardest step is to actually make that effort to seek professional help if friends and family can't help.. making that small step to share and ask for that help, will put you in the right path to recover. And I really hope you do. I know this is just a reply and these are just words, but don't do what I do and many others do, don't struggle with it or endure it alone, it's always best to get a 'wing man' who will be there to listen and help. My method was based on what I was surrounded with and till this day I deal with it solo coz i am trying to understand what 'happened' and how I chose to bottle it up and let it 'grow' into something else. The moment you put others ahead of you, you are making them think you only come second to them.. Don't do that no more, and don't ever think like that no more. You are a human being, You come first and you deserve it with all the love one can give to you. Your flaws is what makes you unique, as much as that sounds crazy you will eventually understand what makes you 'tick' and overcome it at some point.. it's not a light switch nor a quick fix.. it's a long journey you must go on alone or (highly recommended) with professional help from others and hopefully one day you will be the one to help others by sharing your experiences in a hopeful manner. Just keep fighting the good fight. You deserve to be in a better place mate. Go get that help.
Warm regards - Khuan
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H-Everybody-Lies--MD In reply to KHUANTRU [2017-08-28 18:50:00 +0000 UTC]
Hope you're doing well now, hun.
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calugarul [2015-06-01 20:21:17 +0000 UTC]
the thing is about trolls, they really don't mean what they say. ignoring them would do to them more harm than just mentioning them. they need the attention.
i told only a few people i had been diagnosed with bipolar manic depressive disorder, not even to my parents. they see sometimes i am down, but most of the time i put on a happy mask , just for them. i don;t want to hurt them, and after taking that smile off, at night , sometimes i really scream silently in my pillow. but my disorder has its good times, for a short, or shorter period of time i eneter god mode as i call it, and i am happy without a reason, i just walk in the parks or just on the streets i know and i feel happy, and i go smile for real to my parents and they see i'm really happy and they say things like... today you are brighter
i know i can;t fool them, but i try. i understand you and i support you only by .. sharing and maybe letting you know that i care for you and everyone that is like us
*hug*
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PinkiPockets [2015-06-01 19:48:00 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad that you're on the road to recovery. We'll all here to support you..
2013 was an awful year for me for depression, I totally got what you meant when you said you didn't want to "kill" yourself, but to no longer want to live... I personally used to hope I just drifted of in my sleep, or somehow vanished. It was a very horrid, dark time in my life and i'm still fighting it now myself. So I understand completely where you're coming from
Keep strong blue <3
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Lily-Fu [2015-06-01 19:46:37 +0000 UTC]
sharing helps a lot, and with as many kind words as you can receive from people who love and follow you for awhile, that must be a powerful thing
you've always been so kind to us, and you make us dream, so most of us will never let you down
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HashtagTotallySmexy [2015-06-01 19:40:40 +0000 UTC]
I really admire you for your spirit - you've come through dark times and worked up the courage to tell us about it as well (which in itself is really impressive) but you still sent love (and a £&@! u) to the guy who told you to do something awful.
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ventimocha [2015-06-01 19:39:50 +0000 UTC]
Who told you to kill yourself? That person needs to be banned!!! It's a very dangerous thing to do to a person in depression. Even trolls should know some boundary!
Hugs to you all around!
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ymmijofmyself [2015-06-01 19:31:01 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you shared, nobody should face something like that alone. I've never personally experienced any sort of depression, but there are definitely a lot of people who are going through it and might be inspired to reach out for help after reading your experience. Stay strong!
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ChanelAthena [2015-06-01 19:28:33 +0000 UTC]
You can always tell how much better you're getting when you notice how you respond to other people's comments. When you're able to shake off BS like its no issue, theres been a big improvement Thank you, Blue, best of luck to you <3
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Fantasized-Teravan In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 19:21:47 +0000 UTC]
You're most welcome, Blue! You are an amazing person, and a wonderful artist! Keep walking forward, and if you ever need to talk, we're here!
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Haelyonn In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 19:18:47 +0000 UTC]
I'm so glad you were overwhelmed by all our messages You're awesome Blue, and I'll keep saying it forever
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AbiThePerson [2015-06-01 19:17:20 +0000 UTC]
Have a nice day, Blue, I'm really happy you shared your story with us ❤
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castielslittledemon [2015-06-01 19:01:32 +0000 UTC]
thank you so much blue for even sharing your story
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piggy-tails [2015-06-01 19:00:13 +0000 UTC]
Ah! I'm glad to see your getting better, have a big hug!
I dealt with depression as a teen, and tried to kill myself at one point. I hid it really well, and have always been seen as "the clown". It took me years to talk about it, and even now, my husband is the only person I have ever told. Now I'm happily married to a wonderful man who understands me, and mother to the sweetest kids! There is light at the end of the tunnel, it took a good smack in the head from God to get me to see it, but now I know I will never seek to end my life again. I'm so happy to see you speaking out about your struggles, it helps a lot when you have someone to share with. Please know that you are not alone, and that we all care about you! I'm right here if you ever just need an ear to listen to you.
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MelodiSketch [2015-06-01 18:59:50 +0000 UTC]
you're welcome blue You are a truly amazing person and I'm happy that you are happy too
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MissNishikino In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:54:26 +0000 UTC]
I find it really brave when people open up about their mental condition, and incredibly kind when they reach out to those going through the same condition. You have done both, which I find incredibly inspiring. It can be hard to open up about it, and living with a condition of any kind in society can have its downsides. For example, I suffer with Asperger's Syndrome, and I end up crying a lot - I often wonder what's wrong with me at times, and at times I feel like I'm not accepted. But, there are those who will support you all the way, whether in person or on the internet - it's those kind messages and words that can be remembered and can support you through situations where you need it most.
I send a "web-hug" to you.
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EpicWolfOfDarkness In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:50:19 +0000 UTC]
No problem, Blue. Stay awesome and keep up the good work!
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White-Pencil In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:43:36 +0000 UTC]
Maybe it's my synesthesia, but as I were reading through this journal, in my head I saw the blue, clear, light sky which I was heading towards and then the stars so bright that they shone stronger than Sun and together, they could brighten up all of our dark times. And it was like flying up up towards the universe - the new future. At the end where you mentioned this guy I looked down on Earth and saw a dark crowd looking down and around but never up at the sky. And they were all moving, changing directions after a few seconds, following routes with no specific point or end. I want to reach out and give this guy a hand.
please forgive me my English ...
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TeaCupPupsRule In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:42:20 +0000 UTC]
I'm pretty sure you responded to one of my comments and for that i say thank you and you are amazing as a person and a artist. I also cant wait to buy one of you pieces of art from society6!
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PistachioInfernal In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:32:21 +0000 UTC]
You're an amazing person, and this piece is beyond wonderful
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Efryd In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:31:06 +0000 UTC]
Sharing your story (especially online) is incredibly brave of you
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mythyyy [2015-06-01 18:30:56 +0000 UTC]
I suffer from a mental illness and used to be depressed, so I know how hard it is to open up to people about this
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Pr0crastronaut [2015-06-01 18:27:33 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome, thank you for making depression something I can understand much better. I agree it is so important to talk openly about it, that ensures there are less people who are ignorant about it, less people saying just cheer up or stop being so lazy. That's a really brave thing you did, being so open about your experiences about it and I'm glad that for the most part you got support. I really hope that you stay strong and that you're able to keep fighting your fight.
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GuyverMasterOmega [2015-06-01 18:20:22 +0000 UTC]
Blue, even if you feel sad or happy, know that you're not alone.
Peace, Love and Compassion to you, Blue.
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Rosemagic In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:19:59 +0000 UTC]
No thank YOU for having the courage to post these texts
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YukinoScarlet In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 18:12:10 +0000 UTC]
You are amazing, brave and lucky that you shared your story and were able to get it all together so it would get better, you are lucky to have the courage to share your story.
I am really glad for you and I hope you will get happy again soon
and I have to admit that I loveyour art because it gives me hope (weird right? I don't even know why)
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StarlightSuper-nova [2015-06-01 18:10:19 +0000 UTC]
Love you so much blue! keep doing you ^o^
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Come-Serenity [2015-06-01 18:08:09 +0000 UTC]
Honestly Blue, I'm so proud of this post. A lot of times we don't know how to express the feeling or how we feel in general but every word you've said in this post, and the previous one, describes it perfectly that even those who don't know how depression is would probably get a better understanding now. It shows that even those who are so positive in life can have depression and it isn't something that you can just fix by 'cheering up'. You have so many supporters so keep going strong!
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Jo-In-Boots [2015-06-01 17:57:54 +0000 UTC]
I'm so glad to hear that it's getting better! I'm also very glad we could make you smile at Comic con, can't wait to see you again in october!! (we can add to the collection of photos then ) I'll keep sending you virtual hugs till then Jo xxx
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Angellovix In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 17:55:01 +0000 UTC]
It was pleasure!!
Don't forget, there is always a light even if you cannot see it with the dark.
Have a great day
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PrincessKiara2811 In reply to ??? [2015-06-01 17:51:25 +0000 UTC]
You are amazing blue! You and everyone else out there fighting there mental illnesses(along with myself). Each day we are able to wake up, getting out of bed or not, everyday we wake up is a massive sign of strength that we are fighting these horrible invisible illnesses. I love reading your stories behind your artworks. Some of them touch my heart greatly. It is on my list of Goals one day, to be able to buy a print of yours, so I can be reminded of many things. That I can make it through this, I'm not alone, and that people can do great things no matter what!
You are amazing whether or not you where able to get out of bed or not! Trust me there is nothing wrong with spending a day in bed(especially if it's as cold as it is here ) I'm proud of you and everyone else out there fighting these illnesses! We are all super strong!
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Tracy4angel [2015-06-01 17:46:59 +0000 UTC]
You're welcome for the support i didn't help or said mutch but let's say i'm with you girl, keep strong and fight! You're a warrior for surivive all this years with all the problems around you! I will be always here my friend every time ou need. A thousands of hugs for you!
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ClockworkAngel19 [2015-06-01 17:46:52 +0000 UTC]
Speak your mind and someone is bound to listen.
You my dear, have spoken volumes with your wonderful art, and have been heard multiple times over.
I feel like one's art is a representation of one's self, and even though I've never seen your face, just by looking at your beautiful art I know one thing is certain.
Keep up the amazing work
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Glowingpoppet32 [2015-06-01 17:45:25 +0000 UTC]
No problem, you know, most people have mental problems-such as depression-and you're amazing to actually share it. You've been one of my inspirations in just art but now I'm re-thinking and you've became more to all of us. <3 We love you
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