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doomedfool — Sonar [NSFW]
Published: 2009-05-27 06:27:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 7014; Favourites: 75; Downloads: 70
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Description Camie was in trouble. “Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhh!”
Jango and Full Body were on the deck, awaiting Captain Hina’s return from Arabasta, when they heard a sound from the sea. Looking out on the sea, they saw a huge sea monster coming right at them! It seemed to be chasing something that was moving at an incredibly fast rate through the water.
“Quick, Jango! Throw me a line. I don’t know who or what that thing is chasing, but we’ve got to help them!”
Taking a deep breath, Fullbody yelled as loudly as he could. “Hey you out there! Can you hear me? I’m throwing you a rope! Grab on and we’ll pull you up!” fullbody threw the rope over the side, where it fell towards the water.
The thing being chased leapt out of the water and grabbed the rope, revealing a beautiful mermaid girl, though she was currently in the process of freaking out. She had this bizarre look on her face. “Save me! Save me! Save me! Save me!” She fell back into the water. Fullbody felt the rope get taught, and with Jango’s help quickly pulled the girl out of the water while the sea monster just charged by, oblivious to the fact that its lunch got away, and was gone as quickly as it came.
Glomp! “Oh thank you so much for saving me! I don’t know what I wouldn’t have done without you!”
Camie squeezed Fullbody tightly, while Jango got hit in the face by her tailfin. She then stopped all of a sudden, and started crying. “Pappug! Oh Pappug! He must have been eaten! And that monster that got him is long gone by now!”
“Hey, Listen! Try and relax, ok? We’re with the Navy. Our captain is on shore right now, but I bet she’d be willing to help you. It’s not safe for you to travel alone.”
“Here man, I got it.” Pulling out one of his discs, he swung it in front of Camie’s face on a string, saying “One, Two, Jango!”, Causing both him and Camie to fall asleep.  
When she woke up, there was a pink-haired woman standing over her. camie was shocked! “Relax! Hina is captain of this ship!”
‘Oh! Sorry! I was hoping that I could travel with you. My master was eaten by a sea monster, and now I’m all alone.”
“Hina will help you. However, this is a Navy ship. Hina can’t have anyone loafing about. If you want to travel with Hina, you have to work. What are you good at?”
“Well, I can swim really fast, breath water, and I can talk to fish! I’m not so good on land though.”
“Yes, Hina guessed that. Very well then; you will serve as Hina’s sonar system.”
Keimi was shocked. “A sonar system! But then again, I guess it does make sense. I’m only good in water, and being a mermaid would make me the best for the job.”
‘Hina is glad you think so. Here. As long as you work for Hina, you wear this.”  
Keimi took the bundle that Hina handed to her and turned away from her for a moment, taking off her shirt and putting on what she had given her.
There was a short shoulderless white top made of latex that wrapped around the neck, as well as a pair of long white gloves with clear blue material around the end.  Everything was very shiny as well. Camie pulled the top over her head until it covered her breasts. She liked how tight it was against her breasts, thought she couldn’t say te same thing about how it wrapped around her neck. And speaking of her breasts, there was a blue emblem on the front of the top on her chest, while on one of her breasts was written Owned by MARINE HQ. Huh. Must be to keep people from taking them without asking. The gloves slid on nicely, and felt nice and snug as well. On one arm was the word SONAR in big blue letters Ok. So that’s me then. She turned back around with her hands behind her back, striking a pose. “So, how do I look?’
“Perfect.” Suddenly, Hina attacked! She swiped her arm at Camie, shocking her as it passed through her wrists, leaving a thick metal ring wrapped around her arm. She was very surprised, making a startled face. Hina then proceeded to drag her to the bow of the ship, where she was in for another surprise.
“Nami?” It was her, one of the humans that had rescued her, one of the members of the straw hat crew! She was wearing a white outfit, and her ankles were chained to a device that was bolted to the mast. Not only that, but Nico was standing next to her, dressed almost the same, with a book handcuffed to her and her legs in shackles! Camie made a surprised face, which only grew more expressive as Hina attached a thick metal collar around her neck and tied a wire to a ring on it, with the other end tied to a metal loop on the deck. Hina then pulled out a small blue den den mushi and stuck it on Camie’s ear, where it started whispering in her ear.
Obey the orders of the crew.
Obey orders and serve the Navy faithfully and to the full extent of your abilities.
Orders and system function should always be number one priority in mind.
Do not lie, cheat, steal, or attempt to withhold, alter, or misinterpret information.
Always act in the best interests of the Navy.
Never act in your own self-interests.
Always take pride in your appearance in while in the Navy.
“What’s going on?” Camie felt so dizzy all of a sudden.
“Cipher, come!”
“Yes, Lovely Captain Hina.”
Hina then turned back to Camie. “Here are your orders. You will constantly examine everything nearby, and alter us to anything important or dangerous to the ship, as well as gather information on the surrounding area by talking to as many fish as possible. Whenever you learn something important, tug on your leash. The den den mushi will tell you how to pull it.” “Nico. You will then interpret that tug and relay it to Nami until I can get our new radio working.” And with that, Hina shoved Camie overboard into the sea. She hit the water and was revitalized. She tried to slip out of her bonds, but as soon as she tried she was treated to a shrill sound coming from the den den mushi that made her head spin, and caused her to forget what she was doing.  She drifted for a minute, until another blast from the snail on her ear sent her speeding about, talking to fish while scanning for danger. Whenever she saw something, she would swim around until she had her leash in her hand, and would pull on it just like the den den mushi told her to. When night fell, she was pulled up, feed, and left on deck, were she fell asleep, exhausted.
And so it went on. One day ran into another, and Camie’s thoughts quickly faded away until she could remember nothing except her service as a Navy Sonar system
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Comments: 31

johnnyd2 [2009-08-18 14:38:41 +0000 UTC]

“Hey, Listen! Try and relax, ok? We’re with the Navy. Our captain is on shore right now, but I bet she’d be willing to help you. It’s not safe for you to travel alone.” i believe this is the quote being said by Navi from Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Nice job giving a throwback to her with the words Navy ^_^.

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doomedfool In reply to johnnyd2 [2009-08-19 00:10:04 +0000 UTC]

It was "Hey, Listen!", said by Navi from Ocarina of Time. I have to say, it took a long time for anyone to get that one, and I felt it was one of the easier ones. I received your note. I have to go out now, but I'll talk to more about your prize when I return. Congratulations, and thank you for playing!

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johnnyd2 In reply to doomedfool [2009-08-19 00:11:32 +0000 UTC]

no problem ^_^

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king-of-fail [2009-05-28 05:59:33 +0000 UTC]

Great stories, they are a hoot to read. you can really add/build onto a simple picture well, and I can't wait for more.

also, (if I'm doing this right, I'll delete if I'm doing this wrong...) I think this shout out is navi from "Legend of Zelda: orcania of time" as the mind control device...

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doomedfool In reply to king-of-fail [2009-05-28 14:17:24 +0000 UTC]

you have the right character. Now you just have to figure out what line from the story was originally said by them. Good luck!

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doomedfool In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-29 03:32:08 +0000 UTC]

No, you had the right character the first time. now you just need that character's quote.

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king-of-fail In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-29 06:34:35 +0000 UTC]

I don't see an exact verbal quote, all I really remember is navi saying "Look! Listen!" I thought it was the blue den den mushi, but that's more of a reference than an actual quote...

unless you count, "but as soon as she tried she was treated to a shrill sound coming from the den den mushi that made her head spin, and caused her to forget what she was doing. She drifted for a minute, until another blast from the snail on her ear sent her speeding about, talking to fish while scanning for danger. Whenever she saw something, she would swim around until she had her leash in her hand, and would pull on it just like the den den mushi told her to."

...but that's a little long for a quote

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doomedfool In reply to king-of-fail [2009-05-29 12:40:56 +0000 UTC]

There's one in there. Keep looking.

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king-of-fail In reply to king-of-fail [2009-05-28 06:06:51 +0000 UTC]

Wait... @#!&$, it's a verbal quote, not a hidden reference. It's slippy's panicked cries from the starfox series of games, and Camie is the one who's saying it...

I go to stop earning my name this way...

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Fanatic-Fusion [2009-05-27 21:05:32 +0000 UTC]

I felt that the story being short was very effective, you established the fact that Camie was desperate for help and she willingly went along with helping captain hina and becoming her Sonar system.

Then her free will slowly sapped away and she became a complete Sonar system. About the names I guess it's in how you look over the idea and write it in. Regardless I think the story turned out great.

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doomedfool In reply to Fanatic-Fusion [2009-05-28 00:33:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you for the comments. Greatly appreciated.

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Rosvo [2009-05-27 08:57:09 +0000 UTC]

nice story ^^
better then I thought it could be, since Camie is my least fave of the girls I did.
But her wonderment about the "Owned by MARINE HQ" and the other stuff was really well done I must say ^^

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 14:56:23 +0000 UTC]

Thank you. Always happy to exceed expectations .

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-27 15:03:43 +0000 UTC]

np

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singory [2009-05-27 08:12:22 +0000 UTC]

i feel it was a bit short ..

More nitpicking
Why did Lovely Captain Hina call Nico by that name
I thought she answered to the name Cipher

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doomedfool In reply to singory [2009-05-27 14:55:54 +0000 UTC]

What's a name but a label anyway? But yeah, she mostly does it for the sake of moral. It's less unnerving for the crew if they think they're just being forced to obey, rather then being completely rewritten into being a thing. Also, a sign that there's still just a little bit of the girl left in there. Though for how much longer, I can't be sure .

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-27 15:00:59 +0000 UTC]

what a long excuse ^o^

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 15:11:45 +0000 UTC]

Yeah. In truth, I thought about it, but it seemed a little awkward when I wrote it out, so I just changed it back to Nico. I'm saving up for the epilogue .

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-27 15:15:56 +0000 UTC]

maybe awkward for you but not for a mad man like me
OK then I wait for the epilogue

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 16:10:40 +0000 UTC]

Oh, not awkward like that. Just that it didn't seem like it fit very well. I have no problem with writing it. It just seemed out of place is all. I always try to write organic sentences that Sound good when you read them. I mean if you guys want it that much I can change it. It just seemed out of place for her to start calling her by some other name. I'd have to set it up first is all. "From now on you will only respond to your system name." Or something about her forgetting her name. I kinda passed over Nico more then any of the others, which is why I plan on getting in everybody's heads in the epilogue.

And as for being a mad man, I am insane. I've just been holding it back when I've been writing lately. It's tireing, and once I use it, my mind starts thinking of my horror story. Long tongues, blood, insanity, death, paranoia, and locks of nasty animals. Part of the reason I'm taking that break next week. Gotta mix things up a bit.

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-27 16:16:38 +0000 UTC]

Well on most girls is written what they are now so why use the real names for them ^^
But the idea that Hina forgets their real names is not bad... ok not that Hina will remember much in the epilogue anyway ^^
And nice that you want to get in everybody's head, I bet it will be a good story.

That another way of insane ^o^

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 16:24:36 +0000 UTC]

I meant Nico forgetting her name. Also, Nami and Nico's costumes don't have their system names on them . Here, I'll just change it then.

And yeah, it changes with my mood. You learn to live with it, change it when you can, and ride it out when you can't. I've been so tired these last few days, i haven't even indulged in any maniacal laughter, something I usually do quite often when no one's around.
So I had my fun. Now it's almost time for something a little darker .

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-27 16:29:56 +0000 UTC]

may bad XD
I got that idea to put them on to late
...and it is on Nico's costumes but it is under the book so you don't see it
Yes give the people what they want ^^

Well then write that out of your system before you start to write for me again

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 16:40:02 +0000 UTC]

There. I changed Nico to Cipher. Now I'm off for a bit to get ready for work.

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-28 11:15:37 +0000 UTC]

good

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 16:35:55 +0000 UTC]

You got it. Coming right up.

exactly what I planned on. that, and I want to work on a D&D campaign for a friend in RL that I promised him. Starts out as a kingdom ruled by an evil overlord, and turns into a zombie apocalypse.

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-28 11:16:42 +0000 UTC]

I guess it gets bloody XD

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doomedfool In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-28 14:20:13 +0000 UTC]

Well, it is D&D after all. fighting is what it's all about most for the time .

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Rosvo In reply to doomedfool [2009-05-29 17:58:39 +0000 UTC]

I know XD

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Rosvo In reply to singory [2009-05-27 08:53:50 +0000 UTC]

good point with the name calling, that mabye needs a bit improvement ^^

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singory In reply to Rosvo [2009-05-27 09:02:22 +0000 UTC]

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