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deviantesse94 — Egalitarianism
Published: 2010-08-13 13:45:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 260; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
He picks up the brush and wields it; his weapon of art. He mixes it with paint of one colour only and firmly, his hand holds the brush, poised to paint. The brush then meets the blank white canvas. Here and there, he drags the brush, leaving a trail of red across the canvas. After a while, he halts and draws back the brush and stares at the painting. "How dull," he comments.The brush is once again mixed with paint albeit this time, it is of a different colour. The brush caresses the canvas as he repeats his previous actions. He pauses as he surveys the canvas in deep scrutiny.
"Plain," he shakes his head and sighs, chagrined as he moves the brush toward the palette. This time, though, he breaks his painting routine. Instead of painting with one colour at a time, he creates a concoction of enthralling colours. With a little bit of this and a little bit of that, more beautiful colours are formed. Sets of colours are splattered across the canvas. He sets his brush in motion, casting more colours to it; embellishing the canvas.
He withdraws his hand and takes a few steps backwards, adjusting his eyes to marvel at his picturesque masterpiece slowly. A smile is planted on his face as he indulges in the moment.
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Comments: 9
After reading the artist's comments, I understood the message, but not whilst reading. In my opinion, there isn't any language you use to invoke the image of a community (of people).
The title fits somewhat, but I'm not sure if it matches what you're trying to depict. Egalitarianism is basically the opposite of what you're suggesting is good, in this case. If you were going for the contrast, it works pretty well. Otherwise, maybe try something different.
A few parts seemed a little awkward, I'll try to make suggestions for those:
"After a while has passed...
Try just After a while...
"The brush caressed the canvas...
That's the past tense, while the rest of the piece is in the present. Try The brush caresses the canvas...
"He pauses as his pair of eyeballs survey the canvas in deep scrutiny."
This bit seemed a little strange. Maybe something like He pauses as he surveys the canvas in deep scrutiny.
"...adjusting his eyes to marvel at his picturesque masterpiece slowly."
This may read better as ...slowly adjusting his eyes to marvel at his picturesque masterpiece.
Finally, indulge in the last paragraph should be indulges. I hope you found my critique helpful.
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RIGHT *smacks forehead* I am so used to writing in past tense 
What do you think the title of this piece should be? And what words can I use in this piece that can invoke the image of a community?
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Well, that's kind of a tough one. There aren't very many words that encompass such a broad idea as egalitarianism, and off the top of my head, I can't think of anything that doesn't have the word 'culture' or the 'ethno-' root in it. Maybe something like "A Mixed Canvas"? Sorry, I don't feel that comfortable suggesting titles for work that isn't mine.
The community thing is a little tricky as well. Maybe try something with painting the different skin colours? Like one area of the canvas might be one colour, and then another area another colour, but the artist is only happy when he blends the different areas together. That could make it easier to key in on your theme.
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Hmm... I see. Thank you for your suggestions C: I appreciate it.
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yay for subliminal messages!
:/ well at least to me it is.
But seriously, I never thought of it that way. My mind could only picture a dude, painting. :/ Or maybe that's just me with my unimaginative and narrow thinking. Hmm.
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Hey, people think differently C:
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Well, maybe. :/
sayy... just wondering, but, what do you like?
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like, as in? I like Taemin.
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