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devilish-damage — Autumn Revolver [NSFW]
Published: 2007-08-21 22:51:29 +0000 UTC; Views: 74; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description                A vicious wind whipped the brown autumn leaves into a frenzy. The slightest drizzle dampened the moods of the few people hurrying to their destinations.
A lone figure stood at the end of the wooden pier, watching the horizon, and the slowly sinking sun. The light basked her face with an orange glow.
Her black cloak blew around her, enhancing her silhouette into something mysterious, powerful.
the truth was she was nothing. she had no importance.

a burly male figure purposefully strode up the pier, one hand in his jacket.
the lone figure sensed his presence and whipped round, her black hair protesting and reaching back to the sunset.
he reached her and wrapped an arm tightly round her shoulders.
'wha..' she started to protest.
'Ssshhh now, i have to give you this message' he softly stroked her hair, then reached back into his pocket.
as he pulled his hand back out it was no longer unoccupied.
now he held a hefty, black revolver.
he cocked the vicious killer and placed it against her temple.
'water or bullet?'
She had known this was coming, but it wasnt supposed to be her. She was supposed to be a star, not a delinquent dropout who was about to die.
She closed her eyes, concentrating on the lapping waves beneath. She wanted to die drowning, but the water wasnt deep enough. She would break her neck before she drowned.
'Shoot me' the words passed her red lips slowly, and He pulled back the trigger.
Ending her life.


12 months later

A Lone figure stood on the end of the pier, looking into the horizon.
A very familiar figure to a passing man.
He stopped dead, thinking back to 12 months earlier, that fateful day.
He started up the pier, towards the figure.
But this time the figure whipped round, holding a black revolver.
and shot him twice in the chest.
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Comments: 4

Volkati [2007-08-26 01:03:29 +0000 UTC]

That is really good, but yes, it does need more added to it. The last paragraph should be longer, you should make him recognise everything about the woman before she shoots him, but it is a really good story.

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devilish-damage In reply to Volkati [2007-08-26 01:09:11 +0000 UTC]

aah critisicm, my best friend! i kept the paragraph at the end short, you know to make you hooked and want to know more, im not sure i will write more though now that im starting such a big project as bloodlust happy days
x n x

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seanography [2007-08-21 23:01:34 +0000 UTC]

OOOH this is so NOT long enough! i need more...im hooked! tell me more about where this is going. im going to watch you until i get my answers

very good, mysterious and powerful. my final decision: MORE PLEASE!

sean x

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

devilish-damage In reply to seanography [2007-08-21 23:26:23 +0000 UTC]

thankyou for the watch!!! i was rushing on this, i like my other submitted story alot better.

ive decided to carry this on, so over the next week or so i shall concentrate on continuing it a little, i may even turn it into a bigger project

i really appreciate your comment and you taking the time to read it
thankyou again

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