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Description
   so i say hey lets break and i know a great place to do it. they all kinda protest but i know they all wanna do it anyway. so we go to the place which is my place to go in the old wrecked out neighborhood in our city. looks like that place been bombed, man, but no one knows. it's a fucking ruin there. Anyway we get there and get out and lead them to this quiet little nook on the roof of an old apartment or something. Half the structure's completely caved in but you can get to the top from some stairs on the outside if you jump the missing steps. We get up there and i say everybody lie down and when they hesitate i say go ahead its clean ain't no birds to shit on it nothing lives in this part of town and they all laugh cos it's true. I wanna join them but me being m.c.elon, master of ceremonies that is, it being my idea and me being the most experienced, i have to remain standing. There's a little book, a crazy pamphlet that really lays it out, the how to do it, but I memorized that thing long time ago so I'm good to go. I kinda feel like lighting some incense for the mood you know but the wind woulda put it out anyway. I guess we shoulda been in some dark dank basement for it but really, the night sky full of cries is all the ambiance you need. from experience, it's best out in the open, anyway.

   So there really wasn't anything else to do but to say the words. If you really wanna know it's a bunch of psycho stuff I don't really understand, and it doesn't even matter what it means, like, the sounds of the words have power? I sat down after I started and when I finished I lay back with the rest of them. I was worrying about had I done it right and would they think it was too weird or uncool cos our very own m.c.elon had said the words and not some pro. But as soon as I lie down I can tell they're all into it, breathing deep and staring up. So I let myself go with them and on our journey deeper inside ourselves, to find what we would. the thing about it is, even though we're all together, it's really lonely. thinking that got me started in the mood right well away with no more thoughts of birds or books or words. i'm starting to feel that uncertain rumbling around my stomach and shoulders and just let it wash over me, embracing the things I had been avoiding thinking. the things in my subconsciousness I didn't want to know. walking, step by step, into the deep end of a pool. it's entirely deliberate. we have control. right?

wait. breathe. sink. the atmosphere is overpowering. we're in a dead city, falling in broken unity. i can't think anymore.

silence. the wind breaking over us. us breaking under the sky. a presence more ancient than anything we'd ever known. an endless, wordless question whispering around our ears.

   we're all pretty quiet for a long time. none of us has anything to say. we're breaking together, but each of us wants to keep it private inside ourselves. this is funny, but i can't laugh. when I laugh, I can't hear myself. they can't hear me anyway.

   I thought I had been breaking the longest, but really, who's to say? Danny's all hard and tense like nobody's ever touched her before. Empty corridors. Merciless days of summer. Then they're overlapping, her and Rezo. He's maybe got the worst of us, bleeding distorted bodies and gunshots and shards and all his scars are on the outside. Ravern's all burning and wild chaos. The smell of smoke drifts around him and next to him Kit, who's curled up and pathetic, dripping hopeless thoughts like a leaky faucet. Chris I can't get into at all, though. He's just looking closed and solemn. And me? I'm dreaming of rattling robots and phantom corpses and other shit that I've never even seen, nightmares that don't belong to me. but I was starting to think it was nice, even if it was painful, to sit under the stars and break with your friends.

   someone's crying. I don't look, cos you don't. I've broken so long I'm already past most of it, drifting in the stage where everything's soft and everything's beautiful and precious and sad. it's maybe this why I break, this unique feeling you can't get anywhere else, like it's locked up inside you and you can't just reach it whenever you feel like? only now it's starting to fade and I'm feeling more normal now. no one else is back, though. so I'm left to breath the last strains of their sorrowful air, traces of their sicknesses. I don't mind. I've never really had any shit of my own except for useless thoughts. I don't mind riding on their leftovers, cos like, it's better than breaking on nothing?

Danny's out first, no surprises there. She's always the most reluctant to break, like,what's the point? But you can't break properly unless you really want to. She's looking at Rezo still in it, just watching him. She shouldn't, but it doesn't really matter. Chris is next. I hear him sigh and cough softly, sitting up too by the jingle of his keys. He gets up and walks off a ways, and I don't blame him, cos hanging around waiting for you friends to come back is pretty awkward. Well, it's really intimate.. not sexually, I mean, like, a deeper human way. Some people can't handle that, I guess? But I like it. Like, I can hear their breaths, each person's unique, layering on top of each other like a symphony. Danny and I, and anyone else who's back, we're all keeping pretty quiet and still. I'm wondering if I'll go into a second break from all this, everyone lying back with their eyes wide open together, staring with glassy gazes. I'm hoping I will, too, since my break was kind of disappointing... and Danny whispers something above me and the wind dries my eyeballs in my head and I guess everyone must be pretty well up by now but i

i'm lying on the cold concrete and the world is sliding away and memories of the night and shivering and all the people who were making it worse didn't even know and even though the sky was open, gaping open like a chasm i was trapped on the earth bound by lies and promises and mistakes there were no excuses for. outside, they're calling my name and i don't even know why, i don't even know them and i don't need this earth because already it's sliding away backwards into cold shapes and faces and voices always voices

"Elon."

"Elon!"

and i don't know i'm trying to hang on to the ground here otherwise ill fall into the sky

"She should be back by now."

"Elon!"

once my name but now i breathe out through the concrete over your shoes and slip between the jagged rocks to circle the earth with my bare hands stretched out wide lovingly desperately

"We gotta call someone about this."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, she just-"

im gonna die im gonna fall is what i thought so i dig my hands deeper despite the pain
"Oh my god, stop her!"

"Don't touch her!"

"Elon!"

even though im clinging so tight the ground dissolves under my fingertips in one rushing moment but i wasn't falling i was held up it was okay the hard star diamonds were still far away and i was floating back through the familiar layers of my mind. i couldn't tell where i was really cos all i could still see was the infinite blackness but i was being cradled slowly, gently, like everything was gonna be okay. everything was gonna be okay.

"Elon? Can you hear me?"

"Everything's gonna be okay."

people- faces- like returning from a long journey, they seemed nostalgic and beautiful to me. I wanted to touch them.

"What-"

"Careful!"

Ninety degree shift. The world spins briefly, then settles. They're all staring at me with awe, pity, fear, relief?

"We... we thought we might have lost you there, Elon."

Around me. We'd broken and re-formed together and it was crazy awesome, like I had pieces of each of them inside me now. We should...

"What?"

"We should totally do that again sometime."

Description
   so i say hey lets break and i know a great place to do it. they all kinda protest but i know they all wanna do it anyway. so we go to the place which is my place to go in the old wrecked out neighborhood in our city. looks like that place been bombed, man, but no one knows. it's a fucking ruin there. Anyway we get there and get out and lead them to this quiet little nook on the roof of an old apartment or something. Half the structure's completely caved in but you can get to the top from some stairs on the outside if you jump the missing steps. We get up there and i say everybody lie down and when they hesitate i say go ahead its clean ain't no birds to shit on it nothing lives in this part of town and they all laugh cos it's true. I wanna join them but me being m.c.elon, master of ceremonies that is, it being my idea and me being the most experienced, i have to remain standing. There's a little book, a crazy pamphlet that really lays it out, the how to do it, but I memorized that thing long time ago so I'm good to go. I kinda feel like lighting some incense for the mood you know but the wind woulda put it out anyway. I guess we shoulda been in some dark dank basement for it but really, the night sky full of cries is all the ambiance you need. from experience, it's best out in the open, anyway.

   So there really wasn't anything else to do but to say the words. If you really wanna know it's a bunch of psycho stuff I don't really understand, and it doesn't even matter what it means, like, the sounds of the words have power? I sat down after I started and when I finished I lay back with the rest of them. I was worrying about had I done it right and would they think it was too weird or uncool cos our very own m.c.elon had said the words and not some pro. But as soon as I lie down I can tell they're all into it, breathing deep and staring up. So I let myself go with them and on our journey deeper inside ourselves, to find what we would. the thing about it is, even though we're all together, it's really lonely. thinking that got me started in the mood right well away with no more thoughts of birds or books or words. i'm starting to feel that uncertain rumbling around my stomach and shoulders and just let it wash over me, embracing the things I had been avoiding thinking. the things in my subconsciousness I didn't want to know. walking, step by step, into the deep end of a pool. it's entirely deliberate. we have control. right?

wait. breathe. sink. the atmosphere is overpowering. we're in a dead city, falling in broken unity. i can't think anymore.

silence. the wind breaking over us. us breaking under the sky. a presence more ancient than anything we'd ever known. an endless, wordless question whispering around our ears.

   we're all pretty quiet for a long time. none of us has anything to say. we're breaking together, but each of us wants to keep it private inside ourselves. this is funny, but i can't laugh. when I laugh, I can't hear myself. they can't hear me anyway.

   I thought I had been breaking the longest, but really, who's to say? Danny's all hard and tense like nobody's ever touched her before. Empty corridors. Merciless days of summer. Then they're overlapping, her and Rezo. He's maybe got the worst of us, bleeding distorted bodies and gunshots and shards and all his scars are on the outside. Ravern's all burning and wild chaos. The smell of smoke drifts around him and next to him Kit, who's curled up and pathetic, dripping hopeless thoughts like a leaky faucet. Chris I can't get into at all, though. He's just looking closed and solemn. And me? I'm dreaming of rattling robots and phantom corpses and other shit that I've never even seen, nightmares that don't belong to me. but I was starting to think it was nice, even if it was painful, to sit under the stars and break with your friends.

   someone's crying. I don't look, cos you don't. I've broken so long I'm already past most of it, drifting in the stage where everything's soft and everything's beautiful and precious and sad. it's maybe this why I break, this unique feeling you can't get anywhere else, like it's locked up inside you and you can't just reach it whenever you feel like? only now it's starting to fade and I'm feeling more normal now. no one else is back, though. so I'm left to breath the last strains of their sorrowful air, traces of their sicknesses. I don't mind. I've never really had any shit of my own except for useless thoughts. I don't mind riding on their leftovers, cos like, it's better than breaking on nothing?

Danny's out first, no surprises there. She's always the most reluctant to break, like,what's the point? But you can't break properly unless you really want to. She's looking at Rezo still in it, just watching him. She shouldn't, but it doesn't really matter. Chris is next. I hear him sigh and cough softly, sitting up too by the jingle of his keys. He gets up and walks off a ways, and I don't blame him, cos hanging around waiting for you friends to come back is pretty awkward. Well, it's really intimate.. not sexually, I mean, like, a deeper human way. Some people can't handle that, I guess? But I like it. Like, I can hear their breaths, each person's unique, layering on top of each other like a symphony. Danny and I, and anyone else who's back, we're all keeping pretty quiet and still. I'm wondering if I'll go into a second break from all this, everyone lying back with their eyes wide open together, staring with glassy gazes. I'm hoping I will, too, since my break was kind of disappointing... and Danny whispers something above me and the wind dries my eyeballs in my head and I guess everyone must be pretty well up by now but i

i'm lying on the cold concrete and the world is sliding away and memories of the night and shivering and all the people who were making it worse didn't even know and even though the sky was open, gaping open like a chasm i was trapped on the earth bound by lies and promises and mistakes there were no excuses for. outside, they're calling my name and i don't even know why, i don't even know them and i don't need this earth because already it's sliding away backwards into cold shapes and faces and voices always voices

"Elon."

"Elon!"

and i don't know i'm trying to hang on to the ground here otherwise ill fall into the sky

"She should be back by now."

"Elon!"

once my name but now i breathe out through the concrete over your shoes and slip between the jagged rocks to circle the earth with my bare hands stretched out wide lovingly desperately

"We gotta call someone about this."

"What happened?"

"I don't know, she just-"

im gonna die im gonna fall is what i thought so i dig my hands deeper despite the pain
"Oh my god, stop her!"

"Don't touch her!"

"Elon!"

even though im clinging so tight the ground dissolves under my fingertips in one rushing moment but i wasn't falling i was held up it was okay the hard star diamonds were still far away and i was floating back through the familiar layers of my mind. i couldn't tell where i was really cos all i could still see was the infinite blackness but i was being cradled slowly, gently, like everything was gonna be okay. everything was gonna be okay.

"Elon? Can you hear me?"

"Everything's gonna be okay."

people- faces- like returning from a long journey, they seemed nostalgic and beautiful to me. I wanted to touch them.

"What-"

"Careful!"

Ninety degree shift. The world spins briefly, then settles. They're all staring at me with awe, pity, fear, relief?

"We... we thought we might have lost you there, Elon."

Around me. We'd broken and re-formed together and it was crazy awesome, like I had pieces of each of them inside me now. We should...

"What?"

"We should totally do that again sometime."