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Published: 2015-02-12 09:16:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 229; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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Description
The devil this waistcoat wears goes far beyond the stretch of your imagination, perception is ill perceived, assumption is the killer of you and me. The depth I can wallow bares nothing to your barren wasteland, pop another pill, down another glass, it's so obviously worked before. Stagnant actions, how the rile me, completely beguiled at the moss that covers you, or rather why you let it, why? Live in the past with that ghost, can you hear the sirens?Self pity? Self pity?! I pity the fool that basis their whole life on self-deprecation, your dedication to this endeavour has done no one any favours, either drop the razors or pick them up to your throat.
The end.
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Comments: 3
lostinmyworld [2015-02-15 14:28:52 +0000 UTC]
Small typo - "basis" instead of "based". Also I'd probably change some of the punctuation. Overall it flows really well though. Love your use of metaphors and imagery.
The end is a bit harsh though, since I am pretty sure who/what this is about.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
DSShadowPyro In reply to lostinmyworld [2015-02-16 18:24:33 +0000 UTC]
Probs is based, but I want basis like "daily basis". 'll fix other stuff like typos when on a computer. Thanks for the critique.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0