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deviantRealism — A Moment.
Published: 2007-03-28 17:43:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 189; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 2
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Description
Through the valley the lost soul walks.An old city, now but ruined memory.
Through the valley the lost soul walks.
An echo of existence, murdered by time.
Silence calls the lost soul but fails.
History stalks the dead, hands clasped tight.
Silence calls the lost soul but fails.
No time here, the clocks have broken.
The lost soul drifts, hollowed by loss.
Unopened letters held captive by unlocked drawers.
The lost soul drifts, hollowed by loss.
Only time reveals the unspoken truths of man.
Peace calls the lost soul but fails.
A place of death, once of love.
Peace calls the lost soul but fails.
Time is slow to hide its evils.
The lost soul weeps, her eyes ablaze.
Twisted frames, torn faces of dead memories.
The lost soul weeps, her eyes ablaze.
And even time bows before vengeful winds.
Reason calls the lost soul but fails.
Desires of hate shatter a fragile mind.
Reason calls the lost soul but fails.
Endless time brings naught but endless sorrow.
Through the valley the lost soul walks.
A journey born of loss, now anguish.
Through the valley the lost soul walks.
Only time pulls close the open wound.
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Comments: 11
You've thought too much again.. i really dont like this.. boring
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OMG THATS THE MOST MEDIOCRE THING I'VE EVER READ/HEARD/SEEN! OMG THAT'S SO NORMAL IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!
Ahahaha. Nah, I think it's good. I'm telling you, if you're looking for an "Advanced Critique," don't ask me. Seriously. XD
But I do like how it flows...it does sound like a journey.
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ah no. I decided to get rid of that, it's nothing special just each sentence has 7 words is all.
what did you think of the poem though?
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I'm glad I didn't rush into commenting how I felt about this cause the first time around, my opinion wasn't as favourable. It's very good. I was once sceptical about the repetition, but I see it works now. Although can I ask is she moving through diff. places? Cause first time's there, then it's not, then it's just slow...
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The poem itself is about a journey, I won't go too in-depth but it all happens in one place.
There are two instances of time in the poem and I think this where it might get a little confusing. See in the poem there is Real Time and Personified Time.
With Real Time I'm referring to, for e.g., how fast one scene moves to the other or how quickly the character reacts in the poem, basically this is what I think you're referring to when you said it felt 'slow'.
The instance of Personified Time (still unsure if this is the proper term but I feel it fits the best) is the reference to Time as it's own entity and of it's fickleness, moods and quirks.
So yes, time is there and it's not. But that's because there's two separate instances of time.
Hope that clears it up and I'm very glad you like the poem.
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emmm...u dont mention the title at all throughout the poem?!?! and emm....it's about a "she", therefore you wrote it for someone else!?!? i dunno!!! okay i really must go i have a plane to catch!! BYEEEEEEEEEE!
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Repetition in the 1st and 3rd lines of every verse?
And the rhythm?? 
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Haha nope. Wouldn't be that obvious. No cookie yet. Keep trying. It'll one of those "OH is that all?" moments when you find out though
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but but i cant!!! i'm internet-less for the next week cause im going away!!! i say hold off this wonderful competition til i get back!!!!
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That's an interesting poem. I guess it piqued my curiosity. I like the repetitions and the fact that you use Time at the end of every verse/paragraph. I like it.
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